Using my credit card to buy food

[pulse1979]

Hello all.

I am hoping for some opinions because I tend to over react sometimes and I am hoping to get others opinions. I have been with my partner for a year and a half. We both have separate places but spend almost all our time at my place. I have more money then him and tend to pay for most things. The other day he went and paid for something with my credit card. I ended up going out of town and he happened to still have my card. He mentioned he was going to go and get some groceries etc and asked if I wanted him to grab anything. I said no. I later noticed that my card was charged. He said he split the groceries with me and used my card for half. I confronted him and said I would want him to ask before he used my card. Explained it was stealing in a way and that he didn't have my permission. He got all upset and we ended in a big fight. For me it is t about the money. He does contribute what he can when he can but I pay for almost everything in or relationship. I am very generous with him and his daughters and was shocked that he would use my credit card without permission. Even though it was to buy groceries while he stays at my house. Good chance I will eat some so he says I should have paid. Again. It is about the principle of not getting permission or at least letting me know. I often give him gifts or loan him money etc but was shocked without permission. Am I overreacting? Thanks. I.

Omg!

You sound way too nice, way too giving. He shas sniffed you out like a cocklodging rat.

In fact, he sniffed you out a mile off, saw MUG written all over your forehead but then as he got closer realised you were, in fact an actual mug and jumped straight in with his daughters for company!

How can you have sex with a man who is blatantly using you?!

He is take take take and laughing all the way to the bank because he has zero respect for you!

Don't tell me you do all the housework, laundry and cleaning and childminding too?!?

I dumped a man similar to yours. He felt 'entitled' to use my resources, and was pushing for a move-in rent free with his son coming too. He ran off with some of my tools as well when I ended the relationship. I am so glad I ditched him, and you should ditch this one. It is not exactly that you are paying out a lot, but it is very much that this man is a loser who has no qualms in leeching off you. He has no pride, no sense of adult independence and no real feelings towards you. If he had respect, he would provide his share and would not feel that he could use you in this way. Some people are sadistic with others resources and opportunistic in exploiting a weakness. In your case, you call him your 'partner' but you don't live together, nor does he act like a partner in equal sharing. You have constructed him as someone he is not, and you should never live together as he will bleed you dry. Find an adult to date who pays his own way, and doesn't scrounge off you. We are heading for tough financial times with the pandemic, and he will abuse your hospitality.

Wow he’s very entitled.

Thank you all for your replies. They have been helpful. I just realized that this is a forum for women. I don't think it changes your viewpoint but I am a gay man. Sorry if I deceived. Was not intentional. I am torn because I don't think he meant to be deceitful and it is for groceries for my condo but i just don't think anyone should ever use someone else's credit card without permission. Again. Thank you for your replies and comments.

He could actually get arrested for using your card (even if you gave permission) if your card ever got chosen for a random security check. It nearly happened to me when I popped out for groceries when I was still with my DC's dad as he was ill and I was waiting on a replacement card for my account as I'd lost it. The shop had to seize and destroy his card and I was apparently "lucky" they didn't phone the police. The bank didn't care that I had his permission, that didn't matter because I wasn't the account holder.

I'd tell him that and go change your PIN now, and don't leave any cards with him in case he shops online instead.

I don't think it changes your viewpoint but I am a gay man.
Nope, he's still a dick.

Doesn't matter that you are gay man, he's still a cheeky fucker and shouldn't have your credit card at all. Having it by accident and you being away, doesn't mean he should use it just because he was eating the food in your house. Which is also cheeky, you aren't there, he goes home.
Dump his user arse.

You being gay doesn’t change anything, you have a fundamental difference in belief systems. Of course you wouldn’t dream of behaving the same, simply because you have a different value system.

and unfortunately your behaviour to date has

I’d end it for that OP!

I’m be pissed off. Tight bastard. I wouldn’t use anyone’s card without asking.

Good chance I will eat some so he says I should have paid

That one sentence should tell you how he thinks of you.

No it doesn't matter if you're a gay man, why would it?

Get your card back and don't give him it again while you wake up to what kind of person he is

Regardless of gender, sexuality, or anything else, using someone's credit card without their consent is never ok.

You could be make, female or anything in between but using someone's card is way out of order without asking. My dh sometimes gives me his card to pay for stuff but there's no way I'd use it without his permission. He sounds like a bit of a cocklodger to me

YANBU. That is theft as you’re not even married so legally things aren’t necessarily split 50/50.

If I want to pay for something using DH’s credit card, I check with him first. Usually, it’s something like the house or car insurance being paid online. I’ve never taken his card out shopping. We’ve got separate bank accounts and I’ve got my own credit card account for my use.

If he doesn’t apologise and accept he made a serious error, I’d be rethinking the relationship as he sounds like a user.

What on earth has sexuality got to do with it?!

He's a cocklodger

Sounds like he's used to taking advantage of you so didnt think you'd say anything.

A cocklodger is a cocklodger op.

He absolutely should have asked. I’d be worried about how easily he spends your money.

Get the card back and change the PIN. Tell him that your card and finances are yours and not for him to make decisions about.

The fact you're a gay man make NO difference to the responses already given on here. You are too nice, he is taking advantage. end of.

Do you want to continue a relationship with someone you have to explain 'theft' to?

Is 'COVID anxiety' the new 'maybe he's depressed?' of Mumsnet?