Waking up in the morning to end this once and for all

[Pissedoff888]

Been with my partner just over two years I fell pregnant with twins and I have my own dc. Things were rushed from the start but I did believe he loved me as much as he said but alas I was wrong. Since the babies were born I have found him messaging an ex he said it was because of the stress we were under. I’ve noticed he tells a lot of lies even over simple things.

The icing on the cake tonight was him making a lewd comment in his work whatsapp chat to a girl who he has slept with. I am done. My exh cheated on me and I’m not prepared to wait about on this one doing the same.

I feel like a shit mum to my eldest already and the two of them adore each other but I am fed up! When I confronted him tonight he just attacked my character called me a physco then said how ugly I was and that my fat flabby belly will put any man off me in future (I have NO interest in another man ever I’m done now)

He then kicked me as I went to take one of the babies as he was drunk and he was holding her uncomfortably. Then when I went to take the baby again he thumped my wrist which is now throbbing. I would love to leave tonight but I have no where to go. Even tomorrow I don’t know where I can go but I am so done. I am by no means a wonderful person but I am respectful and loyal.

I am right leaving Aren’t I? My kids hopefully won’t hate me

You should be calling the police. He assaulted you and he's drunk. A recipe for disaster.

Please consider calling the police (does he work? - when he’s gone tomorrow)?
Have you got friends?
Family?
Please don’t tolerate this.
You have the strength but please be careful

You absoloutely are right to leave, and you have every right to call the police for what he did to you.

I've litterally just come out of a very similar relationship and I was so scared of my little boy growing up without his dad around I failed to see how unhappy him being here made us both until he was gone.

You sound really strong, much respect for that! You can do it and there is plenty of support avaliable to women leaving bad relationships. You're doing what is best for your kids, if he is acting like that around them now God forbid how far he'd go in the future. It is your job to keep your children safe and it doesn't sound like they're safe while he's around.

I hope it all works out for you!x

He is in the police. So I don’t feel to confident involving them to be honest. I am so tired of this life. I’m now convinced I am the issue because he treats me exactly how my ex did. I thought I had pnd but I think it’s just him constantly telling me no one in the family wants me or needs me

I'm sorry OP. You must leave ASAP. And don't blame yourself.

I've been there too in thinking it must be me because others have treated me the same way.
But in reality, it was because I didn't hold high enough standards for myself.

Many people will try to take advantage and mistreat you.. Having low self esteem will cloud your judgement and make it easier to accept this kind of behaviour.

Don't accept it anymore.
And please do go to the police.

It's not your fault.

People who have been in abusive relationships are often vulnerable to being targeted by other abusers.

Get safe, get free. Speak to Women's Aid / domestic abuse services in your area.

Good luck and stay strong. You and your children deserve to live a safe and happy life, not a possibility the longer you stay stuck with this loser

He's in the police?
So he knows better?
And he is in a position where he should be protecting others experiencing domestic violence, but he's an abuser himself?

All the more reason to call the police. He's not fit for purpose- as a partner or as a policeman.

Disgusting behaviour

If he's in the police you can still call them. The police aren't exempt from the law. I am married to a copper and he has dealt with colleagues before.
Women's aid and then report the fucker

Of course you aren't the issue. This man is a foul, violent thug and he really needs to be reported to the police.

It's really not you at all OP. You've just been unlucky. You are definitely doing the right thing.

Believe me that the police are well used to dealing with their own colleagues, you mustn't avoid calling them thinking that they'll cover it up.

Especially as you have nowhere to go, report the assault to police and have him removed. Engage anyone and everyone you can for support. You can do this. You need to do this. His cheating is the least of it but enough on its own to end the relationship. He has assaulted you, he gets uncontrollably drunk around your infant. You need to remove him before he seriously injures one of you, or worse.

Good luck op. You are definitely doing the right thing. Ime police are useless with domestics, but you should call them anyway.

I hope it goes ok.
Report him - they'll treat it seriously. Don't worry about him being in the police.

Well done for finding the strength to leave. If you call your local council housing team and say you are leaving because of domestic violence they will have an obligation to house you somewhere temporary until something more permanent is found. This could be a refuge or a bed and breakfast or even straight into a house. Once you are living somewhere safer you can plan your next steps.

I’m not sure what you mean by he is in the Police, however Police Officers are not immune so that’s no reason to not call them. He might also be an arse and unliked at work.

With four children can you stay and he leave? What is the housing situation?

3 children

Listen to folk telling you to report the assaults. He is already in a position of authority and can make life difficult for you. Get ahead of that by putting him on Police and Social Work radar. Help yourself while you have the upper hand.

One last thing, you are not to blame because 2 men chose to abuse you. You deserve to be loved and respected.

Get tough, fight back and stand up for yourself. Call the Police, Woman's Aid and see a doctor about the sore wrist in case he's hit harder than you thought. Tell you GP the truth too.

Abusers get away with it because they train you to hide what is happening. Dont cover for him, dont hide who he really is.

Woman’s aid and go to a refuse to be safe if no where to go.

Still report him regardless if he’s in the police

Did you do the freedom programme last time if not I’d seriously do it this time.

Why should you leave? Tell him to find somewhere else to go. Is it your house? This is not ok. He’s a vile pig. It’s not you. End this relationship. You’ll feel so much better.

How are you @Pissedoff888? You are certainly not the problem. Your children will be better off away from a man who treats their mother with such disrespect.

I hope you and your children are safe.

Thinking of you today OP, hope you're ok

Regardless of reporting him or not, just focus for now on where you could go and how you will manage, please speak to Womens Aid as many on here have used them and found them very helpful. Your kids won't hate you - you are doing the right thing for them. He will make their home a horrible toxic environment - they will be better off elsewhere, you are doing it partly for them. Good luck.

Hope your okay OP