Husband keeps messaging other woman behind my back.

[Maisy2012]

Hi first time posting. So 3 years ago I had a message of a stranger on Facebook telling me my husband was sending her rude pictures of his u no what on snap chat. She sent me all the messages she asked him if he was single and he said he was seeing someone then said I’ll send u another pic later. He confessed to this as I had proof he promised me he would never do it again. Until a year later when I found out he had been messaging another mum from are children’s school. Her husband found the messages and told me in the play ground i still don’t no what was said all I could see is that he said to her was morning sexy. I kicked him out for a few weeks he promised it would never happen again and said he can’t believe he could be so stupid. I forgive him and told him If anything like this happens again then I would never forgive him. Then last year two weeks before Christmas I recieved another message on Facebook of my neighbours boyfriend telling me my husband had been messaging his girl friend since 2018 and that they had done oral together 🤮 he told me they was arranging to get together why I was away. My husband is denying any of this is true saying that her boyfriend is a freak. But I can not believe this is not true as it has happened in the past. He’s not been living with me for 3 months now since I got these messages. It’s so hard as we have been together 10 years married for 5 and have two young children.
We have been to a marriage councillor and he is still saying that it’s not true he confessed to the other two times saying he was stupid and it was just the excitement of it all but he’s never done anything physical with anyone before.
I suppose I am looking for advice Has anyone ever been in this situation and got over it?

Close the door on this cretin... He shits all over you.... and you know it.. but you also know you deserve better than being the laughing fodder at the school gates...

yes my husband has also said he’s going to kill himself I cry everyday worrying about being on my own money etc or finding him dead the kids not having a dad.

My ex threatened suicide. Pure manipulation and I saw right through it.

He said he wasn’t unhappy either n he doesn’t no why he’s done it just the excitement of it all

That's possibly the most pathetic thing I've ever heard.

If he does this when he's "not unhappy" imagine what he would do if he was!!??

I don't mean to sound unkind as you must be hurting but if you can't see this fucktard is a dead loss I don't know what to tell you.

He sounds like a sleaze ball.

Start to take control and divorce him. Life is way too short to live with this shit all the time. Find someone who respects you

he’s said I can look at his phone anytime I want
All that means is he will cover his tracks and delete anything he doesn’t want you to see . Giving you access to his phone proves absolutely nothing .
He may think he loves you , but he sure doesn’t respect you , or truly care about hurting you with his BS behavior . He will NOT stop., the tears , the suicide threats are his way of manipulating you into staying . Does that sound like love to you ?
Think about this , you have children , do you have a daughter? If so , would you want her to be in this exact same type relationship . If the answer is no , which I am assuming it is , then don’t take him back , not tomorrow, or next month , never !!!
If you do , you will be in the exact same position in 10, 20 years time I guarantee it , like Groundhog Day . Also staying would be unfair on your children .they look to their parents to be role model . He is giving them a really low standard on how a man should treat his family . By hurting you , he’s hurting them . One last thing , I’d def get an STI check , the chances that these 3 have been the only ones he’s been messaging / meeting up with , is practically zero . There will have been loads of times he’s got away with it . Sorry OP , it’s shit , but at least you know the score

Mine showed me his phone too.

Just not the second phone he used for his sexting/dick pics/affair

What an absolute waste of a space of a man. Kick him to the kerb, stop letting him manipulate you. He might howl and scream for a bit but he’ll be shacked up with someone else before the end of the month. Men like that always are.

Thank u all I know I just need to be strong and tell myself to get rid I am in the middle of changing all bills over etc am worrying about money we have a overdraft on joint account does anyone have any advice on what todo with that we can’t afford to pay it all off straight away. Also he has a car on fiancé that I drive and he’s freaten to take Off me even tho I use it for taking our kids out taking them school me getting to work. He’s being so difficult he has now said that if he keeps paying the car off he will only give me £50 a month for two kids cuz he will still have to pay for the car. X

You need to get legal advice regarding his responsibilities in the event of divorce . I don’t know the ins and outs I know one thing though ... he doesn’t get to decide how much he is or isn’t going to give you . That is not his decision .Talk to a solicitor , get legal advice via citizens advice etc He’s just getting the shits because you’re not playing his game . Knowledge is power ,sooner you get rid of this arsehole the better your life will be . Good luck xx

@Maisy2012
You can speak to the bank about the overdraft so it cant be increased in the event he continues to use it.

You need to open a new account and move any income to it.

Have you got a family member that could help you buy a cheap car for now so he doesnt have that hold over you?

In the event of a divorce he would be highly unlikely to be told to pay maintenance and car finance so you need to decide what is more important.

@Maisy2012
What's the situation with your house?
Rented or mortgage?
Who's name on tenancy/deeds?

he will only give me £50 a month for two kids cuz he will still have to pay for the car
The CMS will have something to say about that.
So he can get to fuck.
Don't listen to that bullshit.
Just tell him that you will go via CMS if he makes any more threats like that. He then has to pay extra to over their admin! So that's his choice!
Do you know his earnings?

And it's usually bullshit about killing himself.
That is just more manipulation and abuse so that for what it is.
If he does decide to kill himself then that is all on him.
He is an adult in charge of his choices and decisions.
If he wants to make that decision then that is entirely up to him.

There is no way hell your just going to “get over it” and as much as I feel for you then you are being a doormat from his perspective and sometimes people need told this in order to fix their issues.

Why would he stop doing this when he knows you kick off and then forgive him in time, you give him an inch and he has taken 3 miles.

Your hubby sounds like a sex pest and an utter creep, your self esteem must be so low and this is why you keep taking him back.

I would get it if it had just been the once and he stuck to his word and didn’t do it again but he has messed with your child in a way by trying to have sex with a mum from the school, he sounds like my mums ex hubby who was shagging everyone from the area we lived in, he had zero boundaries about who he would try it on with either.

Please kick his arss to the kerb ASAP and don’t look back, you will be miserable for a while but then you will be happy as hell that this creep isn’t taking the piss out of you any longer.

You and your kids deserve better.

We just rent luckly and both names on the tenency I’ve told him we need to go and take his name off the tenency. And no I don’t have anyone who could buy me a cheap car I wish I did. I will just have to ask him to keep paying the car till I sort out my finances etc x

It’s best to be skint and happy than have a little money and be miserable, believe me I know!

@Maisy2012
You need to claim Universal Credit if you havent already.
You can claim for your rent as well even if the tenancy is in joint names.

I agree that you need to take his name off asap as then he had no rights to come in whenever he wants.

The car issue- I'm assuming he is saying about reducing maintenance because its something else that might persuade you to stay with him because you wont want to lose the car.

I can understand that a person can be unfaithful once :infatuation,insecurity,swept of their feet ,but this is not the case here .He has abused your trust repeatedly and has no regard for his children.My cousin is like this and boasts to his mates about his second phone -this time he’s hiding his affair from his grown up kids and mother -the wife got rid years ago