Where to begin.... PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS.
Me and my wife first got together Ten years ago. At the start of our relationship, I was a sumbag. I cheated, lied, did everything someone shouldn't within a relationship. I did this on and off until, despite the fact we weren't trying for a baby, she had an ectopic and on that day I decided no more! A couple of months later, I asked her to marry me.
We now have two children, 5 and 3, and our relationship has been hard due to the strains that children bring and she has always carried resentment from these early times... But we have shared great times also and I love her deeply.
For the last couple of years we got to the point we would barely touch, we had sex maybe ten times in four years. This was very much led by her pulling away. One year ago, I was away on business, and I slept with someone. This was a one night stand while very very drunk and I regretted it so much. I came home and tried so hard, but despite the fact, she didn't know what had happened, she was just gone. Pulled away when I touched her, snarled at me over nothing. Then three months later was told my wife had HPV, which I believe could only have come from my cheating. So I admitted to my one nightstand.
Sins then we have been going to counselling and trying to fix it as we do have a lot to lose.
Our friendship, despite all of this, is fantastic, and we are still best friends. It's a real relationship we don't have. I have been trying to make it better as I love her deeply. At the start of our relationship, I was a dishonest *, when I had this one night stand, I made a massive, drunken mistake. I have not done anything else between these points. But of course, she still remembers the start and it must be hard for her to see the difference between the 2. She has, however, said she doesn't think the 1-night stand isn't fully my fault and it would have happened to one of us at some point due to the state of our relationship.
Three weeks ago, I felt our relationship was miles better. We were so much closer and thought we had turned a corner. Then she once again pulled away, didn't want to touch etc. Then told me on Friday morning she wanted a trial separation, which developed to wanting a divorce by lunchtime. Now she is once again saying she wants a trial separation, she needs time to know what she wants.
She has also told me she has been having an emotional affair with someone at work for the past two months. This isn't because I haven't been giving her something but that she is withdrawn from me to the point that she cant receive what I am offering.
I also saw she had been googling why woman want to have affairs, so she is thinking about it at the very least.
I believe she has kind of caught herself in this behaviour and called for the trial separation before she did something that was out of her character.
I am more than willing to give her the time she needs....
I can't tell you how deeply I love this person, despite all the bad and not great times. I see her for who she is, I helped her get into this rut with my actions and I feel guilty for it. I want to help her get out of it even if it isn't with me.
At the same time, I have now spent years with someone who hasn't wanted to touch me or barely had any interest in any aspect of me at all. and I deserve more.... I just hope she can see me for who I am without this withdrawal because I know how fantastic she can be. and I believe our relationship could be that also.
I guess what I am asking is.... Has too much happened? Is our relationship just gone or can relationships be salvaged in the midst of all these terrible things?