My boyfriend is a couch potato and it’s making me miserable

[lilcreed]

I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. In the summer, we bought a house. Everything was going well.

However, routine has set in. I do most of the housework even though I work full time too as a teacher. He works Sunday’s and I don’t. But I spend the whole day cleaning from top to bottom. The only thing he does (sometimes) is take out the bins. But most of the time I end up doing it as it becomes full.

We spend a lot of time apart watching TV. Our sexy life isn’t great (sometimes not even once a week). He is overweight and I keep on eating as I’m so bored. He never seems to want to do anything on his day off or when he gets in from work other than sit in front of the TV.

Tonight I did a big load of washing. It was quite heavy for me to lift up the stairs when wet. I asked him for some help and from the couch I hear ‘give me 5 minutes’. So I struggled on my own to take it upstairs. I had enough and only hung my washing and left his for him to do in the basket. He had a go at me and said I was selfish. I told him that having a home is about teamwork. Especially when we both work.

I’ve just had enough ! I Feel like his mother rather than a partner. How are the chores shared in your household?

23 is so young to be putting up with this shit. In what ways does he make you happy/content/laugh?

The chores should be shared equally if you both work full time. Everyone works differently but I think its pretty clear that he is not pulling his weight. Have you tried talking to him about it? I would just start allocating tasks for him or tell him its 'his turn' when something needs doing. Sadly though, its doubtful he will change.

Get out now while you got a chance. You’ve no kids I presume. You’re only 23. Honestly I wouldn’t look back.

There is no way this situation gets better. Take the advice of previous posters and start making an exit plan.

Get your ducks in a row and LTB.

It won’t get better. You can’t make him change. Housework should be shared.

You’re too young to put up with this bollocks

He’s showing his true colours now you’re tied by property. Was he like this before?

I do admit that I am OCD with cleaning and like everything in order. But I think he plays on this knowing that I will do everything.

Oh you need to get out, OP. Nobody changes if they're like that. The only time they're different is for a few months with someone new, and then they relapse into complete idleness.

I know it's tough as you've just bought a house but it can be done.

Yes he was like this before - only child whose mother smothered him ! Should have seen the red flags.

Definitely time to leave. At 23 you've got your whole life ahead of you, it doesn't have to be like this!

Stop doing his chores and start looking for somewhere else to live.

Does he work six days a week to your five though?

He said you're selfish with a straight face?? Does he really not get that he's the selfish one here?

Yes- he does work 6 days and I work 5. I do understand that but there’s just hardly any romance and I just feel like a housewife.

This will never improve, ever; in fact, it will get worse. Do not try to talk yourself into this relationship, or start taking ownership of the lazy manchild with 'chats' and words and allocating tasks and training and lists, or fall for the sunken costs fallacy. You are 23. This is how he is and will always be. There is no point in flogging this dead horse. Start making an exit plan and get shot of him. He will always feel this is your fault because he's a sexist, lazy manchild who believes lifework is women's work.

Whatever you do, make sure you are using bulletproof contraception because people like this are shit parents.

Time to tell him it's over as the relationship has run its course and discuss what to do about the house.

And stop doing a thing for him.

Leave. You’re too young to be tied to someone like this. You’ve clearly got drive as you are a teacher & don’t need to settle down with him just because you started dating him when you were 17. Good luck!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3656389-Boyfriends-Dad-possibly-a-sex-offender-and-it-is-ruining-our-relationship-Please-help
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Does he really not get that he's the selfish one here?

Of course not! He never will. Lifework is women's work.

Yes, those are huge red flags. Always run from Mama's Boys. They get by in life by finding women fool enough to think they can be changed in between going back to Mummy's when the women get sick of it and throw them out.

Why are you putting up with this shit?
Don't say you're 'ocd with cleaning' because firstly you aren't, and secondly it makes it seem that you expecting a clean house is in some way extreme and therefore your responsibility.

You're 23. This is no life. You've outgrown him haven't you.

You are allowing yourself to be a 23 year old housekeeper for someone who calls you selfish for not hanging up his wet washing after he left you to drag it up the stairs. Why?
What will your life be like if you have children with this oaf?

You don't listen to the advice so what's the point.

Trust me, he won't change - I've been in your situation with an ex partner who did precisely nothing and would tell me that I was a bully if I asked him to take his mug or food wrappers to the kitchen! They don't change so you have to get out now !

@lilcreed
Life at 23 shouldn’t be like this....get out and enjoy it
Is this what you want for the next 40 plus years with him?
Re-value what you want and start over, you’ve got the best years of your youth to come
Don’t waste them x