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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Attacked with knife.

50 replies

Emmaclark701 · 09/03/2020 14:21

I don’t know why I’m posting really, I suppose just for clarification that I haven’t lost my mind and they are totally crackers.

So in January my mum and myself got in to a bit of a disagreement at my mums house - my dad was home and drunk and got involved and took it from a disagreement to an argument he then out the blue tried to punch me and then tried to punch my partner - my partner just ducked and laughed at him and we left abruptly and went home .

We have a 5 year old son and we were home about 5 minutes and started making dinner when our back door flew open and it was my dad with a knife and tried to attack us my partner managed to get a hold of him (while his hand was being slit open) and pushed him out the back door which I shut and locked - we have steps at our back door so my dad fell and split his head open and apparently hurt his face

We phoned the police and an ambulance and while this was going on my mum came down and started shouting abuse at us saying how dare we have pushed him out etc and saying it was all my partners fault - my dad was arrested and is out on bail but due in court at some point.

Since then we haven’t heard from anyone apart from my brother who calls or texts one a week to see if my mum can see my son (he isn’t allowed in the house or any where near my dad so she takes him for a McDonald’s or something and then my brother bring him back) we have seen on fb the rest of the family going on days out etc with him acting like happy family’s.

I also heard a rumour in a taxi that he is saying he got in to a fight with my partner who done the damage to his head etc when my partner never laid a finger on him when most men would have.

I’m so embarrassed about it all so just kept silent trying to act like it didn’t happen but I feel so alone I have no family and feel like I have lost my mind because I don’t understand how they can just act like we have done something wrong and he has done nothing wrong?

I also confronted my brother about the fact he only contacts me about my mum seeing our son and is away on days out with my dad a week after he attacked us - he just said he doesn’t want to be stuck in the middle and then hung up on me but I never hear from him and he’s out with my dad acting like he’s done nothing wrong so I don’t think that being in the middle I would say that’s for my picking a side.

When we were younger a lot of things like this happened as he drank a lot and my mum just sat back and watched it but he hasn’t been like this for a few years.

I am so anxious and feel so alone I have my partner and kids and they are everything to me but I am constantly scared that something will happen to him and I will have literally no one in the world.

My mum has never really had any loyalty to me and would stick up for a stranger before she would ever stick up for me and has some Unjustified issue with my partner(when it suits her, when she wants something from him though she’s the loving mother in law) to be honest she has had an issue with every person in my life who isn’t direct family.

Am I going mad?

OP posts:

Comtesse · 09/03/2020 14:26

No you are not going mad but your family sounds toxic. You poor thing, it sounds Really awful

Sh05 · 09/03/2020 14:37

Sounds pretty toxic.
I'm a little surprised that you are allowing your mum to take your son out if she's treating you the way she is and blaming you and your partner instead of making your dad see that he was in the wrong.

champagneandfromage50 · 09/03/2020 14:40

Sorry but my DS wouldn't be going anywhere with my mother if she behaved like yours. I wouldn't trust that she isn't taking him to see her DH . The whole situation is pretty shocking and perhaps get court out of the way before deciding on next steps

LovingLola · 09/03/2020 14:42

Did your son see all of the aggro?
And why on earth are you letting your mother take him??

SadThing · 09/03/2020 14:42

Stop your mum taking him. You're just allowing her behaviour.

Until she was aware of the toxicness in the family and put an end to her abusive relationship my son wouldn't be seeing her at all

Splitsunrise · 09/03/2020 14:46

Why would you let your mother take your son out?? His safety should be the main concern, and she sounds nutty

mbosnz · 09/03/2020 14:52

I'm with the others. People that treat me and mine like that are not going to be allowed within 100 miles of my son. As much as anything, I'd not be trusting her not to just take him back to hers, complete with your violent alcoholic father.

Make your DP and your son your world. Give you guys the best shot you can of making it - which is without your abusive family.

BumbleBeeFlower · 09/03/2020 14:52

I wouldn't be allowing my child to spend any time with my mum if she behaved the way yours does.
Best thing to do is cut them all off. Let them be toxic to each other and enjoy being free of their agro.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/03/2020 14:54

Why are you allowing your Mum any access to your son?

She sounds as deranged as your Dad.

Sorry this has happened but seriously, stop contact with the lot of them.

Morgan12 · 09/03/2020 14:56

I think you should go no contact with all of them. They aren't good for you or your son.

TemoraryUsername · 09/03/2020 14:59

My blood runs cold reading this. I would NOT consider my son safe in her hands, and she would either have contact that was supervised by me or somebody I trusted very much, or none at all.

