Dumped again Online Dating What's Your Dumped Message been Like?

[Mermaidwaves]

So Ive just been dumped again by my latest online date. This one didnt get to a second date. The first date went well I thought, loads of chemistry, loads in common. But I could sense his interest waning and I've had a message cancelling our next date. Apparently he has a lot on his mind. Each and every man I've met has ended it by saying this. Can't they think of anything more original? Please tell me some of your more original endings to cheer me up a bit?

This book is amazing:

www.amazon.co.uk/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547/ref=nodl_

Yes I get it was just one date but this has happened with other guys after several dates... so right now after its happened again it does feel like I've been dumped. Dramatic? Yes and maybe it's not technically correct but when it keeps happening you feel crap. My bio is very honest, I don't try and be something I'm not.

@izzywizzygood I agree with you. I think most decent guys don't date online as they are busy focusing on their lives. I find a lot of online dating men had mental health issues, whilst that is sad they should be healing themselves than trying to find someone to use to fix them. You are better off away from these dysfunctionals, they are doing you a favour.

I think a lot of the problem with online dating is that the women far outweigh the men in numbers so the men have much more choice.

I have been on a whole lot of first dates sourced through online dating most of those I have politely declined a second date due to incompatibility .
The problems I have encountered are as follows-:

Two different men have said that they would call me in a couple of days . One texted three weeks later and asked if I was still up for a second date? (Er no).The other texted a month later asking if I was still up for that drink .(er no again).

I have had numerous phone calls with people. One man in particular wanted to know if I was still up for it. As he explained that a lot of women of my age( I am 60) that he had asked definitely weren't and that was of no use to him. He then asked me on a date when I declined he said that he was surprised as men are a premium on dating sites and there are far more women than men. He got the hump with me and said that he could stalk me as he had my phone number. I informed him that he wouldn't as the moment I put the phone down I was going to block him.

Another man that I was due on a second date with cancelled the night before
saying he had a cold and he would contact me in another two weeks as he was sure he would be better by then. I told him not to bother .

Another date I had had used an old photo of himself when he was younger on meeting him I discovered that he had a comb over and was at least ten years older than his photo.

I could go on but it's so depressing .

Another man that I was due on a second date with cancelled the night before saying he had a cold and he would contact me in another two weeks as he was sure he would be better by then. I told him not to bother

@adagiok5

I've just had the most god awful heavy cold and cough. It was miserable and decongestants didn't really help.

I can't imagine wanting to go on a second date coughing and sputtering and a dripping nose that I have to blow frequently...god how attractive.

If a man told me not to bother rearranging a date when I was genuinely ill I would be glad I didn't waste any more of my time on them.

You sound overly intolerant

Many moons ago, when I did online dating, I was chatting to a man who i quite liked the sound of - we chatted over a couple of weeks and had a few things in common. I suggested we meet up and he seemed keen.

24 hours before the date, i had a really agitated and confrontational message from him cancelling and telling me that he didnt understand why "women like me" made contact with men like him 'just for a laugh'; that it was really cruel and he hoped that one day he'd meet a genuine and kind woman who'd be interested in him rather than awful women like me who were clearly only taking the piss. And so it continued.

Bullet. Dodged.

Online dating is just the dregs of society, step away from it. It's the pool of rejects and they're there for a reason

I have to say, I agree with this in the main.

I've always likened it to agency work- I worked through an agency for a few years. I was quite capable of securing a full time job but it suited my lifestyle - I'd previously not wanted to make a full time, permanent commitment to any place of work; I moved around a bit in the past and it's a good way of securing employment in a new area without a lengthy recruitment process; it enabled me to 'try before I buy' in terms of seeing whether somewhere suits me etc and I think some people online date for similar reasons.

However, there are some people who do agency work because they are unemployable in a permanent sense. They have a poor work ethic and like to be able to get out once their attitude starts to show or before they can be held accountable or their lack of commitment to a place is challenged. They like the fact that they can just leave somewhere one day and work somewhere else the next. They like to always be in work but without the accountability or responsibility. And they're just not very good at their job or they have personal qualities that mean others just wouldnt want to work with them for extended periods of time and they know that. A lot of people do online dating for similar reasons.

The latter seem to outweigh the former massively unfortunately.

I think somewhere along the way men learned, or were taught, not to be honest with women.

I think this is very true.

It's because they're taught one of many, equally damaging and reductive discourses about women: that we are sensitive and easily upset and they shouldn't upset us; it's their job to make/keep us happy; we're overly emotional/hysterical and can't handle the truth; that we will turn into 'bunny boilers' if they say something we don't like etc etc etc.

When, actually, I, and most other women, just value honesty and being treated with respect.

I'd far rather be told a truth I'd rather not hear than I lie they think I would prefer.

Although, I agree that after meeting once (not a date if you're online dating), you can't be dumped. They've just chosen not to take it any further.

I think maybe you’re getting a bit too invested too early. It was a first date and you say you got on really well and there was loads of chemistry, but also that you noticed his interest started to wane a little bit. But both those things contradict each other. You can’t have tons of chemistry with someone whose interest is obviously waning. Maybe you’re projecting your expectations into something that isn’t there rather than being realistic?

