He's not my usual type

[RuffleCrow]

Not physically anyway. I do feel attracted to his mind from the messages we've sent though.

So obviously, OLD. He's made it clear he's into me physically and we've discussed possibly going on a proper date.

We're a good couple of hours apart. Did any of you have similar and then feel sexual chemistry growing anyway when you met?

I don't want to waste his time but we're too far apart to really just go for a coffee. The date would be a common interest.

I don’t think physical types are that important so may not be the best person to answer. The reason why I don’t is I’ve always felt insecure with good looking men (self esteem issues) and overall I generally think they know it, and that negates from their attractiveness. Also in a relationship you spend far more time talking to someone then sleeping with them, so looks are less important then basic human qualities like kindness, intelligence and humour. However definitely do not date someone who physically repulses you (or causes any adverse reaction). You have to trust your gut reaction.

when I met my OH it was an online date first impressions omg he is so far from my normal type I go for but as the date went on we just clicked and six years later we are still a couple and we have lots of things in common so the saying don't judge a book by its cover applied to us

Thanks @Liveforever86. He does sound kind, intelligent and quite funny. Although I'm not sure if him telling me so soon he wants sex is a red flag. It was in response to something i'd said about some men online just wanting hookups. I'm not obviously repulsed or anything. He looks ok but i'm just not feeling it.

Aw @issey that's lovely

I once tried to go out with my brothers friend he was 20s and I was 17. Anyways I liked him but didnt fancy him physically did not work out

OP would you be happy to have a relationship with a 2 hour journey in between if you do get on?

Also the sex comment, if it was anything more than a fully in-context response to a comment from you, I would be put off by this. I have tolerated too much of it while OLD and reached the conclusion that generally nice guys looking for genuine relationships don't make sexual comments before you meet.

Well i am quite busy and not looking for a trad setup @muckycat but it could get expensive!

Also, is there a point in time when not having replied to a message becomes rude?

He seems really into me and then nothing for hours. Or am i just over-invested already?

I don't always reply straight away myself and he may be one of these weird people who isn't permanently glued to his phone, i guess

Just as an aside. I was in the park with dc today and this couple came in with a toddler. Took me a few minutes to twig that I recognised the dad from Tinder. He'd told me (a month or so ago) he was single with no dcs and had been trying to get me to hook up with him. Luckily I turned him down but that gives you an idea of my 'usual type'.

I'm half thinking of deleting this original guy. First he was keen to meet and now he's stalling. He was messaging me most of the day though. He says he really wants to meet and really fancies me, but he has to see when he's free and get back to me. I get he might be busy with work, friends, family etc, but he doesn't have any kids (I do) and even I can look at the calendar and say "yep I'm free that weekend". I feel like there's something he's not telling me - something important. Help! Also he said in one message that he was separated and in another that he's divorced. Could he just be plain old married and bored?!

I wasn't at all attracted to my fiance when I first met him. He wasn't my type, he was scruffy, looked moody all the time, so wasn't interested. But then I got chatting to him during a project at work and we chatted for the entire day at work and then swapped numbers and kept talking through the night and ever since really. Found out why he used to look moody, because his relationship before me was crap and he was fed up. We started off as just friends, we talked pretty much every day all day, met up a fair few times to go to the cinema etc. Eventually got together and been together 3 years.

Not being attracted at first isn't a sign always that it won't work out.

That original guy is married though.

Do you think? By original guy I meant the one in my op, not the one in the park.

If he lived near you then grabbing a quick coffee to see if you like him in person might have been worth while. Maybe. Probably not though. But hours apart? Nah.

Ok. With OLD, actually with all dating as adults, it really has to be simple. I spent years "dating" men who just messed me around and blew hot and cold. It's soul destroying.
When I met dp he was quite upfront, also no kids, also long distance. When he said he wanted to meet, and I went "yeah sure that's happening" he actually booked a train and turned up! After that he told me he was into me, and I haven't been able to get rid of him since
It took me longer to decide, as he wasnt my usual type (narcissistic twat) but now I fancy the pants off him, years later.
I reiterate though - its gotta be straight forward all the way. Any sniff of hot and cold and you should run the other way.

I’m not attracted to anyone in a picture. I know if they are good looking or not but I have to meet them to know

Thanks all. I'm torn between giving him 24 hours to shit or get off the pot, (but not telling him that's what I'm doing) or just deleting him. It's just too much work for someone whose face i don't even fancy. And like you say, @HepzibahGreen it should be straightfoward.

Yeah. If he cannot tell you when he is free, he's married. Or stupid, take your pick. You're getting a feeling from him that something isn't right. That feeling is usually right. He's likely married. I mean he said separated and then divorced? There's a bit of a difference between the two.

There certainly is. I'm calling his bluff by naming a weekend and can he do it. If he doesn't come back with an alternative he's gone. Shame. He's so convincing.

They usually are. Is he charming as well?

Although I'm not sure if him telling me so soon he wants sex is a red flag.

It really is.

What sort of man do you normally go for? Can you think of someone who has a very happy marriage with a really decent guy? Can you imagine him behaving like that?

Tall, dark, handsome and unavailable @HollowTalk

I would say no, but i've had so many formerly nice married guys hit on me since I've been single that my radar is broken.

1. He's two hours away
2. He's been sexual already
3. Can't make plans for a date
4. He's messaging inconsistently which is making you have concerns whether he's actually single.

I'd unmatch...

Yes, and life is pretty amazing now!

I'm not saying looks aren't important, of course you can't be repulsed by your partner but there's far more important things imho. The best looking guy in the world is no good if you aren't compatible personality wise.

Just a word of warning, it's hard having a relationship 2 hours away, my carbon footprint isn't looking good! And one of you needs to be able and willing to move if the relationship gets serious - I'm currently job hunting where he lives!

You're right @moonsnake. Although quick update he's now saying he does want to meet on x date and that the confusion is down to the divorce not being finalised. He hasn't made any more sexual comments except a 'hint' that he'd like more than friendship. I know the 2 hrs thing is a nightmare but it is somewhere i enjoy visiting. It probably won't work out but if it did he'd need to be the one to up sticks - my dcs are settled here and i can't afford a shed where he lives. But that's just a pipe dream and i'm soooo far from ever wanting to bring a man into their lives!

It sounds a bit complicated for someone you haven't even met yet. I'd ask him to come to you for the first date, not offer to meet him halfway.

Variety is the spice of life! ‘Never had a usual type.

Oh come on, OP. He's a married man who wants sex immediately. Raise your standards and block him.