Birthday present for bell-end ex FIL?

[user1467480231]

My son is late teens and autistic. He's been invited to a "special birthday party" in a couple of weeks for his Grandfather (ex in laws are now foul to me). My son has no ability to get a present or think about a card, so should I get something on behalf of him or not?

Possibly something agreeably tacky

Why can’t your son’s father organise or is he not around?

Father is in New Zealand.

Get the plainest card and an amazon voucher.

Some sort of cheesey T shirt he will feel obliged to wear!!

Haha ! Some good ideas. I'd rather not bother but don't want to embarrass my son when he turns up with nothing.

Charity shop jigsaw

A card will suffice.
Is your DS able to make a card for his GF?
Might be a nice personal touch if he can.

A card (and laxatives).

Can his dad not post from New Zealand, I'd keep well out of it, no way would i buy something. Hid dad does it or fil does without.
I'd be tempted not to send ds either.

Just a card

Put together a coronavirus gift hamper - to include 9 pack of Andrex quilted, a bottle of Carex hand gel, two tins of tomatoes, and a 500g bag of penne.....

Be the bigger person. They’re your son’s grandparents and presumably care for him. Don’t use him as a pawn in a game that has nothing to do with him. Get him to make a card (if it’s within his ability) or help you pick something out. Send him with something like a houseplant or chocolates or something which doesn’t require much thought from you but means DS isn’t empty handed. Done.

Does your son have a decent relationship with his grandfather?

If so then yes, I would sort a gift and card from him.

Charity shop jigsaw - make sure there is one piece missing......

You shouldn’t have to do this. Get his father to order something online.

Card Factory cards are inexpensive.
Would you be expected to stay at the party? If so, I'd post the card.

His dad is perfectly capable of ordering something on his sons behalf. Why would you want to organise and buy something for someone who is vile to you.

It’s all well and good being the bigger person and all that but not when you are walked all over and treated badly

What Devlesko wrote. Honestly I would not send your DS either to such an event.

Why should either of you bother with this man at all given how you are treated by him?. If he is too difficult for you to deal with, its the same deal for your son too.

How old is your ds? Can he not make him a card? A4 sheet of paper folded in half. Quick scribble and give him that

Being the bigger person as well does not work on people who are nasty, it just gives them an opportunity to further confirm in their head that you as weak willed. Sometimes you do indeed have better things to do.

We should never do things out of obligation because that creates resentment.

Very interesting comments.
My son has a good relationship with MIL but FIL has been useless.
I'm not even allowed up their drive and have to stand by a hedge when dropping my son off !
My son really wants to go so I'm just going to get a £5 gift and be done with it.
Thanks for all your comments ladies ! XX

If ex in-laws are foul to you, why would you send your autistic son to their birthday party?

Would not even bother with a £5 gift card to be honest. Why should such bad behaviour from your ex FIL be at all rewarded with a visit of gift card?.

MIL sounds like her awful husband's enabler. If she is tolerating you having to stand by a hedge because you are not allowed up their drive I would now consider whether she is worth remaining in contact with. With parents like this, no wonder your ex is presumably similar in nature.

I'm not even allowed up their drive and have to stand by a hedge when dropping my son off
And you agree to that because...?