I know I’m naive - can someone explain the benefits of marriage to me?

[mycatsmellsbad]

Inspired by a thread earlier which has got me thinking - I’ve been with dp 6 years, not married, 2 children together. We both work full time although I am higher earner. Both our names on the mortgage.

Technically we are engaged but never discussed the actual getting married part as I’m not that keen (I’ve been married before so bad experience) although he would do it tomorrow if it was easy to organise!

Are there any benefits to us actually getting married? We both have life insurance with our employers which is signed over to each other should anything happen.

I know I’m being naive so would be grateful if anyone could let me know what I’m missing. We are really happy as we are and, as I said earlier, I’m reluctant to rock the boat with another marriage unless the pros outweighs the cons.

Not so much if you're the bigger earner.

If dp dies his wealth will go to His children, unless I guess he has made a will to say otherwise?

Do you have children? Have you both made wills? Are you joint tenants or tenants in common for your house purchase?

Pension survivor benefits?
Automatic entitlement to inheritance?
Ability to make next of kin decisions?
Entitlement to spousal support if you were to split up?

A lot of the time on here the advice about getting married being important is given when the poster doesn't work or works part-time because they are at home with children. It looks like you have had 2 children and gone back to work full-time so you're not "vulnerable" as long as you both have wills.

You work FT and are the higher earner.

So much easily accessible info online on this.

Engagement is meaningless without a date to marry.

Do you have power of attorney for each other in the event of serious illness or accidents happening?

A useful set of legal defaults if one of you dies, is incapacitated, or if you decide to split.

Worth investigating marriage allowance op. I think it's only £250 a year but this obviously adds up over the years.

No tax to pay on anything passing between married or civil partnership couples.

You can share each other's capital gains tax allowance by gifting each other capital assists.

Other than that, it tends to even out the power of the higher earner over the lower earner: if you are the higher earner, it reduces your relative power.

If you are married, then you can leave an unlimited amount to your spouse without any inheritance tax. This is only really applicable if your total estate is more than £325,000, as anyone can leave that amount without inheritance tax.

If one partner gives up work, or reduces their earning potential, then being married gives them some protection, as they could potentially claim part of their spouse's pension and other assets on divorce.

These are the main benefits of being married from a financial POV. I think many of us appreciate the security and commitment that being married gives, in less material but no less important ways. However having a joint mortgage and children certainly goes someway towards a similar commitment.

I think marriage is a useful legal position where one person in the relationship stops work to care for children.

The other useful legal position is automatically becoming the next of kin of spouse

The latter only really applies to your situation so if you can mitigate that some other way perhaps you don't need the legal protection of a marriage or civil partnership.

That's only relevant if one spouse is below the personal tax allowance which sounds unlikely in this case

Oops sorry, that was in response to the comment about the married tax allowance

The automatic next of kin status should anything terrible happen. I know my very religious in-laws would want a religious funeral if anything happened to DH but that's not his choice. As his wife I would get the final say, but if we weren't married it would be their call. Likewise on life support decisions or organ donation.

There are tax benefits but this is only really relevant if you have lots of wealth. The costs of divorce can outweigh these so no problem staying as you are.

In your situation IHT allowance, and separate to life insurance, if either of your employer pension schemes have a spousal benefit, then that might not apply if you're not married and could potentially be worth a lot.

Do you want to be his next of kin in the case of an accident or would you be ok with that being his parents?

Next of kin isn't legally defined for hospital care. www.royalfree.nhs.uk/patients-visitors/advice-and-support/next-of-kin/

Intestacy is different obviously.

This is a pretty comprehensive answer to your question: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

We don’t have lots of wealth so I’m not worried about inheritance tax but I’ve just checked and we aren’t eligible to receive married tax allowance.

We don’t have wills yet - started discussing it a few months ago but life got in the way. I think it’s probably sensible we get those sorted.

He only has a mother (who has early dementia) and a sister so in the case of next of kin needed I would like to think I would have a say but I guess you never can tell.

I don't understand how you can get engaged but not plan to marry >>misses point

You might find there is more pension for a widow than for a partner. It might be that a spouse is entitled to a monthly payout until their death but to an unmarried partner there would only be access to the lump sum that has been put into the pot. It can be quicker and easier to access bank accounts etc if married rather than having to wait for probate. And of course the bereavement payment that the children of unmarried couples don't get that sparked the thread that sparked your thread.

First and foremost if you marry yoy have made the biggest emotional and legally protective comittment you can make to each other. If with marriage you should have wills. I am staggered you have committed to children without thinking these things through. Everything is so much more straightforward if you marry, you are legally ptrotecting each other. I had a friend lived with her partner 17 years, he had an accident and died and his children from a previous marriage got the house and tipped her out

It can provide more legal and financial security long term otherwise you need to seek advice on your wills, power of attorney. Also are absolutely certain that you will remain with your current employers you cannot rely 100% on always having death in service benefits through work. If not consider getting your own life cover.