Haven't the strength for this

[Fuckmyliferightnow]

Tomorrow I am seeing a solicitor for advice re splitting with DP, I'm paying £180 to find out about PR, benefits, my rights as a parent, his rights and our joint home. It covers quite a lot.

Please help me to think of more questions I will need to ask, I need as much i fo as possible because my lying, gaslighting, manipulative, porn addicted bully of a partner will make my life a living hell and will crank up the guilt trips regarding our DC. He knows how to play my guilty side, so I need ammo and strength.
Please help me, I care too much and I'm scared to make the move.

He thinks I'm not serious about leaving and thinks I'm too weak.
When I do leave his reaction will be huge. I'm shitting myself.

Really? Was that a good thing?

I know I need to leave but he argues and comes back with things that totally disempower me, he's solid in what he says and I'm emotional, so I need to know exactly what my rights and entitlements are so next time I tell him I'm leaving I can be informed of the facts, so he can't manipulate me.

That sounds very stressful, how long did the whole process take?

Thanks, that helps.
We are not married, it's a case of finding a new place for me and Dc.

All I want to say is very much luck with your appointment and I hope it gives you the reassurance and help you want and need. He sounds very abusive so you definitely need to leave him ASAP. My first husband was very abusive and when I left him he was angry at first, then blamed himself then it was angry bitterness. He even told my brother that he would make sure then I never had any peace of mind. But I got away from him because I knew I had to. You are doing the right thing for you and your children.

Thank you for your reassurance.

@shitwithsugaron how old was your DD, mine DC is 9 and all about Dad, but is scared of being told off by him so I'm not sure which way it will go so scary.

If you go to the appointment with as much financial information as possible then that really helps.
What is his salary
What's yours
Monthly spend (mortgage, groceries, etc)
How much you have in savings, pensions, etc.
Have a look at Form E on the gov.uk website and try to fill it in as much as possible.
And good luck. You can do this.
My first appointment I asked could I keep the house and about access.
But that stuff sorted itself out and what I really needed to know was the details.

I think it makes a big difference if you are not married. It's really only the contact for your DD and if you have a mortgaged house in joint names. Child maintenance can be calculated using online calculator. The emotional side of leaving a bully is the hardest bit. Stay strong

As others have said it’s really about the house and child arrangements as you are not married
Do you own the house as joint tenants or tenants in common. If joint then half is yours.
What access and living arrangements for your child to you propose and will your ex agree ?

Hope today has gone ok

Thank you everyone for replying, great help.

I went and she confirmed a lot of what I know already but have been reassured he can't stop me leaving with Dc, he will fight for more contact I'm sure of it, but he works long hours so I don't know how he will be able to practically, he'll probably get his mum to do the parenting if he does get more contact. Not sure it's in DCs best interest though.

I'm having to find a childminder and my friend is helping with a loan.

All I need to do is plan, view rentals then break the news. Then the shit will hit the fan!!!!

In my experience I built up my bully ex to be way more powerful than he actually was. He insisted on seeing DS x2 overnight stays pw but has not kept to that at all as he is too busy. Ds has stayed over 3 nights in total for the whole year! He does see him often but will not stick to a schedule.
My advice is work on yourself to build up good solid boundaries and find your own power. This hells with decision malkng and finding the courage to follow tbrough. For me it is still a work in progress and is taking more time than I'd like it to. But I was well and truly screwed up my ex

I know what you mean about building them up to be more, but that says more about how much they have abused us I think.

The last time I tried to end it the back door got broken. So he gave me a little taste of what will happen if I dare do it again.

Anyway I've been busted, he found my FP page on my phone so he knows I'm looking into it all.
He'll be nice as pie now!

are you okay ? when you say busted.. are you safe ? 🌺

Hope you are ok

Hi yes I'm okay, he questioned it, I made excuses. He said I wouldn't want you to think you're in a violent or abusive relationship, which means he'll be super nice now.

He saw it on my phone after DC hung up from a phone call, it auto went back to the FP screen.

take care OP..