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Original poster

I don't know if i should be angry with my friends or with my DP

51 replies

hellohello123456 · 10/03/2020 13:57

I went out with 2 friends, lets all them A and B, last Friday night and after a good few drinks A told us she and her DH have been having marital problems after finding photos of women downloaded onto his laptop, these weren't pornographic photos but photos of women he knows in real life, including one of her cousin. The women were all in bikinis on holidays or very revealing outfits on nights out etc and the DH says they were downloaded accidentally, she didn't believe him, I wouldn't have either to be fair. They are now working on fixing their relationship. Friend B said an ex had done the same thing in their relationship, downloading photos of women he knows off Facebook onto his phone. I was then asked if it happened to me and I honestly said it hadn't and they rolled their eyes and laughed saying I was cute and innocent for being so naive and trusting etc and that my DP probably has done the same thing to me because all men do it.
Their words really upset me and also having anxiety I've thought about nothing else but our conversation for the entire weekend and last night I gave into temptation and for the first time in my 5 year relationship with my DP I went through his phone and low and behold I found 2 photos of women he does know in real life, a girl he went to school with and a girl he used to work with. Both very beautiful women with killer figures in stunning outfits that show off their curves.
If it wasn't for my 2 friends I would have never gone looking as I fully trust my DP, he is faithful, doesn't hide his phone, we share the same PC and we never sign out of social media etc, does't go out on nights out as he prefers to spend time with me or gaming on his PC. Doesn't message anyone apart from a few friends and family (I know because he doesn't hide his phone when he gets messages/calls not through snooping). He has never given me any reason, ever, not to trust him.
I feel immense guilt for betraying his trust but I'm also really hurt and confused. I don't know whether to confess to my DP that I've invaded his privacy and say what I've found and to ask why he has these photos or to just keep quiet about it, draw a line and move on and maybe find some new friends in the process.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/03/2020 14:04

Well you don't need new friends.
They were right, weren't they?

So you found 2 images. Is that right?
One of each?
Not loads downloaded from various social media sites?
As you have anxiety, I would say this will play on your mind forever more if you don't discuss with your DP.

Maybe sit down and tell him that you have looked after discussions with your friends and tell him what you found.
Then ask him to explain.
Don't forget, when images are opened up in whatsapp, they automatically save to your camera roll.
There could be many reasons why and the only way you will find out is if you ask him.

I assume you didn't find anything else?
I don't think this is really bad to be honest.
Not great either but it's not loads of images.

LouLouLoo · 10/03/2020 14:08

I wouldn’t be angry with your friends, they’ve done nothing wrong and what they said proved accurate.

Tell your DP that you looked because of the conversation and ask him why you did indeed find images.

If you want to know that is.

Delbelleber · 10/03/2020 14:13

Finding pics like that would make me sick

RLEOM · 10/03/2020 14:21

My ex had a whole hidden folder of his friends in bikinis and other provocative outfits that he'd taken from Facebook. Turns out he was a pervy porn addict. Gross.

I LTB.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 10/03/2020 14:26

Do guys do the same as women and discuss people they went school with? I know I've screenshot/saved pictures of people and sent it to a friend saying "look how much x has changed" for example. Talk to him, it's not always worst case scenario

Pandamoore · 10/03/2020 14:31

I was gonna say your friends were being dicks but just like the thing they were half-right dicks lol. I guess in the grand scheme of things 2 pics isn't a big deal. Especially if the rest of the relationship is good. But maybe just keep an eye on things.

BumbleBeee69 · 10/03/2020 14:58

the sneering is what would make me end my friendships with these 'friends' OP.... they weren't happy until they could poke holes in your relationship .. brought on by the of the bitterness in their own lives... All so they can now say 'we told you so' ... well sorry but I'd definitely be finding new friends...

regarding your husband having 2 photos.. I would ask him outright... but I wouldn't be sharing this 'find' with these friends OP..

but that's just me... 🌺

LemonTT · 10/03/2020 15:07

Is the issue that you found 2 pictures on someone’s phone of people he knows / are old friends who happen to look good?

Because then I’m guilty as charged. I might even have one or two of friends in swimwear. Both sexes 😱 and some I don’t know that well but they were in a WhatsApp’s share & the photo ended up on my phone.

wobblywinelover · 10/03/2020 15:08

I wouldn't be too angry at your friends, though sounds like they were a little patronising towards you. Don't share your new information with them as like Bumble said they'll say 'I told you so'.

Regarding the two photos found, I wouldn't be happy either. Is there any chance they could have been saved by mistake via whatsapp? I think whatever you decide to do you definitely need to talk to your DP about it. A difficult situation OP good luck

ravenmum · 10/03/2020 15:13

Your friends were pretty patronising with their tinkly laughter about how naive you were. They could have pointed out that you couldn't be sure without being so patronising.

