Anyone else facing isolation in a unhappy/ended relationship?

[GirlOnIt]

Officially not in a relationship but still living together, two young children. We've actually been getting on fine, but he's just messaged to say from Monday he'll be working from home for four weeks.
I knew it was probably coming and we've discussed it slightly, but I can't deny I'm dreading it a bit.

Anyone else is a similar situation? And any tips to make it bearable?

Least I can send him out on the food/toilet roll hunt instead of braving it with two kids, so that's a positive.

I'm in the same boat. It's awful. We've been going down the slippery slope for months. Marriage counselling hasn't worked and he hasn't made any effort to change. He thought it would be a good idea to try and make it work whilst all this is going on. I didn't. So now we have been separated for 4 days and on day 2 of lockdown. Fortunately at the moment, he is still going to work but I'm sure the government will announce a full complete lockdown soon where only key workers can work. It's kind of amicable at the moment but I'm sure it won't last long. I'm trying to be for the sake of our young son. How do you all actually cope with being in this situation? Any tips would be appreciated

It really is awful. My head hurts with thinking about it constantly. I’m so unhappy. If it wasn’t for the children, divorcing would be straightforward but I couldn’t cope with the guilt. I wish there was a middle ground between splitting and staying together.

Similar feelings here. The only solace I had was knowing dh would be out at work til 7 every night, and off to the gym or out at a gig on a weekend. Now there's no escape, and also he's coughing which is really getting to me. I'm sitting out in the garden just to be out of the way. And, no beating around the bush here, I'm missing the one I do want to be with. He was my escape, and now that's not something I can escape to. I so want to sort everything out, finish things here and move on. It was hard enough to contemplate before, but now a global catastrophe comes along. . . . Hope everyone's ok x

It's hard.
On a plus. This has focused my mind more than anything else the last few years. I found holidays and christmas hard. But this! I don't want to be with someone who can't check in on me during the day. I did ask him one day if he would ignore a work colleague all day? And evening. He said I was being rude. But he cannot stand human interaction with me. He thinks I'm going to drivel on. be too needy. And I just need some basic emotional contact.

When this is over he'll start speaking to me nicely again and express surprise that I want to split up. He'll say he doesn't. And make it hard for me. And yet, thinks it's ok to go on for days focusing on and prioritising his work and pretending he hasn't got me and a family around him. I appreciate we have to work from home but he won't speak at lunch or anything. He's probably taking everything out on me now, all his anger, in the most passive way ever. This is my punishment. When I mooted us splitting just before Christmas, after years of trying to work on it - my biggest fear was his passive anger. If I'd known lockdown was coming I'd have kept my mouth shut.

Now, every thing he does is annoying me. I'm getting physically affected by all of this. 24 hours day in day out with someone you were about to split from is crap.

I’m also in this nightmare situation trapped in the house all day with my stbxh while we sort out divorce proceedings. I feel on edge all day and unable to focus or relax at all.

The only thing that’s made me slightly more positive is I’ve found out The Freedom Programme is available online - going to take a look at it .

Now that the asshole has lost his job ( again ), I am dreading him being around all day . Barely holding it together while I only had to see him in the evenings.

lemony you can still move this week, not a tota llockdown yet - even if you don't want to involve a removals guy with a van (who you can distance with properly), you can move in a car with essentials in cases, folding bed, chairs, small tablethat you can carry yourself, and then get the rest of your stuff later.
You don't need to meet people on the way, do you? Unless of course the new place needs a lot of work with traders involved.

a car with a good boot that is, and a couple of trips.

Me. We officially split up months ago. We agreed a few weeks ago that he would buy me out of my share of the house. I’ve found a new house, offer was accepted and now it’s stopped due to the current situation. I’m absolutely gutted. I finally saw a light at the end of this horrific tunnel for me snd the DC’s. I’m really hoping that this a short delay in me moving on with my life.

Ex-P is very happy at the moment as the house can't be sold, and I can't move on. He's the happiest I have seen him in months.

He made a big fuss on Mother's Day, buying chocolate & flowers, having been telling me to "fuck off" in front of the DC a week or so before.

He's been a useless partner, more like an opponent, had affairs & doesn't pull his weight in terms of family life.

What a prize. And I am stuck with him just now. Which he is very happy about. Controlling c*nt that he is.

Sorry I've not posted. Hope everyone is doing ok with the new restrictions. Things haven't been too bad here, he was being a bit lost puppy like and following me around a lot. We spoke and he's been a bit better since.
I've been a bit emotional, it all feels so much. He did ask if he could still give me a hug the other day as I was upset which was nice.

