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Original poster

OLD - am I unmatching too soon?

29 replies

Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 16:47

How long do you give someone to reply to your message? I tend to give them a day and a half/2 days, then I’ll just unmatch if no reply received.

I’m talking after just like a flattering first few messages , a day or twos chat, Followed by a ‘I’ll text you tomorrow and we can discuss arrangements to meet up blah blah’!

Am I unmatching too soon? Party of me thinks I’m not hanging around whilst they work out who they prefer or to just never hear from them again. The other party wonders if I’m. Self sabotaging by cutting them off too quick?

OP posts:
Poorolddaddypig · 27/02/2020 16:53

Yes, I think so. 1.5 - 2 days to reply for someone you don’t know is ever so short! It’s not like they’re being rude by not replying more quickly as they don’t know you yet and have no commitments to you. They could very easily just be busy over such a short period of time - I don’t even reply to some of my best friends for two days when I’m particularly busy! Just don’t unmatch so soon - what’s the reason you do it, anyway? You could be missing out on some great people! And for what?

noego · 27/02/2020 17:00

I always leave an open question. If they haven't answered within a day then move on.

ravenmum · 27/02/2020 17:04

Why unmatch them at all, what is that for?

Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 17:04

Poorolddaddypig interesting.. thank you.. will deffo think about what you’ve said. I think 1) I’m self sabotaging and using it as a defence mechanism and yet on the other hand, 2) I’ve been having a lot of schema therapy for long standing issues that caused me deep rooted self worth issues. I think I may have gone to the opposite end of the scale as I think to myself ‘don’t think im waiting around just for you to reply’.

There’s been times also when messaging has lasted a couple of weeks then the frequency drops and I just unmatch for the same reason.

Bugger, I’ve just unmatched what seemed like nice guy as well ffs!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 17:08

ravenmum I really don’t know!! 😩😩

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 27/02/2020 17:10

I wouldn't give them longer than a day to reply. They should be trying to snap you up before someone else does not forgetting to reply for 2 days!

PicsInRed · 27/02/2020 17:13

He's not that nice if he's wasting the time and feelings of women on dating sites and you couldn't possibly know if he's nice this early.

Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 17:13

Candyfloss99 funny you should say that, the ‘nice guy’ I mentioned above asked to meet me on the same day we started talking. He said i think I’ll need to act quick here before I miss my chance’. Then no reply after few messages the following day, for a day and a half!! 🤨🤨

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 27/02/2020 17:16

@dontsayyouloveme typical!! Well at least when you unmatch he'll think it's because someone else snapped you up while he couldn't be bothered replying!

Michaelbaubles · 27/02/2020 17:17

I actually think a day and a half is ample time seeing as you’ve already been chatting. If they go cold when you start talking about meeting they’re not up for it, just looking for a pen pal.

Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 17:19

PicsInRed totally agree, clearly not and don’t worry, he only seemed nice whilst we were chatting. I’m too long in the tooth to believe he is actuAlly a nice guy until it’s proven! Lol x

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 18:05

Michaelbaubles the thing is HE asked not me! That’s what’s weird!! Hi him, too late now! 😉

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 18:07

Candyfloss99

😂😂😂😂 I wished though! Lol x

OP posts:
Francesthemute · 27/02/2020 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 27/02/2020 20:47

Francesthemute Yesss ! 🙌🏻

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 27/02/2020 22:48

I do not understand this unmatching? I give them a day to reply then delete from my account. Also this ' matching ' refers to compatibility and not desirability which is equally important in my opinion.

WhiteBadger · 27/02/2020 23:16

Nah if they can't be assed to get back to you. Unmatch! They're just not that into you.

If they're slow responding online what would they be like in RL?

Yup delete!!!

Original poster
Dontsayyouloveme · 28/02/2020 08:19

crimsonlake

On tinder and bumble you have to unmatch to delete them!

WhiteBadger well yeah exactly. I think my concern is if I don’t Unmatch, if they were ever to get in touch again I’d get drawn in when in reality, it’s not acceptable to leave me hanging like that!

OP posts:
florababy84 · 28/02/2020 08:22

They're not busy with real life things, they're talking to a whole lot of other women, keeping all their irons in the fire. I agree that a day or 1.5 days is plenty.

TheStuffedPenguin · 28/02/2020 08:24

People actually have real lives to get on with as well as OLD . If my H had done that then we wouldn't be Mr and Mrs Penguin now.

ShatnersWig · 28/02/2020 08:29

I've only ever matched with a few women on Tinder. Always sent a nice, short first message. Most unmatched without even replying.

Booberella9 · 28/02/2020 10:09

If you can see they've logged in / been active and not replied, then yep rude and unmatch.

But is there a chance they simply haven't been active and haven't read your message?

ravenmum · 28/02/2020 10:24

They're not busy with real life things, they're talking to a whole lot of other women, keeping all their irons in the fire
When I was OLD I was busy, e.g. going away for the weekend with the kids and not wanting to spend the time checking that kind of nonsense. I always presumed other people did the same.

And I talked to a whole load of men at once, and didn't latch on to the first person I exchanged a couple of messages with. I had dates with three men in a week, and assumed they would be doing something similar. They have no reason to be loyal to a stranger.

crimsonlake · 28/02/2020 10:33

They are all crazy.
Recently I was chatting to someone...which led to a phone call. Next day he text to say he had seen me active online and so would not be pursuing things any further. Of ourse I could have reminded him that he would have had to been online himself to see me but it was not worth the energy.
Another after a first meet declared driving 10 miles was half way to Wales and was not sure if he could afford the diesel. He had a full time job and yes was dumped there and then. People who want to get you off the site and meassage privately after all of 2 minutes, how is it easier? I could go on....

CassidyStone · 28/02/2020 10:43

I'm always suspicious of the people who immediately want to chat away from the site. Is it so that they can pursue other people without the person they are chatting to, on WhatsApp or equivalent, realising? Or is there a significant someone in their life they don't want knowing they are on a dating site?

Regarding the unmatching, I'd give them 3 days maximum to reply. Just in case there have been real life issues/work problems etc that have stopped them getting online to send a message.