Why is there always someone else?

[yoosushi]

I met a guy a year ago now.
We got on great and started seeing each other.
Then he told me he didn't want anything serious with anybody.
He told me that after he slept with someone else (I thought we were headed for a relationship)
One girl who he was friends with for years got back In touch with him and he slept with her and was texting her (whilst texting me and still slept with me)
Then she got sick of him not wanting to commit.
Then there was another random girl who he started messaging (still messaging me) then he stopped texting her.
Me and him had a couple more dates and at last I thought he's stopped being a player.
He slept with another random woman.
Once again he's get out of jail card was "we aren't official"
Then we stopped speaking as I'd had enough.
6 weeks later we've started texting again but now I've noticed another girl (different one) is obviously the latest one to add to the bundle.
What's going on here with him?
We get close ..he pulls back and hurts me
Rinse
Repeat

What is so great about a womaniser wanting to be with you? Is it because there's so much competition that you would feel like you've beaten loads of other women in the race to make this incredible catch?

Serious question - he sounds awful and I don't get why you would be interested.

What about him thats so special? He must have an amazing dick.

There isn't.
I do this with every guy.
Put them on a pedestal that they can't do wrong then obsess over them.
Any normal women would have told him where to go ages ago.

Well, clearly not every woman, seeing how many he's managing to get into bed.
But yes, stop wondering about his motives and start working on yours.

We can't change other people's behaviour, we can only change ours and our reactions.

This fool doesn't deserve any space in your head, never mind your bed!

The second he said he "didn't want anythnig serious" he was telling you he's sussed you don't have the self esteem to say "no thanks then," and knew he could casually shag you while looking for someone "better."
Honestly, save you heart and head a lot of pain and just cut contact completely. Real relationships start with two genuine people who like each other, enjoy each other's company and don't see the point is pissing each other about.

The thing is he didn't tell me he didn't want anything serious till 3 months down the line.
After I developed feelings.
Then after I stopped speaking he came back and started speaking again (at this point I shouldn't have started speaking )
That was my mistake

I do this with every guy. Put them on a pedestal that they can't do wrong then obsess over them.

Can you start channelling your efforts into YOURSELF instead of men who don't give a fig about you?

To start with, read those books I mentioned in my previous post.

And remember:
“The key is in learning how to live a healthy, satisfying, and serene life without being dependent on another person for happiness.”
― Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much

After I developed feelings.
Feelings shouldn't trump rational thought. They're not some disease that means we can't look after our interests and should lap up the crumbs of affection from shit head. I have been where you are and now look back in shame at what a wet blanket I was.

Hi OP. I really hope you're okay. Some of the comments here aren't helpful at all :(
You know the right thing to do which is obviously leave this situationship! You will look back and wonder why you were so sad about this when you're with someone who truly adores you and isn't afraid of commitment. We've all been there, it sucks and feels like the end of the world but you will be ok xx

I went out with loads of guys like this... There was fun times. And there was tears... And there was always other women!
I finally figured out that I was the problem. Once I said no to yet another player, I met my husband. It was a conscious decision to change.

OP, with due respect, why do you need to ask if you should break contact with this piss taker? I appreciate the value of seeking opinions and that's what this kind of forum is for but surely in this situation, gut instinct should guide you.

He’s led you on in order to get a shag. He’s got you dangling. He can shag you when he wants and shag other people. It’s an ego boost for him. He’s probably got loads of girls, more than you know! At some point he’ll probably catch something nasty because guys like that like to ride bareback. It’s all about him, he doesn’t even see you as a person. Do yourself a huge favour. Stop chasing him. Send him a message to say “we’re off. No longer an item. Don’t contact me again. Not into cheater guys and you’re pretty gross. Hope you don’t die of an STD at some point. You’re so vile. You’re now blocked” and mean it. Block him on everything. Get some help on your self esteem and find somebody who treats you right

Sorry for the tone of my posts. I'm genuinely sad for you please listen to the suggestions and keep talking to us.

