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Original poster

How can I see my brother again?

64 replies

Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 05:46

I grew up in a deeply dysfunctional family that on the surface seemed to "have it all" but didn't because of my father's alcoholism. We all suffered and he died a long time ago. My brother and I fell out over a financial situation a few years ago and he no longer talks to me. He has also cut our elderly, disabled mother out of his life.

I have got in touch with him urging him not to overthink the situation but simply to meet up with us with absolutely no explanations or recriminations but he doesn't respond. It is as though we are dead to him, should I just give up?

OP posts:
itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 14/03/2020 09:49

Did she stay married to your abusive alcoholic father?

Triglesoffy · 14/03/2020 09:49

There seems to be a massive backstory here. We can’t help you unless you give us the facts. Otherwise we will have to surmise and that doesn’t seem to be going down too well.

TorkTorkBam · 14/03/2020 10:06

If you genuinely believe he stole thousands off you and your mother, why did you grovel and apologise to him and why are you so desperate to have him back in your life? Surely good riddance to bad rubbish would be where you are at?

TheFaerieQueene · 14/03/2020 10:13

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the historical situation in your family - he doesn’t want contact. For your own mental health, you would be best walking away. You can’t force him to do anything.

Ellisandra · 14/03/2020 10:14

Your reply to StrawberryLipGloss requires an apology.

I don’t think you’re in a state of mind to take any good advice that will be offered on this thread. Maybe better to restart it when you’re feeling more open.

Original poster
Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 10:19

Your reply to StrawberryLipGloss requires an apology.

I don’t think you’re in a state of mind to take any good advice that will be offered on this thread. Maybe better to restart it when you’re feeling more open.

No it doesn't.

OP posts:
Sushiroller · 14/03/2020 10:26

Why did you buy his flat specifically? Did he ask you to?

Original poster
Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 10:48

Why did you buy his flat specifically? Did he ask you to?
Because I trusted him. Big mistake, huge, if I had gone ahead with my suicide plan I think he would be a bit regretful for 5 mins then moved on.

OP posts:
itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 14/03/2020 10:49

The man sounds better off without you both. Leave him alone.

picklemewalnuts · 14/03/2020 10:50

You all sound better off without each other.

Why do you want contact?

Hoppinggreen · 14/03/2020 10:51

You sound lovely, I have no idea why your brother wouldn’t want contact with you.
Leave him alone, he’s made his position clear

picklemewalnuts · 14/03/2020 10:54

Just to be clear, I don't think people here are siding with your brother over the original incident, just saying that there is no benefit to your reuniting now, so why would he?

Original poster
Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 10:54

To the Irish person commenting, I do leave him alone but I am worried that there will be regrets when people die.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/03/2020 10:56

Well if he regrets it that’s his problem not yours, and he might not in any case

category12 · 14/03/2020 10:59

Whose regrets are you worrying about?

Your mum is the likeliest to die first, yes?

So if you've done your best and taken the high road, it's on him if he regrets his choices.

You can't spare your mum pain in this regard, it's not in your hands.

TorkTorkBam · 14/03/2020 10:59

He can work out for himself if he will regret. You know that. What's the real reason you want him back?

Original poster
Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 10:59

True enough.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/03/2020 11:02

Are you bothering your brother by sending him Private messages too?
Whatever the rights and wrongs here just leave him (and me) alone

Original poster
Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 11:04

The real reason I want him back is to revisit the past when we loved one another.

OP posts:
itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 14/03/2020 11:05

But that's over. Shit has happened and now he may not love either of you.

Has your mother ever apologised to him?

Winterlife · 14/03/2020 11:05

You can’t force him into a relationship with either you or your mother. I suggest you not contact him, and spend more time with your mother yourself.

TorkTorkBam · 14/03/2020 11:08

That's the past. You hate him now, right?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 14/03/2020 11:11

Clearly we can’t know the whole back story, but if he doesn’t want contact, there is no way you can compel him to comply. For your own sake, OP, I think you need to draw a line under this. You cannot control the actions and reactions of other people.

Original poster
Fullofremorse · 14/03/2020 11:16

@Hoppingreen Does it make you feel better to cut people down to size? How do you know if your comment will tip someone over the edge?

OP posts:
Gutterton · 14/03/2020 11:17

I would spend the finite time you have left with your DM in gentle peace, calm, positively. Don’t pollute any of your headspace or waste precious moments worrying about him.

The truth is you are still v angry and bitter about the flat - so your apologies and grovelling is lies and inauthentic.

The world doesn’t implode if you don’t see someone or make peace with someone before they die. These “regrets” you imagine that will cripple him - aren’t real - they aren’t his and they won’t happen.

Let it be.