Is my partner’s fantasy just in his head??

[Allyxx]

Hi all,

I have been with my partner for 10 years and we have a good sex life (I think) we go through slow patches like everyone else but we do a lot to keep things adventurous and new too. Recently on holiday abroad we went to a sex shop and were told it had a cinema downstairs, it was quite expensive so we didn’t go in. A few weeks after the holiday I was discussing with him that I would like him to have some fantasy or sexual idea to bring to the bedroom instead of it being me who buys outfits, toys, instigates new ideas etc. He then spoke about how he imagined we had went to that cinema and I had sucked him off, other guys were watching and eventually joined it. It continued further and eventually it was 6 or 7 guys involved and they were all having sex etc with me, my partner wasn’t involved with anyone but me. Now I’m overthinking it perhaps but I’m wondering if that was a daft fantasy to discuss in bed or if it’s something he genuinely wants because I know I don’t want that. I know the simplest way is to speak to him about it but it has taken years for me to encourage him to speak up and share sexual ideas so I don’t want him to feel like this is what he was afraid of, that I would assume the worst and ruin his fantasy by becoming offended or serious about it all. I just wish I knew if it was something he wanted in real life or not. Thanks x

I’d guess that’s just a fantasy.

Does it matter whether his gangbang fantasy is his real desire? Surely you're not going to do that, are you?

You've encouraged him to open up. That's hard to do, to share what normally stays in your head. My DH shared a similar fantasy with me...but we agreed it would be very different in cold hard reality and we keep it a sexy fantasy we talk about when having sex etc. Its fun and harmless that way. He knows the real life vision of me being snagged by a load of strange men would actually make him want to kill rather than cum! Its just sexy talk

Dont shame him or he will.never open up again. Just be gently clear this is fantasy only. X

I think you’re over thinking. It’s a fantasy. I’d say to leave it. That’s not going to become reality anyway so unless he talks about making it a reality I’d just enjoy the sexual thrill from it and enjoy what you’ve got

Pretty common fantasy I’d say. I sometimes fantasise about watching my DH shag someone else but would hate it IRL. Don’t ask if you don’t think you will like the response!

It was a fantasy Op, and a common one. I actually partake in this kind of thing in a swinging scene. My partner has this exact fantasy, seeing lots of men wanting me. But it's a dangerous road to go down if you aren't ok with it yourself. I wouldn't worry about it as he sounds like he is just being open about it (as a fantasy only)

Its his fantasy, that doesn't mean it has to become reality or that he even wants it to be.
The important is that you are both sharing, he /you may have further thoughts that you both do what to do and hopefully will actually be a lot of fun.

Just a fantasy. I have all kinds of fantasies that there is no way I would actually want or like in real life.

Just a fantasy. He'd probably be upset if it happened in real life!

Clearly just a fantasy! In fact one that my DP describes in detail to me whenever we're in bed as it gets me off every time. He'd be even more horrified than me if it ever actually happened, but I do wonder if some people get themselves into these situations because they mistake dirty talk for an actual request

We joke about 'those other two people' who are the filthy ones that talk about this stuff and we agree that what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. We're both mortified if the other one brings it up in the light of day

It’s most likely just a fantasy, probably a fairly common one as well.

I have one my partner would be up for, as would the other person I would like it to feature. But it’s not something we would actually go through with, which isn’t an issue or a disappointment. Fantasy’s are usually best remaining that way.

Just be careful the next time he suggests a movie night

It's just a fantasy which, in the cold light of day, he'd never dream of acting on. Hell, forget cold light of day. Even at night in the bedroom, he'd probably curl up and die if a band of blokes turned up to fulfill their starring roles in Cinema Gangbang Wit Yo Girl.
So please, don't feel obliged to turn this into some milestone birthday present for him.

@ throughthegate

HAHAHA

It’s a fantasy. I think lots of people have them about things they absolutely wouldn’t (want to) do in real life. Recently I read an article about common sexual fantasies in women and it said that many women have sexual fantasies about sexual coercion. But ofcourse nobody wants something like that to happen in real life.

If it keeps bothering you, I would have an honest, non - judgemental talk with him outside of bed and give him a chance to explain.

TheVanguardSix

Even at night in the bedroom, he'd probably curl up and die if a band of blokes turned up to fulfill their starring roles in Cinema Gangbang Wit Yo Girl

That actually made me burst out laughing, and I'm at my desk during my lunch hour :)

I will say, I've gone to those, and the strangers there are very ugly. You'd be unlikely to enjoy it.

@MandyJane1 I've been to swingers clubs but honestly the adult cinemas are far nastier- IDK if you've been to those, but it's mainly fugly guys meeting for stuff off other men just because they can guarantee getting it. They're not really gay, so if a woman goes in they get really carried away.

In a thread I made, women thought it wrong that I was ok with group sex unless it was with really ugly people (and honestly these guys aren't just normal level of attractive/unattractive, they're really nasty) but of course I'm gonna prefer sex that isn't with ugly dirty old men.

When I went with my perverted ex (who was already a regular there by himself with the men) things then turned really nasty when I decided I wasn't into it. Us going there obviously one of his several favourite things, for which he would nag, and nag, and nag.www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800172-Is-it-ok-for-a-lover-to-ask-repeatedly-for-sex-acts-he-knows-you-dont-want

It's actually a good thing if your lover doesn't ask for weird things he wants too much.