And bear in mind that he will ramp up his flattery of you when you try and walk away from him. This lockdown could be fantastic for you.

He’s a twat, that’s what’s going on with him OP. He enjoys the chase, he will never commit.

So sorry you are going through this op. He sounds utterly horrid Go cold Turkey. Block him today on every device you ow . Post on here if you are tempted to contact him and everyone will soon talk you out of it

Please don't keep putting yourself through this. There are decent men out there and you deserve so much more

@yoosushi

The thing is he didn't tell me he didn't want anything serious till 3 months down the line

OK, fair enough - that was really shit of him, he sounds like a shitty person who isn't arsed about how other people feel then.

But that was also 9 months ago.

For some reason, you're stuck in this spot where you're seeing a man who makes you feel awful and sad, but you're also not doing anything to change that. So it's a double whammy - you're sad about him, and I imagine there are times when you loathe yourself for staying in the situation.
That's extremely dangerous for you emotionally, if you let this carry on too long, you'll be destroyed and vulnerable to an even worse abuser next time around. Someone needs to stand up for you here - ideally, that someone needs to be you.

What's keeping you from walking away from this situation that is hurting you so much? Can you tell us a bit about what you think is going to happen, what you hope will happen, etc?

Speaking from experience I know it's hard when you have feelings for someone and they don't want a relationship with you.

This man isn't right for you. Post Covid-19 get yourself back out there when you are ready and find someone who thinks you are special

Another suggestion - use the isolation period to try to get yourself over this guy. It probably seems like everyone else is cosying up with a partner but that isn't always the case

I have known my husband for 10 years and we have a daughter. About 6 months ago we started having problems reasons being I found out he was cheating on me. He went away on holiday to Bali with the girl without my knowledge he lied to me and said he was going with his friends. When he came back I had changed the locks to the door to the flat that we share but up until now I have no idea how he gained entry. I confronted him about the holiday and he still lied. He kept on carrying on like things were normal but we kept arguing. Unfortunately our daughter fell sick and she was in ITU round about the time I had decided to leave. And he kept on disappearing to be with his girlfriend who by the way knows that he has a wife and kid. It was in January our daughter came back home and he said he was sorry and wanted to make things work but he didn't stop. Disappearing most weekends and we had a planned holiday asked him if we should cancel as we were not getting along he said to go could give us a chance to build our relationship again but through out the 2 week holiday he was communicating with the girl.
We came back but we had decided I should stay at home and look after our daughter as it was very terrifying what she had gone through while in hospital but things between us were only getting worse and I couldn't move as I had no money. I asked to move out and told him we should separate asked him to talk about what we do in terms of our child but he never responded all he kept saying that he was not going anywhere he was sorry and he didn't want to lose his family. Now I know we cannot be together but now because of coronavirus we are stuck together in a 1 bed flat am I being unreasonable when I get upset that he answers his girlfriends phone calls infront of me and can anyone advise how I live with this man who cant stand my sight he looks at me as if I'm the one that did wrong how do I live with him on this current situation.

If it helps - he will be doing this to everyone else as well. What a wild time he is having. What a sad fuck with mummy issues / intimacy issues.

You, however, need to work on yourself.

While you do - 2 golden rules.

1/ Never get locked into the game of wishing, hoping, working to get them to give you the attention you crave - to notice you, to choose you. (fuck that shit)

2/ The first time a man makes you feel bad, don't try and figure it out - just walk. Would you stick around if he was stabbing you in the hand? Value your emotional health in the same protective way.

@Chaz2020 start your own thread, no-one will see your post here because you have posted in someone else's thread.

I found out today that during my 16 year relationship 13 years married now 5 years divorced had slept with 14 different women!! Not sure what they saw In him as he wasn’t very good so must have paid some of them. He thought he had better tell me to help me with my guilt of leaving him. I don’t feel guilty anymore just relived.

Sorry to read that peonyfairy, what an absolute scumbag. You must be glad you’re away from that one. OP, there are nice guys out there that will want to commit.