Same here... I did get him to move out if the bedroom due to my symptoms and it felt so good, gave me space.
Counselling ongoing but I just don't know how on earth we can split in the current situation. He's being super helpful, considerate etc.. None of it changes how I feel though.

On one hand it is sad to read all your stories of sadness and difficulty. I hope you are all finding some space and joy in a part of your days.
On the other hand, I’m relieved to find fellow inmates in this trap.

I’ve been trying to split since November, and finally convinced him to go through mediation. He is now refusing the joint meeting until we can meet in person! And worse he is back in the cycle of thinking that this is a blip and not acknowledging the split! Arggghhh.

It’s so complicated.

Good luck to you all

There seems to be a lot of men sticking their heads in the sand on this thread!

Mine is still in denial, with me having finished things in October/November.

How are folks doing in lockdown? I’m grateful to have found this thread. Marriage really unhappy, full of disconnection and conflict. I was thinking about separating anyway, once I can afford to. DH also probably autistic (though wouldn’t ever recognise that) and very rigid/easily agitated. I really dislike living with him. I am currently financially dependent as I’ve been at home with 2 young kids (youngest 2). Lockdown has come at a terrible time. I have days when I feel ok and days, like yesterday, when I feel terrible and cry alone (in the rare moments I get alone!).

I think we are in such difficult times that all normality seems to have been suspended...
I actually don't mind my DHs company in a group, or just around the house, but there's just nothing else there...

Keep thinking maybe it'll come back, maybe I don't need the spark..
But truth is I've been trying replace the things missing for years.
He doesn't really know properly, I'm using counselling to get it across to him gradually, but I know he's going to go into denial heavily. He's done that for years to be fair.

Had a huge huge row with Dh this morning. He's been at work, key worker. Now he's at home and the atmosphere is awful. He's not speaking to me. If the past is anything to go by this week could last 3-4 days.

Exhausted from crying. He's been home half a day. He's now downstairs happily video calling his pals, completely oblivious! Hugs for everyone

@Waitingforsleep2
Of course you are being reasonable, some families will be eatong very simple food because of working with what they have...needs must...mind yours4

@Oblomov20...so sorry ...

Same here @Stegasaurusmum It's surprisingly been ok this week, dh been working from home, I've been off all week, so we've all been in the house together. Because of all the difficulties, we've been talking more than ever, and getting on quite well. You'd think this should be a good thing, but it only makes it harder. He's playing bowling on the Wii with the kids right now, we all watched TOTP earlier, like the old days. But still my feelings haven't changed. This is not enough for me, but it makes it so much harder to end. How would the kids ever understand that I don't want all this 'fun'? They would understand if he was being mean or ignoring them or me, but it's like he's suddenly dad of the year. Ok, maybe that's exaggerating, but you know what I mean. More than ever I can't see how to move on without breaking hearts

@Bearski77

Focus on day to day.
If things are peaceful and the children are ok...focus on that.

When this is over, you will do what you have to do and you will get through it.

But at the moment, you are stuck .....and you simply can't change that.

One day at a time.

I told DH last night that I think we should split we haven't had sex for months because he doesn't see me in that way any more. I've been clinging on hoping that he would change but now we're spending 24/7 together I can see he doesn't want me any more. Other than that our relationship is great which makes the decision even harder. I just can't spend any more time crying and feeling bad about myself, I need to be happy.

@Bearski77 yes, totally get that, just the getting on OK. Kids will not understand. But, I know I'm unhappy and resentful. I know they see no affection between us, just civility. They see me in the driving seat of everything, and eventually that will teach them that it's OK to settle for someone who is your friend as a partner, I don't want them to learn that, because I did, so did he, which has lead to this.
I want them to see me either in my own and happy, or maybe one day with someone new, showing affection, smiling, being in love..
I know that I could leave things a few more years, I could just get along etc... But in the long run, my resentment at missing out on all that, would build, would show through...
I guess take from the getting on that if that's still there, its good, it might be enough to keep things civil and calm for the kids.
I'm fully expecting him to get nasty once he's fully realised what's happening. He's very cold and emotionally doesn't seem to notice other people's feelings... Part of the reason I can't live with him anymore.
Arguments will probably start I guess.. This whole lick down and working from home might turn it into a pressure cooker.. @Oblomov20 I feel for you. It must be so hard. Can you find a space in the house just for you? DH was back in our bed last night and I hated it. I feel asleep on the sofa, went to bed and just wanted him out of my little space.