My boyfriend is a couch potato and it’s making me miserable

[lilcreed]

I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. In the summer, we bought a house. Everything was going well.

However, routine has set in. I do most of the housework even though I work full time too as a teacher. He works Sunday’s and I don’t. But I spend the whole day cleaning from top to bottom. The only thing he does (sometimes) is take out the bins. But most of the time I end up doing it as it becomes full.

We spend a lot of time apart watching TV. Our sexy life isn’t great (sometimes not even once a week). He is overweight and I keep on eating as I’m so bored. He never seems to want to do anything on his day off or when he gets in from work other than sit in front of the TV.

Tonight I did a big load of washing. It was quite heavy for me to lift up the stairs when wet. I asked him for some help and from the couch I hear ‘give me 5 minutes’. So I struggled on my own to take it upstairs. I had enough and only hung my washing and left his for him to do in the basket. He had a go at me and said I was selfish. I told him that having a home is about teamwork. Especially when we both work.

I’ve just had enough ! I Feel like his mother rather than a partner. How are the chores shared in your household?

He's a total dickhead with a fucked up family but hey, something works for you here as you're still with him. Why ask for advice? You don't take it.

He isn't going to change, you'll waste the next x amount of years of your life still doing the same shit and then look back and wonder where the time went, ending up overweight, depressed and so used to picking up after him even if you do leave him youll probably end up finding someone just like him as it will be your comfort zone.

Sorry to be blunt but seen this happen too many times.

Sorry but at 23, you should be having the time of your life, not shackled to a fat lazy bastard. Get rid of him and enjoy your life and don't look back. 💐

You're OCD with cleaning

Please don't use OCD like that, op, if you just mean you like your house to be clean.

How are you spending all day cleaning? That’s ridiculous

What was your almighty hurry to settle down?

Anyway, stop spending your Sundays cleaning, and go out yourself.

Invest in your friendships.
Invest in hobbies and your own interests.
Make yourself a rich and fulfilling life.
Make plans for your own future and things you want to do - travel? Marathons? Charity work?

Don't let whatever relationship you're in/whatever man you're seeing be what your life revolves around.

23!! Honestly break up with him, I know it's a hassle with the house but don't waste any more time, this relationship has run it's course.

Never ever have kids with this manchild.

Sod that. Imagine children in the mix. Turf him out.

Don’t be like me and end up with kids and husband whose sole contribution is occasionally hanging the washing out and putting the bins out. You’re only 23! You can do better.

Although he works more days than you do you actually have more leisure time than him after you take into account marking that you do at home, times you leave and return home, lunch breaks etc?? Very curious on that.

You don't sound well matched, he wants a mother and you want someone to go out and have fun with and have sex with!

Please don't waste your life like this.

He may work an extra day but you spend a day cleaning so you get the same amount of time off. Working 6 days to your 5 does not excuse his lack of effort.

Firstly, your not OCD - you like things clean. You don't need to label that if you don't suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Secondly, why are you spending the entire day cleaning? I have a DD and a SD and we don't spend days cleaning.
DP and I split the chores in that when one of us sees something that needs doing, we do it.
The house is maintained that way and life is easier.

If you don't stop doing everything for your boyfriend he won't chip in. He has no reason to, why would he? He has a skivvy in his eyes.

You're 23, you're way too young to settle in to a life of this.
Add children to the mix and it would be an utter disaster.
Spend time on yourself, with friends, doing hobbies - find a life that doesn't include him. If he wants to waste his life sat on the sofa stuffing his face then leave him to it, you don't have to join in.

This is not going to work and by the way, you should have told school about his dad.

He sounds dreary. You're far too young to settle for a lazy lard arse. You've no ties, get out now - if you miss having a lazy, prematurely middle aged slob dragging you down, you'll find they're easy enough to come by!

You will have a life of misery and raise children in a dysfunctional and unhappy home. If something does eventually push you to break up, he is a lazy manchild and will move home to his parents. Your children will have their access to their father at the home of a man who was investigated for child abuse images.

This is a ridiculous path to take.

Buy him out and get a lodger.

You say you are 23, but sound like you are both 83. Tell your boyfriend to help out more, stop doing all the housework yourself, include more fun in your life and unsubscribe from Netflix so you're forced to do other things in the evening than sit in front of a TV screen. You're far too young to be this old. In fact my grandparents are in their 80s and seem to have more fun in life than you and your boyfriend are. You both sound like you need to loosen up and become more active.

Don’t listen to people who say he can’t or won’t change. Men are just as capable of change as women.

You need to have a serious talk with him that he is being selfish. If you work 5 days and he works 6 then you should do 6/11 of the housework. Ask him how he would like to organise this, set jobs, set days, leaving each other lists etc?

If he won’t engage, or he won’t stick to it, then you have choices to make.

With regard to the couch potatoism leave him to it, ask him if he wants to do x and if he doesn’t go and do it yourself. I really believe that the healthiest relationships are ones where both people are independent and happy within themselves.

I wouldn't bother everyone. This OP continuously posts and never ever takes anything on board so you are wasting your time.

How you are a teacher OP I don't know.

Yep ^^

OP, I know you're going to waste your 20s on this person because for some reason you're desperate to settle down but if you won't take advice then take this one.. don't get pregnant to this man. There will come a time you will turf him out and send him back to his mother. Don't produce kids you will share.

Seriously OP, with all the problems you have with this man ( looking at your other posts) I genuinely don't know why you are still with him? There is no point asking for advice if you have no intention of taking it.