Has he been unfaithful?

[HPVhow]

I recently had some medical tests as I have been having some gynaecological issues- I am 58 and having abnormal bleeding.
They carried out a smear test at the same time and the result has come back as HPV positive. Googling has brought up some concerns. Can anyone help me please-I am in shock at the moment. Background is I was a virgin when I met DH. He wasn’t. Smear tests have been normal until now. I have doubted his faithfulness in the past. Researching online leads me to believe he has been unfaithful. Although there is research now to suggest you can be a virgin and still have genital HPV, it is implied that it is through foreplay or such.
Before I confront my DH I need to be sure of the facts. Can anyone help me please.? Please be gentle as not only do I have to deal with this but also the risk of cervical cancer too.

recently had some medical tests as I have been having some gynaecological issues- I am 58 and having abnormal bleeding.
They carried out a smear test at the same time and the result has come back as HPV positive. Googling has brought up some concerns. Can anyone help me please-I am in shock at the moment. Background is I was a virgin when I met DH. He wasn’t. Smear tests have been normal until now. I have doubted his faithfulness in the past. Researching online leads me to believe he has been unfaithful. Although there is research now to suggest you can be a virgin and still have genital HPV, it is implied that it is through foreplay or such.
Before I confront my DH I need to be sure of the facts. Can anyone help me please.? Please be gentle as not only do I have to deal with this but also the risk of cervical cancer too.

Sorry for double post. New to this.

As far as I'm aware, they have only very recently been including HPV testing alongside the smear test, so it is possible that you may have had it for a long time, and they just haven't tested you for it before.

Speak to your GP first and get the full picture.

Your dh could have contracted it before he met you. It can lie dormant for years.

Thank you.

It can lie dormant for years, and yes, they've only in recent years begun testing for it. It is possible you have had it for years and never known (your husband too). This on it's own is definitely not a sign of him cheating.

How long have you been with your husband?

30 years

I don't think HPV lies dormant for 30 years.

If you were a virgin when you met and he wasn't then if it's possible it can be dormant that long, then maybe. But -

"In most cases, our immune system eventually clears HPV within 2 years.

But in some cases, HPV may stay in the body (persist) for years. Sometimes the HPV does not cause any harm (clinically insignificant), but sometimes it can cause cervical cell changes (abnormal cells). If HPV does this, it is clinically significant. Remember that this is rare and not what usually happens.

Many researchers say the chances of passing on HPV after the last time warts or cervical abnormalities were present reduces over time. This is not a definite answer, but it is likely that even when you have it, HPV does not always affect the body."

You really need to speak to a doctor about it, tho.

I agree - speak to a doctor about it. I can't imagine it lies dormant for that long.

I was told by a gynae last week that you can have hpv from your first sexual encounter show on an hpv test. I am late 30s and was sexually active from age 13. I asked if it was recent as I've been in a new relationship and she said there's no way of knowing.

They've only recently started testing for hpv so you may have been + from the first time you and your DH had sex.

Maybe a visit to the gp to discuss? Don't automatically think he's been unfaithful

You could've contracted HPV years ago. 80% of people have it at some point, and most have never had warts or anything.

As PP's have said:-

HPV may stay in your body for a long time – sometimes decades – but be dormant or clinically insignificant, which means a test will not detect it. However, it can become active again so a test may then detect it, even if you’ve been with a partner for many years. Although the virus seems new because it’s the first time you have been aware of it, that doesn’t mean it actually is. So the short answer is having HPV while you have a long-term partner does not mean they have been unfaithful www.jostrust.org.uk/information/hpv/how-do-people-get-hpv

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I will have to discuss this with a doctor but I’m guessing he will say the same. In my heart I was hoping I would get an overwhelming “it’s very likely he has been unfaithful” as I would feel stronger and justified in my next steps, hence why I posted in Relationships and not Health. I’ve lived with a lot of lies.

It may not be dormant for that long but if you have it then he has it and you could've been passing it between you - one could clear it naturally the other didn't, you pass it back etc

Love, you don't need hard evidence that he's cheated on you if you've had enough and want to leave. Living with the doubt and emotional pain is awful. I did it for years, it fucking sucks.

You're going through some scary shit right now, and you should do what you need to do to be happy. You don't owe it to him or anyone else to stay if you don't want to.

I highly recommend dumping as a route to a happier life.

Exactly what @category12 said.

I work in sexual health. You absolutely can have it for 30 years if you got it from your dh who got it from a partner before you got together. It’s a bit of a myth that HPV ‘clears itself’ after so long. It can, but not with everyone. If you have been tested for HPV in the past (you probably haven’t, it wasn’t routinely offered), and it was negative, that’s different.

But some people get it young and have it forever. Where it develops into cancer, it often takes 10, 20, 30 years after infection, so totally possible. Most sexually active women have or have had HPV, so that doesn’t mean much by itself.

If you think your husband is cheating for other reasons though, that’s something different.

If it was a bit of a myth, I doubt they would publish it on the NHS website .

Well, we’ve had the conversation and he HAS been unfaithful. But ‘ he wasn’t himself’ at the time and is ‘very sorry’. Can’t deal with this during the virus. Can’t cope.

I'm so sorry.

💐

Mine blamed poor mental health for his unfaithfulness. We're getting divorced now and I'm so much happier.

It’s a bit of a myth that HPV ‘clears itself’ after so long

No it isn’t! HPV clears in almost all cases within 2 years and often times before then! 66% of cases clear in the first 6 months alone.

You could be one of the people who has it long term but if you’re already suspicious of him I’d be asking him to pack his bags.

Thank you. Feel I’ve been punched in the stomach. Going through so many emotions. Feel dirty. Feel that my whole marriage was a lie. Wasted the best years of my life. And now this lockdown has complicated things. Want it over quickly so that I can start to get over it.