However, when people with experience of sweaty-handed dh exploits suggest that other men might be doing it too, it is not out of their awful bitterness and hate due to their imperfect lives, it's because they wish they themselves had found out sooner, with tips from their own friends.

ravenmum · 10/03/2020 15:15

What file were the photos in?

AlternativePerspective · 10/03/2020 15:20

you say you don’t snoop, but tbh you must have done quite a bit of snooping to find just two photos of other women.

My phone seems to bloody save everything to my camera roll and I personally never even use it.

But tbh I don’t see two pictures as being a dealbreaker or anything. If they were naked pictures I might think differently but you say these were just two pictures and they happened to be wearing nice outfits?

Given there are only two it seems very obvious that your DP isn’t constantly saving photos of attractive women.

Allinadaystwerk · 10/03/2020 15:23

I have to say I have found random pics off Facebook saved on my phone and I don't even know for sure how they got there! I must have clicked download or something maybe idk? But it wasn't deliberate iykwim. I think there could be an innocent explanation op. Put it into perspective 2 pics of people he knows fully clothed but looking nice. Not saying it's totally innocent but maybe not signs of total dickery

IceColdCat · 10/03/2020 15:26

I’d try to move past this OP. Two pics, in clothes, isn’t a massive deal and your DP sounds lovely apart from this. Your friends don’t sound that bad either - it was just a bit of teasing (even if they’d been wrong).

ticking · 10/03/2020 16:40

lots of photos though save to your phone - whatsapp, that kind of thing....you can hit download by accident

I think lots of bikini shots is indicative

2 shots of people in clothes.... probably accidental.

Greysparkles · 10/03/2020 16:50

Christ, if anyone looked through my phone album they'd think I was a right wierdo. Me and my friends are always sending random pictures to each other. From people we used to go to school with to the wierd fetish stuff that wish recommends on fb advertising 😂

NoMoreDickheads · 10/03/2020 16:53

Your friends did nothing wrong. xx

cosmicbabe · 10/03/2020 17:01

If pictures are sent in a whatsapp please make sure the images are not saved automatically before thinking he has secretly gone looking for these girls and saving an image of them...

Cheeseandwin5 · 10/03/2020 17:19

It would be interesting to know what these ladies were wearing, but even that aside, you have allowed your paranoia to sadly destroy your relationship. Your DH and you had an honest open and trustworthy relationship.
You have now no choice but to ether lie to him or tell him you have been snooping.
Whatsapp messages and photos can be saved automatically to your phone. This means he may not have even seen the photos for them to be on his camera roll and it certainly means he may not have saved them.
Look at how you have described your relationship:
as I fully trust my DP, he is faithful, doesn't hide his phone, we share the same PC and we never sign out of social media etc, does't go out on nights out as he prefers to spend time with me or gaming on his PC. Doesn't message anyone apart from a few friends and family (I know because he doesn't hide his phone when he gets messages/calls not through snooping). He has never given me any reason, ever, not to trust him.
You have allowed comments by two ppl who were obviously upset by their own partners to destroy what you have.

Cheeseandwin5 · 10/03/2020 17:22

For all those saying the DH is guilty or similar.
Go and switch your whatsapp to save photos and dont look through your camera roll for a few months.
The amount of pictures that will be stored will be surprising.

Qwerty543 · 10/03/2020 18:31

Same as pps. I have all sorts of photos saved because of bloody WhatsApp. I periodically go through and delete that folder.

ErickBroch · 10/03/2020 20:15

Need more info here - were they in his general camera roll? Any chance they were sent via whatsapp (maybe blokes goggling over people) and have autosaved? Both mine and partners autosave pics. Doesn't sound like he's trying to hide anything?

Chinks123 · 10/03/2020 20:23

Your friends were a bit patronising, and projecting their own issues into you, but I wouldn’t say you need new ones. They were right to be fair..
I get people saying they might be there accidentally, but more often than not (in my experience anyway) that’s not the case.
I’ve got 15,000 photos on my phone and not once have I found photos of people off social media.
He might have ss their photos to show someone/there may be an innocent explanation if he’s as open with his phone as you say he is.

I’d ask but it used to get me nowhere. All I got was “I don’t know/I’ve no idea/I haven’t looked at her i swear” etc etc Angry
See I’m projecting now Grin

mamato3lads · 10/03/2020 21:21

That would piss me off, a lot. Bollocks to everyone saying the pics could have got on his phone accidentally through WhatsApp....she would have to send them to him surely for them to appear in his camera roll. And why would she do that ?

He's downloaded them because he wanted a picture of them, for whatever reason Hmm

Just ask him and more than likely watch him squirm.

mamato3lads · 10/03/2020 21:24

And no, don't be angry at your friends. People get battle weary, you learn to know the score, they were letting you know what they know. And they were right .