Divorce - Awkward wife

[pj722]

Hello world.
I am hoping someone can relate to my situation and whilst I need legal advice which I have taken, sometimes there are knowledgeable people out there that might be able to reassure me or at least relate to my situation.

Ill keep it brief,
34, male, separated from wife in Feb 2019. Moved out of the marital home due to conflict. We have a 2.5 year old. I am living with elderly mother until the house sells and it has been up for sale since August 2019.
Wife is 29, we was married for 3 years, together for 10. Owned house for 3 years also. Buying house, getting married and having a baby all happened quite quick.
Wife is at the marital home, with 2.5 years old, she pays the bills such as gas and electric and I still pay half of mortgage, half of a joint car loan and also full whack CSA, so in my opinion I am very fair bearing in mind I don’t live there.
She works 3 days a week, I work full time. She earns about 19k for 3 days, gets CSA from me, universal credit so has an income of about £1800 a month
I earn around 39k

After we split a few months later she met someone else. She agreed to get divorced so I paid for divorce online and also for a consent order and she agreed in email that she would keep 60% of the house sale, all of the furniture and she was happy. She accepted that she probably wont be able to buy somewhere and would have to rent as we don’t have a lot of equity. She has a credit card with around 5k on, I have credit card with about 15k as I was the daft one that paid for most of wedding, furniture for new house and child stuff. We were very amicable about stuff and got on well still, despite her having the new boyfriend at the marital home.

She split with the new chap in December and has completely turned feral on me (cant think of a better word to describe it)

Briefly,
She wont communicate about the house sale, and says we will only talk when we get an offer
Because I have been trying to communicate about the house, she has then decided to change the locks and feels I am harassing her which is just ridiculous.
She states she will NOT rent, she will only buy (problem is, can she afford to on a part time wage, considering deposit etc)
She wont agree to a consent order anymore at this time
She went to see a solicitor about a mesher order but I think from what I can work out she was told it wont happen as she doesn’t need a 4 bedroom house for her and just 1 child, plus I also need stability.
She has been taking advice from the divorced girls on the street type scenario, taking no account that everyones situation is different.
She wont provide her solicitors details (not sure she even has one, just that she has been for advice)

You can see my issue.

I have tried to reason with her, explain to her that if we don’t talk or she refuses to sell the house, then its going to cost us money we don’t have. Ie, mediation, and If an agreement still cant be reached then the court to decide which to be honest could backfire and also they could force sale of the house for less. This will also cost her, not just me?

The divorce papers landed last week, not sure she has even sent them back. Obviously the consent order will have to just hold for a while.

I was also worried about what she was doing in the background, but various solicitors have said she is responsible for her personal debt, and if she rocks up credit cards in her name its not my problem.

I guess the question is
Anyone else have this problem? Is this normal? Seriously what can I do? I want to take a step back but I just worry it will never sort itself, I just don’t see an end. Its like, why can she just not see the common sense and lets sell and move on. Maybe im rushing sometime that unfortunately takes time. I am even conscious what she might feel crap about receiving divorce papers but not sure what else to do.

Just go through your solicitors
It’s highly likely that the house will be sold if she can’t afford it ( ie mortgage and running costs)
She’ll possibly be awarded higher share of equity
It will be deemed to big for needs - she only needs a 2 bed and courts don’t care if it’s own/ rented / child just needs to be suitably housed
Crack on with it

I don't really have any advice but just sending some support as that sounds a really shit situation. Is she been okay about contact with your child

Whatever you do don’t be like my brother and get mugged off via the financial consent order, make sure the divorce doesn’t go ahead without it. He’s now having to take his ex back to court to get the consent order he should have had in the first place.

Just go through solicitors op. Follow their advice to the letter and leave it at that.

It's not easy emotionally at all, I really get it. Chat to friends and, if you want my advice, put it all into a journal, I found that helps.

You've just got to let it all happen, it's hard when it's someone you do care about etc., the parent of your child. But it sounds like you do need to get some psychological distance from this one.

Paying half the mortgage and CSA isn't doing her a favour it is your responsibility.

I agree solicitors is the best option here as communication has broken down for whatever reason.

No advice but I don't think she can legally lock you out of your own house. That is awful. How is she with you seeing your ds?

