What next?

[Crossroads19]

Dh and I have been having problems for a while. Things came to a head last year when I realised he was probably emotionally abusive and I admit I took a really big step back both physically and emotionally.

We have had a few counselling sessions but things haven't improved.

I have really tried over the last few weeks to build on our closeness but it hasn't been particularly welcomed. I feel he is trying to punish me into apologising for causing all of this distance, which usually I would have by now and frantically tried to fix things.

Today he has messaged to tell me that I have broken him, that I am like a stranger, a bipolar one at that, that he feels trapped as he can't leave our 2 DC's in case I bully them once he is gone and that I am abusive.
He has since blanked me when I got home, ate the meal I cooked and has taken himself upstairs whilst I deal with our dc.

I really don't know what to make of it.

I suggested we have an honest chat (I haven't actually told him our counsellor told me in a solo session that she believed I was in an ea relationship and to leave as I was afraid of his response) and he has refused. He often does this, says his piece and but won't let me say anything.
What the hell do I do now?

I think what I realised is there is a coldness to this kind of person. They lack empathy but naturally gravitate towards an empath themselves. They do seem to move on quickly but you can only assume they must be unhappy within themselves to treat others like this and they continue to carry this in their future relationships. No matter how high you jump or how low you bend it will never be enough. To answer your earlier post, I don't know if they know they are abusive, I think in some cases they don't think they are but they don't like how they are acting and so they rewrite the narrative to make you the enemy so that it can sit OK with them and take away their feeling of guilt. They deflect blame and then start to believe it.

Yes that all makes sense. During counselling i was told that he had a deep rooted need to be "ok", meaning he would always ensure I was the person who was "not ok". That seems to fit pretty well. It is crazy that they can't see it, at all!