I'm ssp sorry that your family have behaved like this. Will you get an order forbidding him from being anywhere near any of you?

QuarterPastMidnight · 09/03/2020 15:07

I'd also be going NC with all of them if this were me.
I'd also move away and not tell them.

I'm so sorry OP

redastherose · 09/03/2020 15:07

Your mum failed to protect you from your Father's behaviour when you were young and he could have killed you or your partner turning up and threatening you with a knife. He made a conscious decision to get a weapon and come after you presumably with the intention of causing real harm to one or the other of you. Just remember those are the facts.

You do not need to let your Son be around people who will act in this way. Frankly, for a lot of us who have dis-functional families being LC or NC is better for your mental health in the long run. Might be worth you popping over to the Stately Homes thread.

forrestgreen · 09/03/2020 15:10

Your mum didn't protect you as a child yet she has your child?
Nope.
You need to draw a line.
And that would mean that you're not part of that family, because they won't take your side.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/03/2020 15:14

Harden your heart, OP. Think this through.

Why are you letting your mum see your son... alone? She let you down when you were a child and still doing so now you are an adult. You don't have to let her have any chance to do that to your son too!

Your brother has done what many people living with an alcoholic do... he is managing it by ignoring it! I would imagine you have done that for a long time too! Many of us do. But you have made a tsand now, forced to by his actions. You could use this to make a clean break and make your life a lot easier.

As others have said, many of us with alcoholics inthe family find life a whole lot easier once we decide to cut contact!

Best of luck.

caffeinefix · 09/03/2020 15:17

Another one saying my son wouldn't be anywhere near my parents if they did that. Why are you allowing them to take him out?

Original poster

Emmaclark701 · 09/03/2020 15:18

We have a restraining order against my dad but that’s only valid until his court case is finished we would then need to appeal for a new one which we will.

We originally did stop my son seeing my mum however as my son was in the house when it happened the police had to send social services out for a visit(they came out and could see how well cared for my son is and said they didn’t need to visit again) I raised the issue about my son not seeing my mum as he had been really upset over it as they were close, they spoke to my son and my mum and said they felt stopping my son seeing her completely could cause more harm than good and after talking to her they didn’t think he would be in any harm with her. My mum has 6 grandchildren and adores them all she is a much better gran than she is a mum and I went with social services advise on letting my son see her however he is not allowed near her home or anywhere near my dad.

I am just trying to do my best and believe me I wish I could move 1000 miles away and I will never speak to them again but this is also a big change for my son as he is now seeing none of his family, his cousins are all together all the time and he is left out now and I went with the advice I was given

OP posts:

LouHotel · 09/03/2020 15:19

They will be spoon feeding your son their version of events. You stop that contact right now!

LouHotel · 09/03/2020 15:21

Sorry that you received that advice but coercive control doesn't just happen in couples, he's 5 and will be easily emotionally lead.

Stop the contact.

Original poster

Emmaclark701 · 09/03/2020 15:23

I wish with all my heart that I could just walk away from it all and stop my son seeing her but I feel backed in to a corner as social services have said it’s ok and she knows this and my son was hysterical when he couldn't I hope you all understand I really really wish they had turned around and said no under no circumstances can he see her but they didn’t and now I feel trapped in to letting her

OP posts:

hardyloveit · 09/03/2020 15:26

I sympathise op. My mum is awful too. I tried stopping contact a few years ago and just kept saying my mum was busy etc and the kids stopped asking. When she did see them it was supervised at a local place as my mum used to poison my oldest with horrible stuff about me.

If YOU don't want your son to have contact then gradually decrease it. He doesn't need to know the real reason and he will slowly accept it. This is your son and your choice!!!

Original poster

Emmaclark701 · 09/03/2020 15:26

We also live 5 minutes away and she picks my niece up at the same school as my son every day and the same clubs etc so it’s impossible to get away fully it’s like taunting my son. me and my partner even discussed moving home but we couldn’t move my son school as he has just settled in and made a good group of friends

OP posts:

hardyloveit · 09/03/2020 15:27

Op. He is 5. If you feel you need to move and move schools he is young enough to make new friends.

caffeinefix · 09/03/2020 15:28

You are bonkers allowing her access to him. Bonkers. You need to protect him from this mess.

Original poster

Emmaclark701 · 09/03/2020 15:30

I just worry about so much change for him at the one time by uprooting his full life, he has stayed in the same home all his life, went to nursery with his best friend and been at school for 2 years with his best friend and seen my family regularly to then all of a sudden him see no family, move him and move school it just doesn’t seem fair for us to have to do that or realistic

OP posts:

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