Don't know what to do

[Fidelis1980]

Hi Im a male. I've been with my partner for 18years. We have a 14year old child and a mortgage. Everything was fine and happy until I met someone the other night at a party. Nothing happened but now I can't get this other girl off my mind. She has messaged saying she wants to see me again and I would like to see her aswell to see if there's anything there but I don't think I will. However this has me thinking there's something not right in my relationship and I don't think I can end it because of all the commitments plus my other half has done nothing wrong. This other girl has her own things to deal with aswell so that's bought me sometime to think. I'm so confused I don't want to hurt my current partner and child but what if there's someone out there better for either of us.

Nothing is wrong with your relationship. You just had your ego stroked. The chest crushing pain of betrayal even as minuscule as this is unbearable. Your partner will question what is wrong with her, what does she not have that this woman does. What is it about this dirty whore (that's what someone is who is happy to pursue you knowing you're with a partner and have a child) that you're willing to throw away an 18 year relationship fir that is so fucking special.

Block her and grow the fuck up.

Good on you. Any woman who goes after another woman's man isn't decent at all.

Being tempted and thinking about 'what ifs?' is very very normal.

Acting on the temptation will ruin everything you've already built up over 18 years. It will likely scar your child and change the course of their life.

Resisting the temptation makes you a decent person with integrity.

Talk to your partner and assess the state of the marriage, see how she's feeling, if things are terrible then consider divorce, THEN go off looking for greener pastures if that's what you all agree is best.

Thank you. Would like to say to the nay sayers. I would not have cheated yes I would have liked to have seen her but would have ended the relationship first. I was asking for advice if I should end it for this. Thing is I've had my head turned before but I've always been able to ignore it. Theres something about this girl though there was a real connection when we talked. Mustard up the strength to click block on Facebook though. So just gotta ride this out and try to fix things with partner. Although like I said I felt happy in the relationship before this so still confused how this happened.

Good on you for blocking. I think you should also take this as a wake up call to really put some effort into your current relationship. Having your head turned is fairly common, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything seriously wrong with your relationship but it just shows you that you're maybe missing something. As someone said above - that 'new relationship excitement' is just that. You only get it at the start of a relationship. But what it builds into is worth so much more as long as you both work at it.

It's like people say - the grass only grows where you water it. That really stuck with me!

Oh and also - if she messaged you on facebook then she clearly knows you're in a relationship with a child (assuming you don't hide that fact on facebook) so for that alone I'd stay well away. I have no time for anyone who knowingly goes with someone who has a partner/husband/wife.

This old chestnut! Married man has his head turned and is trying to justify cheating on his spouse. Are you willing to risk everything for a cheap shag? Does this girl know you are married? If she does it doesn't say much for her morals, she is as bad as you. Few people here are going to say to you yes this is a great idea, pursue it. Forget her and concentrate on your family, it's not worth it!

I'm not trying to justify cheating. I wouldnt do that. I was asking if it's it was worth taking a risk and leaving my current partner to see if there was anything there. She knew I was married on the night because I told her. It dealt with now. I have blocked her. Just trying not to think about her now. Like I said we chatted it wasn't flirty it was just a nice long chat about normal things. Something just clicked but I now belive it's not worth losing everything over

It's a bit unfair making this about men. Women flirt and have affairs too.

Don't throw away 18 years of marriage for someone you hardly know. As you say your wife has done nothing wrong...