Child's contact with ex - isolation

[Yourteaisgettingcold]

My 2yr old sees their father every other weekend, currently we are all in isolation due to my ex showing symptoms but when he has the all clear I was wondering whether I would be unreasonable to say he can only see our child at my house so I can limit the people he has contact with?

My ex was one of the idiots still going to and bragging about being in the pub after the government told people to avoid them, he is a true narcissist who only cares about himself so wont think about the impact his actions could have on our child or anyone he comes into contact with.

I dont know what the reasonable or unreasonable thing to do in this situation would be?

There is no court order for access in place and, once I'm out isolation, I will only be leaving my home to go to the shops.

I've cancelled contact completely

I'm worried about cancelling contact entirely because of how aggressive he can be and the repercussions of me doing that. Health does come first though so I was hoping to be able to tell him I've spoken to a few people who agree with me (if that is the case).

I agree with you if it helps. If he isn't following social distancing guidelines then he is putting all of you at risk. When you say about him being aggressive, what kind of thing are you worried about? I mean are you worried about him being physically violent?

Cancel contact, no person with an ounce of sense will criticise you for safeguarding you and your child’s health!

What about If you have an order? Weve been in self isolation for 6 days now and actually I think everyone should be to try ans contain the virus. My ex was out Thursday ans friday night has been going to ans from work and is demanding the kids a week Tuesday (when the 14 days is up?

I think if child just goes between his house and your house should be fine. Mine,s still going to school we will have about a dozen kids still in nursery. So to me between his homes should be ok.

Even if hea not taking appropriate steps to socially distance himself?

I've cancelled contact, my ex isn't isolating himself or even socially distancing and won't have the children in his house. He can face time.

Is that his choice or yours

How long have you said this will go on for ?

Surely just cancel all contact until he either proves that he is isolating or the current crisis is over? What’s the worse that can happen? He will contact a solicitor who will tell him they’ll see him next year because their staff are all isolating or he’ll take you to court when a judge will tell him he’s wrong because it’s government ordered to isolate. I can’t see any way here that a non isolating ex can win? I’d say “no contact” and then see what they do with that response

I just cant trust him not to go out. And if he has been out ans about he could develop systems in the next 2 weeks....

It feels unreasonable to me, sorry. He is an equal parent and has just as much right as you to make decisions about how he spends his contact time. I would perceive this as very controlling if an ex did this to me. As you've no court order, you can do what you like, but he would be well within his rights to take you to court. You may then end up with a contact schedule that doesn't suit you, which you have to adhere to because it's enshrined in a court order.

@Twelveroses you’re talking out your arse there, no court in the land is going to advise you go against government guidelines and put your child at risk. Yes he could take her to court, and she could tell the court how he was willing to put the child’s life at risk by refusing to social distance and the court is going to see the father as an irresponsible parent who can’t follow simple directions.

Cafcass provide information on their website on this. From memory contact should continue unless in isolation when other methods (ie FT, phone, Zoom) should be used to keep in touch. This probably assumes that all parties are appropriately following govt guidelines which I think is really the issue you are stating. Can you communicate with him, poss share Cafcass/govt guidelines? It’s v difficult as you can’t control Ex actions. If they put DC at risk then you need to take control, but it should be a last resort

We do have a court order and I do respect that. I would also like the boys to see their dad. However, he is still working in a busy environment, he has not confirmed if he can work from home. He said that are simply "guidelines" suggesting we dont need to abide by them. He was out at the pub Thursday and friday (after BJ Announced they were to close). He does not tell me the truth of communicate.

He was demanding to collecting the boys at 3pm thursday despite knowing we were in self isolation. He has not once text asking if the boys are ok.

3 days ago I said I have set up emails for the boys and see up zoom so he can speak to them easily on there as well.as what's app. I have said he can be involved in helping with their learning and we can set up a mini lesson with dad so he can continue to be involved. He has not responded.

@BogOffWinter What is your expertise in this field?

Whether or not the court thinks OP is being reasonable on this specific point, if her ex takes her to court for an order about child arrangements, an order may be made, and that risks being less convenient for OP than an informal agreement.

So today he has see his brother, his folks (who came back from spain last sunday), been to Tesco and hes going to work tomorrow.

@Twelveroses extensive history through family courts with an ex who put my children’s lives at risk, that’s my experience in this field.

Could you offer very regular Skype/FaceTime instead of contact for "her safety"?

And yes, a court order could be made, but - again, from experience - most parents don’t stick to the court order. It’s used as framework and guidance for the parents to build on and adapt as suits them when the tension and emotions afterwards run out. E.g one family has a court order saying kids see P1 on these days, P2 on those days. Parents have adjusted the days outside of court to suit themselves and their kids needs. Don’t try scaremongering a woman who’s just desperate to keep her children safe. If the father is purposefully putting himself at risk then it’s 100% right that he doesn’t see his child until this is over.

So what they been in spain the virus is here as well so that's pointless info and so what thye went top a supermarket we all got to shop You sound hardwork.

If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.

@june2007 stupid much? Folk with your attitudes are the reason people are dying.