My DM has always had a problem with hoarding but I never realised how bad it was until I became an adult. She always had wardrobes and suitcases full of clothes that no longer fit her or she’d never wear again. She would constantly buy new clothes, toiletries, accessories etc even though she already had an abundance of them all. She would also ground me as a child/teenager for throwing my own things away. She still is overbearing about me tipping things even though I’m in my own home. Her favourite phrase is ‘it’ll come in’. So infuriating
When she moved in with her new partner to a bigger house it just got worse. It’s a new build Terrace with a large garage, built in wardrobes, loft and cupboard storage space. The garage is completely full of her things, as is the loft, built in wardrobe and all other storage space. She even has a large double wardrobe in the room she made DD’s bedroom. Her partner has small set of drawers to store his clothes. The garage is full of DM’s furniture, my furniture that she refused to get rid of, my things from childhood and various bits she kept (stole) from when DD was a baby.
Her personal hoarding doesn’t affect me anymore as I don’t live around it but she’s been annoying me for years stealing my DD’s things when she has had her over at her house. For example, she has somehow managed to gain 70% of my DD’s baby clothes from 0-12 months and has refused to return them until now that I am pregnant again. DD would only stay over once a week maximum so it’s insane how much she managed to squirrel away. This wasn’t a demand of mine, DM wanted DD overnight so I let her as I’m the only child and DD the only grandchild. She still hasn’t actually given the clothes back. She has apparently packed them up ready but I doubt I’ll ever see them. It got so bad that I’d have to send DD in her worst clothes in order not to lose the nice expensive ones.
It’s been happening again recently and is just getting beyond a joke now. I’ve tried asking politely but it doesn’t work. I don’t want to have to get stern with her just to get my DD’s stuff back. As well as clothes, she’s also stolen a lot of DD’s toys and books so that her house looks like a playgroup and mine is practically empty. DD is 4yo so I spend a lot of money on clothes from H&M, Debenhams etc. that don’t look babyish as I think she’s outgrown all the unicorn and kitten garish clothing you get at other places. Plus it’s just how I want to dress her. DM actually physically stole them from my home when I wasn’t paying attention. When confronted her response was ‘well it’s so she’s got something nice to wear at mine’. She also constantly send’s DD home after her few hours there in awfully tatty, secondhand clothes when I sent her in nice new ones. She stole baby bibs and muslins that my DGM bought me and gifted to me at my home. DM sniped the gift bag when I wasn’t paying attention.
She also constantly goes on about and sends me photos of what she’s bought for the new baby but never actually gives it to me. I haven’t asked for any of it and don’t expect it but it’s going to be going to waste as I will not be letting the same happen with DD2. She will not be having contact with her unless I’m present so she cannot steak things. She bought us a new pram system out of the blue which was very thoughtful of her but she’s only given us the carrycot bit and nothing else. She’s keeping the car seat because ‘she will be getting us from the hospital so we don’t need it’. This hasn’t even been agreed. Also keeping the rest as we ‘can’t possibly have the space’. We will probably never see the rest of the system which I’m okay with as we didn’t ask for it and am still grateful that she bought it in the first place.
I think it must be a psychological issue as it’s obviously not right to be stealing from your own child and grandchildren. Admittedly she doesn’t really have much of a life, although it is a nice one full of luxuries she doesn’t have any friends. Spends all her time at work or at home with family. I don’t remember the last time she went out and had some fun for herself.
How do I fix this without having to forcibly remove my things from her home and putting locks on doors/CCTV in my own home? I’d rather it stay amicable and not get out of hand. She definitely needs help but I’m not sure she would accept it. Her partner is being incredibly irresponsible by enabling her also!