You've got to be kidding

[mumsville]

Right - posted about a few relationship probs with dh and mil both of whom I find very maniputlative.

Get this. DH announced today that he plans to take ds abroad to see his sick father for 10 days. DS will be about 16 months. I don't think I could cope. I've just returned to work and find it hard enough but to take ds out of the country.

Also fil being ill. In context. fil lives with his girlfriend of mnay years in family house. mil (always the martyr) moved out. Mil very manipuliative. FIL abusive to dh but mil still wants him back. FIL has kidney problem and mil said he's having a biopsy for a liver problem. DH panicking when the bioposy is actually a blood test.

I don't buy this. DH and I don't get on. DS is british dh isn't. MIL very upset as husband has other girlfriend (for last 20 years). SIL is getting a divorce so won't be producing any more grandchildren for a long time if at all. MIL can't travel to uk unaided as she can't even get to her local train station alone let alone the local airport.

Is it normal for a 16 month to travel abroad without mother for 10 days. As dh doesn't earn enough I've got off my fat arse and got a job against my better judgement but I cna't take leave for three months. Why can't he wait for me to go to?

If his dad is that ill, OK for a few days (not happy) but this is a bloody blood test.

I feel this about making mil happy.

What say you?

good luck with speaking to MIL and let us know how it turns out for you. Hope everything gets sorted the way you want it

Gryff.

haven't read all of thread just wanted to saytrust your intincts on this one

No No NO 16 months is far too young

i think it would be ok in normal circumstances but you say you and dh haven't been getting on and it might be a plan so that you lose your ds together. definitely make him wait until you can go to.

just adding support. wtf is the matter with them, pushing it like this? Trust your instincts, do not let him go and be vary wary of the lot of them, they dont seem to have your DS best interests at heart.

I went out quite a lot when dd1 was little (teenaged single mom, tut tut!!) so had various nights and the very occasional weekend where my dd slept at grandparents or godparents house when she was 1-2yo. But never never would i have let her out of the country without me, or anywhere for ten days. its far too long and totally inappropriate.

Yep

Don't think they would't come back but it clearly some sick power thing and if I let it happen once it would give them licence to do it lots and then if marriage takes a turn for the worse it could get nasty.

Nope - he's way too young and the are not thinking about his best interests at all.

Am dying for MIL to call (she seems only to call when I'm not around and then I get this rubbish about taking him abroad from dh - bit of a pattern).

I won't call her as she twists everything to say she's a big victim. Will be bright, breezy but firm.

depending on how artful you are feeling, if MIL usually manipulates sitations, I see nothing wrong with putting a bit of spin on the situation yourself on your call ....

"Oh [MIL] I would miss DS so much, which you must understand being mother to a son too, so I simply cannot let him go without me. A child needs his mother. He is far too young. And I was so looking forward to visiting [country] again and we can all come to see you together, as a family, as soon as I can take leave from my new job."

Hi Mumsville - just checking if MIL called yet and how the conversation went..?

Nah - MIL hasn't called but just had a huge row with dh about an hour ago about this.

First his estranged dad is ill (having a bloody test). Second, twice saying to help me out take ds to his mum's country without me. That didn't work. He makes it clear he doesn't want me to go there.

Then we had a conversation yesterday about me taking one day out of my p/t job and we go to him mums for a long weekend. Difficult as I'm new to the job and I'm struggling, also ds new to his nursery but struggling, plus he said mil would come for Christmas and view was OK - it could be done, but it's a very awkward time to have to ask my new boss PLUS mil would be coming over about 6 weeks later - can't she just wait?

Then today - the long weekend turns into a week so I state what I'm thinking - then huge row. Then he says he want's to see a dentist in his own country = yep, then go! MIL won't come here as she's scared of me following her trip here after ds born (for the record - loads of MN threads on this - she was a b''tch from hell - ds stopped sleeping and my breast milk dried up in three days from her 24/7 harrasment). I'm pissed off that she's playing the victim. So it means she can't/wont' travel so all my megre leave will be taken up taking ds to her country every three months? You're kidding. What about me taking time off to stay with my family. Not on.

After huge row he thinks my idea of him going alone to his mum - see his dentist and BRING HER BACK HERE. OK - compromise - (she's clearly not that scared of me!) UNTIL CHRISTMAS - no - not until Christmas mate - we live in a tiny flat - she doesn't speak English - very scared - can't use a telephone - the works!

Still want to speak to her to say nicely that we've got so much responsibilty here we can't run to her at the drop of a hat - she needs to take a bit responsibility for herself.

DH to call her tonight and see what she says. No way will we always go to her - the expense, the time - I have family who live one hour away and I see them less than mil because of working etc.

Sad - clear dh has very little respect for me. But this is more an idea than his previous ones and I do want mil to have good relationship with ds - even if I think she's a manipulative cow!

Sounds like a mare Mumsville - what did MIL say when your dh called?
It all sounds like no-one is taking your feelings or ds's into account here
Do you usually have a good relationship with dh? V hard to tell from posts I know but something just doesn't feel right here...