Ex ghosting me after saying he wants to try again?

[askadvice96]

My ex and I recently met up and both wanted to try again. He previously cheated on me and said that he knows those girls need to be out of his life for us to have a future and he agreed to do that with it not being any issue.

He left a photo of us on his Facebook since we broke up but yesterday deleted this. I asked him why he was deleting any trace of me from his social media when we’re supposedly trying again but he still had all the girls on his social media and hasn’t made any attempt to remove them from his life.. And now he has completely ghosted me; hasn’t read or replied to my messages but has been online.

Prior to this he has been saying how much he wants to try again, that he’s missed me so much and really wants us to have a future.

I’m so confused - why say all this and then delete the photo of us suddenly but not remove any of the girls he cheated with? Why now ghost me?

No wonder you're confused. If you weren't emotionally invested (understandably) you'd see it for what it is: he's a very immature, unkind twat.

He doesn't know what he wants. he's using you as a buffer and an ego boost. He's a nasty little shit in my opinion.
Very selfish.
If I was you I'd use this time to block him and move on

It’s because you actually expected him to do what he said. Eg have those girls out of his life.

The fact that you didn’t just get back with him and allow him to carry on unchallenged means he changed his mind.

But he couldnt say that because that would prove he is a arsehole so ghosting it is.

I think I’m so confused because it was all going well until I said about this I then got no reply. I just don’t get why delete the photo regardless.. if we’re trying again why remove it?

You know he's no good and you can do better right?
You couldn't ever trust him after he's done this.

if we’re trying again why remove it?

Because he wanted to sort of try enough to be able to shag you and have a nice time with you, but not so much that he couldn't still pursue other women.

It sounds like your idea of "trying again" was very different from his, and when you pointed this out with your question, he probably just thought, I CBA and stopped bothering.

He sounds like an unusually immature and annoying person. I hope you can move on x

Thank you.. I just don’t understand why tell me he wants a future together, the whole package and admit his wrong doings etc. Actually had a good couple days together and it’s gone to this. My mind honestly has never felt so confused x

He's been seeing someone else since you were last together. When it's looked like it's not going to happen with her, he's got in touch with you as his back up plan. The other woman, knowing you're his ex, has said that if they are to be together he must remove you (just like you said) so he's removed and now ghosted you.

He's a cheat, disrespectful to you and you deserve better. He's done you a massive favour and when you meet someone who loves and deserves you, you will be grateful to him.

This is what’s happened.

One or all the girls stopped talking to him.

He got back in contact with you.

One of them have reached out to him or he found some one else on online dating.

He is a cunt. He was using you.

Don’t let him do it again

Well I’m even more confused now! He relied (ignoring any of what I asked) but said I’d basically had a conversation with myself in the texts and that he didn’t respond as it was too much. He also lives with his mum and asked if I were able to stay - his mum is quite strict with how he treats women and would’ve said if he’d been seeing someone else. She didn’t know I was outside and able to hear the conversation so wouldn’t have held back either. My mind has never felt so off.

When someone does this to your brain, it's time to end things for good.

It doesn't get better, it only gets worse. Good people do not have you feeling this confusion.

After all, you know 100 per cent that he didn't remove all trace of you from his FB because he loves you, did he?

You deserve to be loved. He can't do that. Throw him back.

There is literally nothing to be confused about.

You have been dating someone who can't be arsed.

He noticed that if he said nice things to you, you tended to just believe him, like a child believes her mother.

So, he just says whatever he knows you want to hear, and then you give him attention in return, and he likes that. He doesn't actually care about you and certainly doesn't want to stop pursuing other women, so, obviously he will change his FB however he wants.

You asked a question that interrupted what he wants to do (that is, pursue other women) - you questioned him about his behaviour. That annoyed him, so he is ignoring you, and when he replies, he basically dismisses what you said.

He is hoping you with STFU and let him carry on with his desires - which is, to have you, as well as probably several other girls, on the burners at all times.

Who cares what his mother says? That has nothing to do with anything.

Please stop using up your precious time on a guy who is spelling out for you, super clearly, that you aren't in any way precious or special to him.

There is nothing to be confused about. Unless you're doing that thing where you have already decided that you are going to forgive him/stop asking questions, so you're just trying to argue yourself into believing that he really does love you, or some such rubbish

You need to take back control. He was the one who cheated, he shouldn't be calling the shots. If you want to allow yourself to be cheated on again and treated like shit, carry on chasing him and being confused.
Or you could see him for what he is. An absolute twat who doesn't care about you or he wouldn't have done it in the first place. It sounds like there was multiple women as well.
You deserve better. Tell yourself this and repeat!!!

