My partner has beaten me up today and held knife to my throat and I feel sorry fro him

[DoubleLife]

He was arrested and is in prison now.
I've got black eye, half of my face is swallen and he left marks on my neck after trying to strangle me. I really thought he was going to kill me.

We have 14 weeks old dd and I know I have to leave him tonight. I am just waiting for my brother to come and collect our things.

but why I don't feel angry with him? Why do I feel sorry for him?
I'm crying over the life we could have together, our plans and dreams. I'm grieving the life that won't happen now. I'm feeling sorry for my dd who will grow up without a father.

I don't want advice really. I know what I have to do.

jesus, sorry haven't read through the whole thing and am most likely just reiterating advice given already but leave him.for your sake and your kds sake.

More support here;

You will not be happy tommorow or the next day, but by leaving you have given yourself the chance to be happy again

God speed

agree with everything already said - you must get away freom him for your sake and that of your baby. Next time could be even worse so don't let there be a next time. Good luck.

I'm a mum of a 13wk dd and have worked with the Greater London Domestic Violence Project. Domestic violence often escalates during pregnancy. Once a child is born a violent partner can feel jealous - and the worst times are when you are feeding your baby or at bathtime/bedtime (late afternoon). A partner can feel excluded and like a spoilt child become violent to get your attention. This does in no way excuse their behaviour. Good luck - I hope you get the help and support you need. You are being very strong and getting out is the most important move you can make.

I'm still at my btother's and intend to stay here for some time.
He actually made my decision easier by refusing to acknowledge that he 've done anything wrong. Otherwise I admit I might have taken him back

I'm trying to stay strong for my dd's sake
..but it's really hard

Thanks fro your support

oh dear, he sounds as if he's wildly out of control. you are doing the best thing for you and the baby, i'm sorry that he's put you in this position but i'm proud of you for sticking by your daughter.

Poor, poor you. But you have done the right thing. you owe it to your child for the pair of you to be out of the situation.

I suggest that you get your brother to take clear photographs of your injuries. Then, when you start to feel sorry for your ex, look at the photos. Give copies to your brother to keep, in case you destroy yours.

Never forget what he has done to you today.

Stay strong, Doublelife. I've seen a friend go through this and you know what:
a) you will blame yourself but try and ask yourself whenever you do if it's because of things he's said to you in the past, making you think you are responsible for his behaviour - because you're not
b) you will still miss him and feel like an idiot because you wonder why the hell you still love him - but that's normal because an abuser is not an abuser 100% of the time, and he may have some good qualities... it's just none will outweigh the fact he's an abuser
c) you'll maybe blame yourself for your daughter not having a dad but as someone else as said - it's not your choice. He's placed you both in a dangerous situation and your daughter will always, always be better off in a poorer, one-parent home than in a two-parent home where she is constantly in fear of one parent, confused because she doesn't know what is going on, and worse, may be hit by him too.

You've done the absolute right thing and I hope you've got friends and family who will support you all the way. It's going to be shift for the next two years at least... possibly longer, but you know what, it still means things will be better more quickly than if you'd stayed or if you let him back.

Good for you!

Same thing happened to me 5 years ago, but no children involved. He tried to kill me, and I felt guilty, as he was arrested. I realised after that it wasn't guilt, more pity. I was able to get on with my life, but he will always be a wife beater - it was a pity that he had chosen this route in life.

I had a lucky escape, made the best of victim support. Also you must get counselling to help you rationalise and understand your feelings. I did this when I was confused and upset right after, before my head got completely messed up by the situation.

The outcome, is I've met and married the most wonderful man, and our first baby is on the way. There were dark lonely days 5 years ago, but I can safely say I no longet miss his hugs, and pity him as he must really hate himself to try to kill women to overcome his inadequacies.

(He tried to throw me down a flight of concrete stairs backwards by my hair - had I not have grabbed hold of the banister I would have been dead)

Testifying in court against him was one of the most empowering things I've ever done, and I was determined to show that I was not a broken woman. However our country as a whole has a long way to go in terms of domestic violence.

Despite the glaswegian forensic photographer saying I was one of the worst cases she had seen in 12 years on the job, he got a £200 fine (never paid) and a slap on the wrists. Had this have been done by a stranger on the street it would have been a prison sentence. We need to stand up to these beasts.

Thankfully it is now on his record, so the next poor woman that gets it, he will actually end up going inside (though I doubt it would change him).

Good luck, and keep your head up! It will only get much, much better from here..

Get the counselling too

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He probably will apologise at some stage - he'll try a lot of things. But it won't be sincere. He may cry and promise to get counselling, that he'll give up drink, all sorts of things. He may even mean it when he says it (although who knows what is inside another person's head?). Once you were back, though, it would start again. People can change, but they don't just by saying so. It takes a long time to change and a longer time to prove it. He comes back in a couple of weeks and says he's started an anger management course and is taking pills, and if you will only move back it will give him the strength to reform, the answer is NO NO NO NO NO.

I second the idea of having your injuries photographed. If you start to waver, just look at those bruises and imagine them on your baby, as they very likely would be before long. Meanwhile get lots of hugs from your family and friends, and let them tell you how much you deserve love, not beatings.

Hope you have made it through the weekend Doublelife. Keep strong. You have lots of support.

Just wanted to post more support.

I used to work for the Scottish version of the CPS and had opportunity to read through various serious assault cases. Time and time again women would be violently assaulted by their partners, the police would be called, the partner charged and then letters sent by the women begging for the charges to be dropped. In one case, the woman was eventually murdered by her partner. In fact, I'm writing this to let you know that in nearly all the cases where the men used knives in the attacks they escalated to murder or attempted murder.

This man is very troubled. You cannot save him. You have no future with him. You never did have any future with him.

Sadly, just when you need self belief the abuser has made sure you have none left.
Please, please look into your dd eyes and reach out and feel the trust the love and the absolute responsibility you have. You have such an amazing opportunity right now, to shape your dd's future for the better.

You don't love this man. Please please please get as much help as possible. Get counselling, get involved with women's groups, whatever it takes. Do not allow this abuser back into your life. You may be leaving your dd without an abusive father - surely a lot better than leaving her without a loving mother.

Good luck and love and hope to you

DoulbeLife, I wish I had your bravery. You have done the best thing, both for you and your dd. YOU are what matters, don't forget that x