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Original poster

Don't know what to do

35 replies

Fidelis1980 · 25/02/2020 13:56

Hi Im a male. I've been with my partner for 18years. We have a 14year old child and a mortgage. Everything was fine and happy until I met someone the other night at a party. Nothing happened but now I can't get this other girl off my mind. She has messaged saying she wants to see me again and I would like to see her aswell to see if there's anything there but I don't think I will. However this has me thinking there's something not right in my relationship and I don't think I can end it because of all the commitments plus my other half has done nothing wrong. This other girl has her own things to deal with aswell so that's bought me sometime to think. I'm so confused I don't want to hurt my current partner and child but what if there's someone out there better for either of us.

OP posts:
PixieRabbit · 25/02/2020 13:57

GROW UP.

Taetoes · 25/02/2020 14:01

Mid life crisis Hmm

Musti · 25/02/2020 15:24

You don't know her. After 18 years, things aren't as fun and exciting but you can concentrate on bringing a spark into your current relationship instead of worrying about a crush.

Morgan12 · 25/02/2020 15:31

So after 18 years you are willing to throw everything away for a woman you met at a party for a few hours? Ffs. That's horrendous.

Clearly swapped numbers which is crossing a line already.

You want a shag just be honest. All this 'there might be someone better' is a load of shite and you know it.

Pilot12 · 25/02/2020 15:35

Sort your relationship out with your partner, or pack your bags and leave, making yourself single and free to see who you like. Don't cheat on her, nobody deserves that.

ShesCurly · 25/02/2020 15:44

I'm so confused I don't want to hurt my current partner and child but what if there's someone out there better for either of us.

If you feel this way, if you're this tempted by someone you barely know then do your partner a favour and leave.

You're agonising over someone you do not know. You're considering losing your partner, risking what you have to explore something with this stranger.

That means you are not in a happy relationship.

It's ok to end a relationship, it happens. But more often than not people explore something with someone who has turned their head while still in their relationship so they don't risk losing both people. It's pathetic and cowardly. And so cliche.

If you're this tempted then leave. Then you can see if there's someone better out there.

It sounds like you're with your partner because you're not sure there's someone "better" out there or not. How hurtful and cruel to stay in that case.

Again, if you feel the way you say in your post then give her a chance to meet someone who will appreciate her and treat her well - leave her.

Don't try to have your cake and eat it too. Gross.

Babyfg · 25/02/2020 15:47

What a joke. Go meet the other woman and start divorce proceedings. Your wife deserves better and not to be mugged off. Imagine spending that much time with someone to just be tempted at someone paying you attention at a party.

Did you tell the woman about your partner and child?

bluehairandheartbroken · 25/02/2020 15:53

FFS. I swear I've pretty much lost all faith in the male species now. You know what the right thing to do is. You know cheating would be wrong or you wouldn't feel the need to even ask on here.

You don't know this other person. There's no such thing as 'love at first sight'. You're obviously attracted to her, we're all human, sometimes in long term relationships we do feel attracted to other people other than our partner. But there's decent ways of dealing with it and then there's being a lying cheating bastard. Don't be that person.

Do the decent thing and either a) end your current relationship before pursuing anything with someone else or b) cut contact with this other person and recognise that maybe this just means that things have gone a bit stale in your current relationship and maybe it just needs a bit of work to be good again.

Don't cheat on your partner and put her health at risk, not to mention affect her mental health and her trust in other people/future relationships forever.

Bookworm83 · 25/02/2020 16:00

Guessing from your nickname you're 40. Been with your partner for almost half of your life then.
I think you have a case of FOMO, which can be understandable given the circumstances, but it is not worth risking your entire relationship for.
Nobody can tell you what to do of course, but please whatever you do be honest with your partner. Don't go behind her back, she deserves better than that. If you feel you don't love her anymore and the spark cannot be rekindled, then leat, but please do not cheat, it will destroy her.

johnwayneisbigleggy · 25/02/2020 16:02

The fact that you've obviously swapped numbers with this girl means that you've crossed a line to me - you have intent to meet her. Be a decent human being and either delete her number or finish the relationship you are already in rather than being an arsehole

Kimbaland · 25/02/2020 16:03

Plot twist - the other woman's husband probably thinks the exact same about her. The grass isn't greener

Do your wife a favour and let her find someone better

Gobbycop · 25/02/2020 16:12

You said yourself everything was fine and happy.
There's probably nothing wrong with your relationship, it feels good to be desired and the start of a new relationship can be intoxicating.