@Friendsofmine
He’s not living in the house. So he would be paying for his house AND a house only SHE lives in.

If his name is on it, he has to pay whether he is living there or not. I had to pay my mortgage for 3 years until the house sold whilst also renting another house.

Obviously we only have one side of the story here but the obvious thing is that this cannot be dealt with amicably and it will have to go through solicitors with the risk that you will all lose your equity.
Personally I think that would be better than living life like this in a hellish limbo.
Get solicitors advice and start court proceedings - it looks like it is your only option.
Maybe once your ex starts losing money hand over fist in court she will come to her senses.

How awful. I’m not sure what else you can do apart from push ahead with the advice of a good solicitor and force a sale of the house. Please don’t do anything stupid and attempt to move back in! That’s just mean and potentially psychologically damaging on your kid. You need a deed of separation and the financial consent order. It sounds like you’ll have to take it to court. The advice is correct. She doesn’t need a 4 bed house and the courts will take that into consideration. Are you seeing your child?

@Friendsofmine just because you did doesn’t mean that’s the case for everyone.

I think you’ve been very reasonable and she’s probably shafted herself now. I’d go to a solicitor and she’ll soon see that talking to you is a) cheaper b) would have got her a better deal.

atomic yes you are liable if you’re on the mortgage AND it’s not ‘just her’ there it is his son too.

Honestly I didn’t say he wasn’t liable I said it’s not always the case when one spouse has been removed from the home that the mortgage is still paid by both.

It depends on whether the excluded person can afford both, whether there is an occupation order in place etc. Lots of differing factors there is just no set outcome, I’m working with two families currently where this is the case and many more have gone before.

You’re paying half the mortgage (why? You also need to house yourself). She can’t change the locks, it’s your house too. Talk to your solicitor about stop paying the mortgage or moving back in. I know it’s not ideal for you but might be the nudge she needs to set the wheels in motion properly.

Well firstly reduce the maintenance by the amount of mortgage you are paying - you are paying to keep roof over child's head so they will reduce it.
Get the divorce petition personally served upon her and attend a mediation appt. if she doesn't go then issue proceedings.

She will have to cooperate then.

Some really bad advice on here from people who only think they know what they're talking about, OP. Please don't act on any of it until first talking to your solicitor.

Talk to your solicitor.

Personally I'd move back in.
You paying half and not being there suits her, she'll have little incentive to change the status quo and drag out proceedings.

Living together is not fun for either party, but because of that it speeds things up!

Some poor advice here, some good.

I really think you must issue financial remedy proceedings. The email agreement to sell the house and divide 60/40 is evidence, but won't bind her and isn't necessarily going to be followed by the court.

Don't move back in.

atomicblonde30

Agreed. I was suggesting he seek advice from a solicitor and not stop paying the mortgage just because people on the internet are telling him too.

Me too @friends I wasn’t advocating for him to stop paying without legal backing at all. Apologies if that wasn’t clear.

Listen thanks everyone. I won’t be moving back in.

I think she’s just throwing mud where she can. I don’t believe for one minute she eve has a solicitor to be honest, she won’t even give their name and thats for one reason.

My plan is. Wait for confirmation of divorce paperwork wether she has sent it back or not.

Try to sort a consent with everything before house sells

Wait to get offer on house and if she won’t play ball then I’ll get solicitor properly involved and do mediation. If not court.

I think some of you made valid points, she might realise when she has to pay court fees she was better speaking to me. I know now she doesn’t have the money to pay for solicitors.

Sound like a plan?

I wouldn’t mind but I’m not a nasty person. I just want stuff to be sorted .

As all of this started after she split up with her boyfriend could it be that she blames you for the break up? Where you always calling her and visiting when he was in the house? Did he get fed up with the amount of time you spent speaking to/with her? It would explain why she suddenly doesn't want anything to do with you, if your level of contact was too much for the boyfriend to deal with. There are two sides to every story and something happened to make her turn on you.

@Pilot12 some people are just twats. Some are just abusive. They don't need a reason to be.

Aren't you sad that your marriage has failed?

That is a lot of stress in a very short time, can't you forgive eachtoehr?

or have you got someone else