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Original poster

Using my credit card to buy food

47 replies

pulse1979 · 19/03/2020 02:54

Hello all.

I am hoping for some opinions because I tend to over react sometimes and I am hoping to get others opinions. I have been with my partner for a year and a half. We both have separate places but spend almost all our time at my place. I have more money then him and tend to pay for most things. The other day he went and paid for something with my credit card. I ended up going out of town and he happened to still have my card. He mentioned he was going to go and get some groceries etc and asked if I wanted him to grab anything. I said no. I later noticed that my card was charged. He said he split the groceries with me and used my card for half. I confronted him and said I would want him to ask before he used my card. Explained it was stealing in a way and that he didn't have my permission. He got all upset and we ended in a big fight. For me it is t about the money. He does contribute what he can when he can but I pay for almost everything in or relationship. I am very generous with him and his daughters and was shocked that he would use my credit card without permission. Even though it was to buy groceries while he stays at my house. Good chance I will eat some so he says I should have paid. Again. It is about the principle of not getting permission or at least letting me know. I often give him gifts or loan him money etc but was shocked without permission. Am I overreacting? Thanks. I.

OP posts:
chardonm · 19/03/2020 03:05

No I would be upset too. Not the money but he should have asked.

Mintjulia · 19/03/2020 03:11

No, you definitely aren’t over reacting. Why did he have your card? Take it back. Does he have the PIN number? If so, change it. Or ask for a new card.

The trouble is, if he feels entitled enough to take money without asking, you will now always be checking your purse.And he’s in your house. That would really worry me.

You’ve explained how you feel, he’s had a tantrum, how have you left it?

ArriettyJones · 19/03/2020 03:15

He shouldn’t have, but if he is suffering COVID anxiety about having enough food in, I would maybe give him a pass this once, after some stern words.

Womenwotlunch · 19/03/2020 03:30

I would be upset tbh.
My own husband wouldn’t use my card without my permission

Thepigeonsarecoming · 19/03/2020 03:33

Of course you should be upset, doesn’t he have his own money?

Longdistance · 19/03/2020 03:58

That’s shocking behaviour actually. Before you know it, he’ll be ripping your credit card buying all manner of shit.

You were not unreasonable to bring it up and call it stealing as he didn’t have your permission. I’ve Ben with my dh 14 years and he’d never use my cc without permission nor me his. Your DP could have been testing the waters.

MintySpud · 19/03/2020 04:03

Suffering from COVID anxiety? Give me a fucking break.

What the OP has is a cocklodger.

ArriettyJones · 19/03/2020 04:11

Look around you @MintySpud . Half of MN is panicking.

Or he could just be a piss taker, granted.

Coyoacan · 19/03/2020 04:42

Who does that?

I understand that if you have more money and you got out together it is thoughtful of you to pay more, but he should be earning enough to pay for his own food. Or if you split up with him over this, will he starve to death?

MintySpud · 19/03/2020 04:43

True. All the times he accepted loans and gifts from OP before, he must have been incubating COVID anxiety. Xxxoxoxx

HavenDilemma · 19/03/2020 04:43

That is NOT a healthy relationship dynamic, crikey

AgentJohnson · 19/03/2020 07:31

You’ve been effectively subsidising him and now he expects it, so much so, he used your card without your permission. This is not ok and hopefully it should be a wake up call that you’ve been enabling cocklodger behaviour.

This man clearly sees your money as his and that sense of entitlement is hard to unlearn.

GilbertMarkham · 19/03/2020 07:48

Just a ramp up from you paying for everything when you're together. He's a user/taker.

TheStuffedPenguin · 19/03/2020 07:53

You tend to pay for most things ? Hmm not good .

PlumsGalore · 19/03/2020 07:56

Out of order, he is starting to get casual about you paying for most things and now slowly him spending your money too. Take back your card, change the PIN and tell him in no uncertain terms this is not ok,

tribpot · 19/03/2020 07:56

Why does he have access to your card and your PIN? You've broken the Ts and Cs of the card by sharing the PIN with someone else. Example here under section 10 "Keep your card and security details to yourself".

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/03/2020 08:04

You have yourself a cocklodger who has basically moved into your property and life by stealth.

I can see the attraction for him because you are also subsidising his daughters too. Why are you allowing yourself to be so walked on?. You need to be rid of such a user.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 19/03/2020 08:06

This is financial abuse followed by emotional abuse to keep you compliant. The only thing you can do to save your sanity is end the relationship. It is stealing. Also never ever give your cocklodger access to your money in the future

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/03/2020 08:08

Re your comment:-
"He does contribute what he can when he can but I pay for almost everything in or relationship"

How does that work?. It does not does it.

How many gifts has he received and how much much money have you already loaned this chancer?. Money he will never repay either.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/03/2020 08:13

Does he work? Why does he not have much money?

anotherdisaster · 19/03/2020 08:23

Why are you even paying for everything? Is he unemployed? Unless he doesn't work then there is NO reason why you should pay for almost everything, especially when he has children to support. They are HIS responsibility. As for the card..... don't even start me. He clearly feels entitled and just now expects that you pay for everything so he probably thought nothing of using your card. I reckon he would happily do it again if you hadn't pulled him up. I'm not sure why you're with him.

ErrmWTAF · 19/03/2020 08:34

Not cool at all. What are you going to do about it, OP?

lowlandLucky · 19/03/2020 08:38

Why in the name of god does your boyfriend have your credit card ? Do you not take your private banking details seriously ? I think you are way too complacent

ravenmum · 19/03/2020 08:44

Obviously no-one wants to be told they are stealing, when they credibly believe they are just sharing expenses. But wouldn't need to say anything like that to my bf, as he is a grown adult who wouldn't in a million years come up with the idea of using someone's credit card without asking.

Your friend is old enough to have children, not a gormless teenager. If this was a poor decision, I wouldn't want to be with someone with so little common sense. But considering that he has a history of asking you for money, I'd doubt it was a poor decision at all. Sounds calculated to me.

ErickBroch · 19/03/2020 08:46

I own a house and share my life with my DP and wouldn't use his card without asking beforehand? weird

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