Please dont think his mum has any say in how he treats you. Many mums get on with sons gfs, many sons have overbearing mothers who try and tell their sons how to treat women. It NEVER makes a difference, arseholes are still arseholes.

Throw this one back, he is treating you poorly. Hes looking for an easy shag and ego boost, nothing more.

His ego got a little boost from you "chasing" him to come back (no matter what he said too) and now that little high is over hes back to being a knob.
If he wanted you he would be jumping through every hoop you put infront of him to make it right. He isnt. He doesnt want to.

Op, he's cheated on you, he's messing with your head, he's making you feel crap, he's not showing you that he loves you or cares for you. Who cares what he says? It's easy to say that he loves you. It means nothing.

Walk away, you are worth more. Honestly, it's not this difficult.

Tell him to do one op.

I expect the "good couple days together" involved him getting his end away?

Look, aim higher than a guy who cheats on you. If he's messing you about after all that, and yet you're still hanging about, he knows he can click his fingers and you'll take him back, whatever you claim. Dump the fucker already.

Don’t try and understand how other people think.

Just concentrate on how he makes you feel.

By the sounds he makes you feel confused and unloved. That’s all you need to understand

“Please stop using up your precious time on a guy who is spelling out for you, super clearly, that you aren't in any way precious or special to him.

There is nothing to be confused about. Unless you're doing that thing where you have already decided that you are going to forgive him/stop asking questions, so you're just trying to argue yourself into believing that he really does love you, or some such rubbish”

This. It is generally a bad sign if you have to ask why your BF is behaving a certain way. This guy cares very little for you and is doing just enough to keep you dangling for when it suits him. The nice time together clearly means very little to him - you were available and he kept you sweet for as long as it suited him. Don’t dangle. Cut the thread. Withdraw yourself. Keep yourself for someone who will treat you well. Sure you have feelings for him now. Believe me they will pass. He doesn’t deserve you. Someone else will. But in the meantime it’s far better to be single than messed around by some d1ck. Who, btw, probably poses a huge CV risk on top of everything else.

If he truly wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. But he’s not.

Fuck him off. He’s wasting your time and causing you pain and you are getting nothing out of this.

He's not worth it. Have some respect for yourself. He cheated on you, not once but with multiple other women. He is still in contact with them. Most likely still seeing them.

He is not "the one" for you. Don't waste any more time on him.

He doesn't want the other girls to see any trace of you.

I suggest you use this period social distancing and get him out of your life for good.

If was genuine, he would have true remorse for his cheating, but he isn't remorseful.

Don't give him the chance to cheat on you again.

He just isn't that into you op. Not to be cruel but if he really did want you then he would make it obvious and make it happen. When words don't match his actions then it is simply a falsehood. Anyone can lie and tell someone what they want to hear. Do you think his words are matching his actions?

He's just a shit person op. He either just wanted to sleep with you or worse, he wanted to know you were still into him and he could have another chance if he wanted- to feed his ego.

Maybe that's enough for him or maybe another girl he had thought had had enough of him is now interested so he's switched back to her for a bit.

Either way, don't let him play with your emotions anymore. By deleting you from social media he us saying clearly 'This is your place. You will accept me acting like I am single online. I fully intend to date other women without them knowing about you. I think you are a pushover and will stand for it'.

Delete and block him in everything. No need to have any more conversations with him. He lies. And he probably enjoys messing you around. He wont change. It isn't anything you have done. He just sucks. Learn the lesson and remove him from your life.

Sadly OP you havent figured out yet that some men say things they do not mean. Words are just that. Words. Cheap. Easy. They mean nothing

Because he wanted to sort of try enough to be able to shag you and have a nice time with you, but not so much that he couldn't still pursue other women.

This.

Why is he doing all this? Because he can.

My god, he's made it clear he isn't willing to be the kind of boyfriend you want.

If you notice someone has had a "really good few days" because it's that out of character for them to not be an arsehole for 48-72 hours then that's reason enough to end it.

This is the kind of relationship that rumbles on for 5/10 years because the partner in your shoes doesn't just walk away.

It will never be easiest to ditch him than now and it'll be the best thing you've ever done.