@Namechangexyz1

Re' the cold comment. I disagree. You can usually tell if someone is cancelling due to being genuinely ill. I did have to do that recently to a date and I went out of my way to make sure he knew it was for real.

I think the worst one I had was a guy in norfolk. We chatted for ages, make a loose arrangement to meet while he was in London which didn't happen. Then the massive fibs began. He had a friend whose father died and had to run off to take care, then a massive work upset. He was a TV producer - I knew what that meant - that lying and fibbing were second nature. Just say it: "I've enjoyed talking to you but I don't think I want to take it further" - sure I would have been miffed for a couple of days, but that's better than being a bit incensed at being "managed' in that way.

And yes - they were excuses. You can smell it a mile off.

I have certain terms for myself about dating:

1. I follow my instincts.
2. No patience. Yep - no patience.

I don't agree people on dating sites are all dregs. That's just not fair.

However the one thing that drives me batty is this:

Man 58 seeks woman 45 - 54. Please tell me mister what those missing 4 years signify?? No - really - what do the mean???

I have pulled quite a few men up on this and I think you all should too.

I met my ex online, we dated for 8 months then he sent me a message saying that he missed being single and no need to reply but all the best

Good times 😂

I was on the dating apps. Does that mean I’m the dregs of society? Because I absolutely am not and I don’t appreciate the insult from a PP.

I work - very hard - from home and have caring responsibilities. At 57 I have no opportunities to meet anyone suitable in real life (I live in the dullest town in the country). OLD was my only avenue available. And I have met plenty of men on OLD who have been in similar situations. If men have been taught all these negative concepts about women (and I don’t disagree with that narrative) then women need to disappraise themselves of what they’ve been taught - that men will always have more power and that women have no choice but to be victims. Pfft.

I am starting to doubt my judgement a lot. I thought there was chemistry because of the way he was acting, things he was saying. I've lots of first dates in the past six months and many of them were nice but nothing special so I was disappointed with this one.

I'm not looking. to have a long term relationship now, it just doesn't fit into my life. Yet if I am up front about this, many men seem to be almost offended by it. So sometimes I break it off by saying things like "I don't think were well matched", or "we're not looking for the same things". Depending on how many dates, I would either say it in person, by phone, or text. I would never ghost anyone, unless I found they made me uncomfortable due to a red flag. I think men do the same thing. You can usually tell what someone is looking for at the first date by what they talk about. It's most probably not what you look like

You're better off having 10 'you're dumped" messages that 1 time waster who keeps you dangling on a thread for weeks or months then ceremonially dumps you when you least expect.

Think of it as a project, it's far better to be bold and pull the plug early than soldier on to the bitter end, investing time effort and money on a busted flush.

Maybe go on each date with the expectation that it could just be a nice friendship. If you go in with the view that he could be The One, you could be giving off messages that the person thinks you're too serious when all they want is a one-off drink and fun and " see how it goes".

Take the pressure off them and you!

Tbh if I was a man I'd run a mile fromthe choice of woman that refers to people as "the dregs of society" or that most of the men have mental health issues . That's a firm no to judgemental arrogant arseholes, because you know you're one of the dregs too by association, you cheeky mare

Anyway, I met my gorgeous perfect DH on Tinder whether neither he nor I were dregs we were two great people who found each other. He's perfectly sound of mind I'm happy to report!

P.s. You cant be dumped after 1 date.

Also where the fuck do these statistics come from that women outnumber men on dating apps?! Have you been looking at the women and counting them up?! By area or radius or what?

i bet there'll soon be loads of excuses along the lines of

Sorry can't meet up, I've been ordered by my GP to self isolate for 14 days because of Corona Virus.

Okaaaaaaay...

A guy cancelled a second date with me because “he forgot he was going skydiving that day”. Most original one I’ve received! 😂

I have long since given up OLD but once after an easy date, (was open to a second date) I was blown off in an original way, have to give him that. Amongst other things we'd discussed LinkedIn and how cringey it was. I was laughing though when I said LinkedIn only reminds me of how inadequate I am professionally. By Wednesday I hadn't heard from him and I knew there'd be no second date. Then, he sent me a linkedIn request. No message or anything, just that. Weird.

I think though, sometimes, even if you were open to a second date (or a 3rd or whatever it would have been) you see what poor communicators people are and once the sting passes you know it was bullet dodged that they didn't like you!

Mine haven't really been that rude or inventive.

Either no message or sorry I don't think there was any chemistry.

@rosabug yes, I'm nearly 50 so if I went online, nobody under 60 would message me. In real life my last two boyfriends have been younger than me, so it's not like I am men's perception of fifty. Whatever that is, and they think that it doesn't apply to them.

I don't think on line is full of the dregs or anything but even the so called decent men in my age range would OVERLOOK me and be aiming for much younger women so are they decent? or are they sexist and entitled? Are all men sexist and entitled online?

I did online dating between 44 and 47 roughly before i could take no more.

I know what's out there.

I'm sorry OP but just keep trying. The problem with OLD is that you often have to date a lot of men before finding The One. I started in 2010 and finally met my now DH 2 years ago. I'm in my 50s bit never had a problem attracting men of my own age, and often men a lot younger, if you keep in shape and look after yourself you aren't necessarily on the shelf at 50.