Don't throw away what you have for what might be nothing more than a fuck.

Flufferbum · 25/02/2020 16:20

OP she’s willing to go there with you even though you have a wife at home? If they can cheat with you; they can cheat on you. Please have some self respect and respect your wife, and your child. I

AnastasiaBeverleyHills · 25/02/2020 16:36

@Fidelis1980

You're never going to get a balanced view here on MN as you can probably see from the posts above. Posts like "Grow up" or "Midlife Crisis" are hardly helpful. If you feel there is something lacking in your relationship then you need to speak to your partner before you do something that you can never take back. Perhaps conversations between yourselves would suffice or perhaps you need to speak to a couples therapist together, either way having an affair is never the answer. Speak to your partner, she may be feeling the same way you do.

merryhouse · 25/02/2020 16:37

I do wish people would realise this simple fact

the exciting part cannot possibly last

If you want to keep having the exciting experience you have to keep changing who you have it with. Settling down with someone is a decision that you are renouncing the exciting part.

tldr: grow up.

Notwaggingmytail · 25/02/2020 16:39

AGREE with others you'll get indigestion from having your cake and eating it.

If you are unhappy, let your partner free. Being somebody's security blanket always feels v humiliating.

mamato3lads · 25/02/2020 16:52

No no no

You've had your head turned that's all. Although swapping numbers was out of order. Dont do that.

You fancy this girl and want a shag. Let's be straight. If you love your partner then ffs , resist the temptation and move on.

If you really feel like somethings missing be a decent person and discuss it...work on on it....and if it cant be fixed, leave, before swapping numbers with random women

You know what to do here.

Be decent.

dustibooks · 25/02/2020 17:04

Don't know what to do
That's the title of this thread, right?

Are you ready to throw away your entire life as you know it - your relationship with your partner, your relationship with your dc, family life, half your friends, your home, the lot? Do you want to ruin everything for a furtive shag?

Because that is what's on the table here. You have a choice. Make the right one.

MsDogLady · 25/02/2020 17:05

I would like to see her as well to see if there’s anything there...

You have already betrayed your long-time partner by acting like a single man....flirting with this random OW, exchanging numbers, and considering meeting up. Shut this down immediately. How would you feel if your partner was secretly pursuing ego boosts with other men?

You can choose to work on your relationship by channeling more of your emotional energy into your partner and by strengthening your boundaries. However, if you want to pursue others, have the integrity to end things first in an ethical manner. Your partner deserves your utmost respect, doesn’t she?

Notwaggingmytail · 25/02/2020 17:11

You dont have to do that. You can split up.

But dont make a charade out of her life.

MashedSpud · 25/02/2020 17:19

Leave your wife, she deserves a man, not a pathetic excuse for one.

I hope your new toy dumps you in a few months.

Cinderemma · 25/02/2020 17:24

My ex met someone once and did the dirty on me. If you're even beginning to think that then end things with your partner and go about things the right way.

Mummyzzz044 · 25/02/2020 17:51

You will end up giving into your penis. We can all give you advise but let's be honest you will follow your d*ck.

Your marriage will then be over and you've broken your family because you want a shag.

Sorry.

Original poster
Fidelis1980 · 25/02/2020 20:48

I didn't swap numbers. She messaged me through Facebook. I just needed some sense talking into me. Thanks for those that understand the situation I will ignore contact with this women

OP posts:
MindYours · 25/02/2020 20:50

Men like you are why I'm staying fucking single

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