My 40th today and no card or text

[Iggypoppie]

... from guy I've been seeing on and off for a few months. I need to bin him, don't I?

Feel such an idiot for letting myself give a shit about anyone again after divorce .

I want to tell him how angry and upset I am but also feel what's the point?

No, don't do that. Not only is there no point, you would actually make him so happy and pleased with himself.

If he cared, he would have sent you more than a banal text about forgetting your birthday. This guy is toying with you and trying to gauge how much shit you'll take without giving him his marching orders.

Sod him. A text takes moments and his excuses are ridiculous. He is showing you who he is and it isn’t nice. Have a super weekend celebration!

My head knows that he needs to go. My heart is digging it heels in a bit. Head will win though. I need to muster the self respect to not buckle and give in. He has too many life complications to be a reliable partner. That's sad but it's also not going to help me feel better.

You deserve way more than this and him. I'd go with blocking him. You have actually binned him, I hope?

He just didn't think about you at all did he?
Well just think no more about him now either.
Happy celebrations!

He didn't give you a second thought and then tried to backtrack. Fuck that. Your friends treat you far better, so why accept anything less because he's a man you're seeing? Nope.

It takes a matter of moments to send a text or pick the phone up. Only takes a few minutes to order some flowers

I've texted him to tell him I'm done 👍

He's utterly thoughtless and not worth it. He knew it was your birthday. Probably thought you'd just put up with it. Nah. I'd block him.

Well done, @iggypoppie. Enjoy the rest of your celebrations and your freedom from this self-declared twat.

it's hard op - i'm not sure (though obvs can't guarantee) that it was deliberate - that he sat there and thought "i know it's her 40th, but fucked if i'm going to give her the satisfaction of texting"

more likely he just got distracted and forgot.

which still isn't a good sign, and you're probably right to knock it on the head - particularly if he's got a lot of "baggage"

Well done you. Any birthday is a big deal but a 40th is huge. If he really thought it was Wednesday when he texted you his first words should have been happy birthday. He'd started apologising to set up his lame excuse.

Have a wonderful party on Saturday and be proud of yourself that you have entered your 40s with self respect and open to meeting someone who deserves you.

Glad you've gone with your head.

He was showing you that you were a long way down his priority list.
Don't accept that.

Well done, you!

Well he certainly text enough times when he realised he’d screwed up! He’s just not reliable or that invested. If he’s not making huge efforts while you’re in the first stages of dating then the future looks bleak!

Actually I knew my birthday would be 'make or break' time - that's why i planned things that didn't involve him

That is so smart it made me proud of you and I've never even met you!

Well done. Even his “apology” texts were all about him! Now you can have a fabulous birthday party knowing you have hit your 40s in your stride!

So he had to pick his children up after work? And... ? Where? Mars? Millions of other parents do it every day! Happy birthday!

Urgh. Someone forgot my birthday quite early in the relationship. Made me feel a complete diva for getting upset especially when I saw him remember other people’s birthdays in the same time frame.
Reader, I stayed with him for two years until I let him grind me down to almost nothing.
He showed me very early on what he thought of me.
I’ve just done the same thing again in another relationship. This time I addressed the early red flag but tried again as it was first strike.
Once again, at the two year mark I’ve ended another relationship where I let someone treat me like an afterthought.
look after yourself op. Only accept what you’re willing to put up with longterm

Well done. Even his “apology” texts were all about him!

And so fishing, IYKWIM, 'Oh, I'm such a twat!' hoping you'll say, 'No, dear, not at all.'

I did start to type you've only been seeing each other on and off for a few months and blah......but then thught bollox to him.
Any decent human being even if they were only a friend would send flowers, a card, an early text to say Happy 40th.
If he can't be bothered this early on bin.
I've made too many excuses for too many people over the years.
Decent people don't do this.
Have a great birthday

I agree with his last 4 words

As soon as he realised he could have got straight onto a florists, instead you got a load of excuses. You were right to bin.

Nothing worse than a mean, emotionally stunted man who doesn't celebrate your special days. Happy birthday to you...hope you had a lovely day, and can look forward to a great future. My ex didn't buy me a birthday present...he actually turned up at my house empty handed, and when he saw all the gifts from others then he mumbled that he hadn't bothered as he did not want to remind me that I was 'getting old'...geez romance is dead. Glad I dumped him, and hope you don't regret dumping this man...honestly it is just outrageous to not acknowledge birthdays of dating partners.

Thank you all for your wise words. It's a pattern of behaviour that has been there from the beginning and has left me feeling lousy, I can see that now.