Will he contact me? How do I move on?

[Cherrycola2020]

I know everyone has other things to deal with especially right now but I’m feeling so sad and just want some advice and to have some hope.

I was seeing a guy for 18 months and it ended last year. I miss him very very much. He did get in touch with me 3 months after it ended and we tried being friends. But I just found it too difficult and I was honest with him. When I told him he sobbed on the phone. I decided to go NC. And honestly I’m very proud of myself for doing it. I didn’t know I could, I’m not the most self disciplined at times.

It’s been 3 months and I feel so sad. I just wonder if he’s moved on and a part of me constantly hopes he will contact me. I guess I want to know how likely that is?

I find it hard that he could just walk away. We broke up for valid reasons but I think things would be different now - but he didn’t want to get back together and I won’t allow myself to beg.

I keep wondering if he’s thinking of me and worrying about me because of this coronavirus even though he has no reason to because I’m fit and healthy. But I wonder if I ever pass through his mind.

Please don’t say just to move on and stop thinking of him. Do you think it’s likely he’ll ever get in touch with me again? Why did he sob so much on the phone when I said I couldn’t be friends if he didn’t feel anything for me. I’m so confused.

As painful as it is, you need to stop the what if’s. He knows how to contact you and hasn’t, that is a very clear message.

You want more than friendship and he doesn’t and you went NC make the boundary very clear. It would be incredibly unfair to contact him if your position hasn’t changed, just as it would be unfair for him to contact you if his position hasn’t changed.

You can’t move forward if you choose to stay stuck.

I doubt it- sounds selfish and uncaring. Trust me I'm in a similar situation- missing someone I know doesn't deserve me but it's hard

I know this will sound trite but anyway - yes it is possible to get over someone but quite often that doesn't happen until you meet someone else.

Currently you're focusing on your "lost love" because you have no one else to focus on. You're yearning for what you thought things could have been, when they never were.

You could waste a huge amount of your life thinking of the "what ifs" and "if onlys", while the right person for you could be around the corner, but because your focus is in the wrong direction, you never notice.

I doubt very much he will get in touch. He may have moved on, he may not, but you both realised it wouldn't work as a relationship, he only wanted to be friends, you didn't want that and blocked him - what on earth would he have to gain to contact you?

You do need to move on, despite you not wanting to be told that, no doubt because you already know it - open yourself up to other possibilities and hopefully someone WILL come along who truly loves you for who you are.

Ah thank you very much for your messages.

You are all right. Agent what you said really resonated. My boundaries haven’t changed and it would be very unfair for either of us to contact each other if our positions were still the same.

When we last spoke, he said “I’ve been where you are and it’s awful but don’t feel like you can’t get back in touch if you want to be friends”. Well I knew then and still do now that I wouldn’t want to do that. I’m just not interested in being friends and would rather leave it in the past than maintain a friendship.

Thumb - you asked what would he have to gain by contacting me. I guess I hoped he would change his mind and then contact me hoping I would feel the same way. But you’re right I don’t want to spend ages pining for someone. It’s just not worth it.

Im feeling a bit better and have kept myself busy today. I’ll just try and keep my mind occupied.