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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Police and abusive husband.

33 replies

Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 22:40

I’m a bit scared. I’m separated from my abusive husband and living with a family member with my daughter who is 3. He is going to be isolated in our house round the corner all by himself. I stopped contact with dd in December because he is such an abusive man. I’m suffering with PTSD and I’m terrified he is going to come for me to get his daughter. I’ve called the police 3 times already. He went away for a week but he will be back at the weekend. Will the police still be available? Am I going to have to accept contact? I can’t be near that man. I’m already panicking and I’m so weak emotionally.

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 20/03/2020 22:44

How awful. Can you contact womens aid for advice. Is there someone else you can stay with. Yes the police are always there. Is there a restraining order out against him. Stay strong. We are here to help. Flowers

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 22:49

I have the non-mol ready but then I had a bit of a relapse with my anxiety and have been too much in a state to do anything. As long as the police will still come. I know he is going to come here, he will sit in that house alone stewing in it.

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 20/03/2020 22:54

Dont let him in. Have you got good support from your family and the person you are staying with.

12345kbm · 20/03/2020 22:55

If he approaches the house dial 999. Explain you have a Non Mol and there's a history of domestic abuse. Keep the doors and windows locked and don't communicate with him at all. Keep a log of events. He'll be arrested if he breaches the Non Mol.

Do not accept contact. Refuse communication with him.

Have you been given advice on safety?

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 22:56

No the person I’m with is not in great health. Very small mainly female family, but they all isolating for various health conditions. I wish I could hire a big man for a while!

OP posts:
pallasathena · 20/03/2020 22:57

You need to act strong. Men like him are basically dickheads and the sooner you realise it, the stronger you become.
Act tough, uncompromising. Confident. Look him in the eye and demolish him.
You've got this.
Flowers

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 22:57

I never filed the non-mol, I couldn’t get my head round it. I wish I did now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 22:58

He is mentally unstable as well as abusive. He is not the right man to look in the eyes. He will probably smash the door in.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 20/03/2020 22:59

Can you file it now?

You need safety advice OP. People don't realise that leaving is only half of it. You are most at risk after leaving and in the first year of leaving. You need a Non Molestation Order.

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:00

Before he went to work, drank and smoked a lot of weed, now he is going to sit and stew with no relief from his mind.

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 20/03/2020 23:00

Is there anywhere else you could stay.

12345kbm · 20/03/2020 23:01

If you think he's going to smash the door in you need to phone the police. Dial 101 and speak to them. You could also try getting into a refuge. Refuges are oversubscribed but it would keep you safe until a Non Mol was in place. If you can't get into a refuge, is there anywhere you can go?

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:02

No. I have an uncle with COPD, he won’t want us there and a nan who is 90.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:04

I don’t know if my mind is over exaggerating from the PTSD or it’s really as bad as I think.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 20/03/2020 23:04

Contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 Contact them tonight. Keep trying if you can't get through. They may be able to find you a refuge. You also need to contact the police for advice.

ChibiTotoro · 20/03/2020 23:05

Yes the police will still be available. There are lots of plans in place to try and ensure business as usual, with officers set to be redeployed to the front line.

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:05

I can’t leave my mum who I’m staying with, she has M.S and can’t cope without me, especially now.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 20/03/2020 23:06

What's she going to do if he kicks in the door and attacks you both OP?

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:07

Nothing but if I leave her who is going to care for her. She can’t go out shopping etc

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 20/03/2020 23:08

If you and mum are at risk of harm from him you need to get in touch with the police. A refuge or hotel for you all might be safer.

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:08

I have a marker on this house with the police.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 20/03/2020 23:10

OP try to listen to the advice being given to you.

You need to a. contact the police on 101 and speak to them. You need to b. contact the NDAH - number above, for advice.

Original poster
Fightingback16 · 20/03/2020 23:11

Ok I will ring 101 and tell them what I’m saying on here.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 20/03/2020 23:12

Also get advice on the Non Mol and see if you can still file it.

12345kbm · 20/03/2020 23:12

You need to contact both OP. The police and the helpline.

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