Terrified of husband's reaction if I lose my job

[armsandtoes]

The company I work for has been struggling, but there is a great feeling that Coronavirus will finish it off completely in the coming weeks. People aren't coming, so no money is coming in.

I'm terrified of my husband's reaction if I am unemployed. I know what to expect as I was made redundant a few years ago and I was subjected to him shouting at me for hours when I got home. Saying all sorts of things, like he was only going to buy me the cheapest and most basic food. He said because he was the only one earning money, whatever he says goes and I have no say in anything anymore. I hate being shouted at, it makes me extremely anxious and wound up. Fortunately I found a job very quickly.

I wish this was a wind up but it's not. He is not on a terribly low wage - his take home is over £2100 a month (not sure how much exactly) and our mortgage, bills and food are about £1600ish

I won't have anywhere else to go if I'm jobless with no income either. No friends, and no family who are practical or have space. I have stayed with him mostly for convenience and can't see how I can cope alone financially. Just terrified of losing my job atm.

Oh no :(
You know he's abusive right? You don't have to live like this. Call women's aid and talk to them. They can give you some advice about how to leave.

Leave him, just go. He sounds vile. Go to family and sleep on a couch if needs be.

He sounds horrible, please leave him. If you ask family I'm sure they will help in this situation, or what about woman's aid?

What you need is a divorce and half "his" assets.

You're in an abusive relationship: speak to Women's Aid. Start documenting his behaviour (somewhere he can't find). Make an exit plan with their help, and get a divorce. You can get out.

Do you have any children? I’d go and camp on someone’s floor. Your husband is an abusive, nasty piece of work. But having posted here I think you already know that. It’s okay to leave. It is right to leave. No one deserves being spoken to the way you are and he’s someone who is meant to love you.

He's abusive and unkind, you're supposed to be a team. Please look into your options for divorce

I feel so sorry for you . Honestly , what a disgusting person he is . That is abuse , and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal . I’m sure over the years he has worn down your self esteem and confidence , and he sounds very controlling ( par for the course for abusers )
Please , speak to women’s aid , look at whatever options are available . I know you’ll be thinking of loads of reasons why you can’t leave him ,it’s how he’s conditioned you , to feel like you can’t manage on your own . You can . Please don’t let this be the rest of your life , scared to come home to tell him about something you have no control over . That’s awful , you deserve much better than this

What a nasty piece of work. Do you have children? Call women's aid, they will be able to help you and get your financial affairs sorted - start getting paperwork sorted and speak to a solicitor, his behaviour is abusive.

HE IS ABUSING YOU... financially, psychologically and I expect in other ways

This is not ok. Find yourself somewhere to go. Explain to friends and family. There must be somewhere. Don’t stay with him!

Have you got kids?

You do know this isn't normal behaviour ?

In times like these partners support each other, when there is any sign of one losing a job, they offer each other support, sympathy, a listening ear, some suggestions of what they can do together to get through hard times.

Is there a reason you stay ?

Oh this is very sad. I hope you know this isn't normal or right. Your partner should be the one to support you through times like this. Please call Women's Aid, they can help you.

If anyone treated a dog the way he treats you they would be prosecuted, the dog taken away.

Call your local Womens Aid. They will help and support you.

What he is doing is illegal. Do you have a joint bank account? He is abusive.

Plenty of women have got away safely from a situation like this, you will too

Oh you poor thing, it’s not normal to be terrified of your husband’s reaction. It’s not normal to be shouted at by him either. He is abusing you.

My husband was made redundant a few weeks ago. I didn’t blame him, didn’t get angry at him, gave him a hug and we sat down and planned how we’d deal with it. I’ve been helping him with job applications and generally being supportive. That’s a normal reaction when you find out your spouse is being made redundant. It is obviously stressful and worrying for us both (which has led to a bit of bickering) but we are a team. That’s how a normal partner behaves.

Anyone ‘terrified’ of their husband needs to get a divorce. Please reach out for support and leave him.

No we don't have children

That really is abusive behaviour from your husband. There's no way you should be terrified of his reaction if you lose your job. As other PPs have said, you should contact Women's Aid for support and advice to help you get away from him.

If you are made redundant, please spend the time you are alone in the house to make copies of all financial information. Then divorce him. He is horrible, verbally and financially abusive.

I am disabled and too ill to work. I need twice weekly physio and health supplements etc etc. My dh has never batted an eyelid at my spending on food and my health.

OP, I have a genuine question (not being judgmental, I just want to understand):

Why do you think it is in any way acceptable for anyone to shout at you and treat you so badly? What had happened in your life to allow you to put up with such horrible abuse for even 5 minutes?

I am probably not framing my questions delicately, but I just want to understand your mindset, if you don't mind sharing. If you find my questions intrusive, please just ignore me.

Imagine being stuck at home with him for weeks if we go into lockdown. Take action now OP, good luck

He's a nasty piece of work. You need legal advice to leave. Do you have any savings you could use on a deposit for somewhere for yourself?

It's great you don't have kids. Please look to leave. You do still have a job, and while it might be scary to think of being on your own, you can rebuild (and any assets accrued during the marriage, you have a claim on). Life is too short to be tied to a man like this.

Is there a reason you stay
She told why she stays
have stayed with him mostly for convenience and can't see how I can cope alone financially.
But per MN. he's the abusive one although she is making a convenience of him.

Do you ever shout back.

We are living in extraordinary times and I am sure there are going to be many redundancies to come.

Is your husband a bog roll manufacturer or something that is immune to any problems if we go into lock down he could be redundant in the next few weeks

Absolutely disgusting that he shouts at you for something that is out of your power.

Do you give him a round of applause about him thinking he is such a Big Man for being the only earner in the household.

What happens if he gets made redundant and you have found another job?

Should you start shouting at him and feeding him basic rations.

Are you just a walking pay packet to him?

Phone women’s aid to help you leave and in the meantime when you are made redundant use your time at home wisely to gather evidence of his income, pension savings etc.

You should be entitled to half.

Start afresh.

You might not be initially able to live in a similar house or flat or have as much money as before but you will be happier and from there you can build yourself back up