Divorce - Awkward wife

[pj722]

Hello world.
I am hoping someone can relate to my situation and whilst I need legal advice which I have taken, sometimes there are knowledgeable people out there that might be able to reassure me or at least relate to my situation.

Ill keep it brief,
34, male, separated from wife in Feb 2019. Moved out of the marital home due to conflict. We have a 2.5 year old. I am living with elderly mother until the house sells and it has been up for sale since August 2019.
Wife is 29, we was married for 3 years, together for 10. Owned house for 3 years also. Buying house, getting married and having a baby all happened quite quick.
Wife is at the marital home, with 2.5 years old, she pays the bills such as gas and electric and I still pay half of mortgage, half of a joint car loan and also full whack CSA, so in my opinion I am very fair bearing in mind I don’t live there.
She works 3 days a week, I work full time. She earns about 19k for 3 days, gets CSA from me, universal credit so has an income of about £1800 a month
I earn around 39k

After we split a few months later she met someone else. She agreed to get divorced so I paid for divorce online and also for a consent order and she agreed in email that she would keep 60% of the house sale, all of the furniture and she was happy. She accepted that she probably wont be able to buy somewhere and would have to rent as we don’t have a lot of equity. She has a credit card with around 5k on, I have credit card with about 15k as I was the daft one that paid for most of wedding, furniture for new house and child stuff. We were very amicable about stuff and got on well still, despite her having the new boyfriend at the marital home.

She split with the new chap in December and has completely turned feral on me (cant think of a better word to describe it)

Briefly,
She wont communicate about the house sale, and says we will only talk when we get an offer
Because I have been trying to communicate about the house, she has then decided to change the locks and feels I am harassing her which is just ridiculous.
She states she will NOT rent, she will only buy (problem is, can she afford to on a part time wage, considering deposit etc)
She wont agree to a consent order anymore at this time
She went to see a solicitor about a mesher order but I think from what I can work out she was told it wont happen as she doesn’t need a 4 bedroom house for her and just 1 child, plus I also need stability.
She has been taking advice from the divorced girls on the street type scenario, taking no account that everyones situation is different.
She wont provide her solicitors details (not sure she even has one, just that she has been for advice)

You can see my issue.

I have tried to reason with her, explain to her that if we don’t talk or she refuses to sell the house, then its going to cost us money we don’t have. Ie, mediation, and If an agreement still cant be reached then the court to decide which to be honest could backfire and also they could force sale of the house for less. This will also cost her, not just me?

The divorce papers landed last week, not sure she has even sent them back. Obviously the consent order will have to just hold for a while.

I was also worried about what she was doing in the background, but various solicitors have said she is responsible for her personal debt, and if she rocks up credit cards in her name its not my problem.

I guess the question is
Anyone else have this problem? Is this normal? Seriously what can I do? I want to take a step back but I just worry it will never sort itself, I just don’t see an end. Its like, why can she just not see the common sense and lets sell and move on. Maybe im rushing sometime that unfortunately takes time. I am even conscious what she might feel crap about receiving divorce papers but not sure what else to do.

She thinks I’m harassing her because I ask about the plan. What her intentions are. She says it’s nothing to do with me.

She had the new boyfriend around at the marital house, I never met him as he always left before I came to pick my son up. I didn’t agree with it as she just let him stay without any proper introduction

And I have no idea why she has turned. Maybe the new boyfriend wooled stuff over and now she’s got more time to be arsey.

Hard thing is she is a great mum: but just turned horrible for no need

It’s come to point where I am having counselling and also on meds.

No advice to give. Just wanted to say good luck. It sounds like a really stressful situation to be in.

I have met somebody else over the last couple of months but I have been separated a year now and I don’t think that should be a reason for her to kickoff on this that is the reason why she is now being awkward

I have met somebody else over the last couple of months but I have been separated a year now and I don’t think that should be a reason for her to kickoff on this that is the reason why she is now being awkward

Don't rule it out.

Do everything through solicitor and I would.say this to anyone male or female, amicable or not. Much easier.

Sort this out before you sell the house or she may hold you to ransom by refusing to sign the documents until she gets what she wants. I work in conveyancing and have seen this happen so many times. You then lose your buyers and estate agents won’t want to deal with you.

How do you suggest I sort it? I can’t force her to sign a consent order Can I?

No but courts can set one and enforce it through financial dispute resolution if you can’t agree between you.

Hi OP, your situation sounds a little like mine was - all done and dusted now though. I dug my heels in to begin with and was adamant I was staying in the house. Solicitors fees were racking up as we couldn't agree so eventually I conceded to mediation. Surprisingly, we only had two sessions and got everything sorted. I was relieved to be honest and although I finally agreed to sell the house, I came away with a good percentage (I think my ex lied about a few things but that's another story!). I got my solicitor to draw up the consent order based on what we agreed and that was that. Although people mean well, too many give the wrong advice - the law is very complicated here and every couple's situation is different. One thing the mediator said has stuck in my head: the fairness needs to be split equally as does the unfairness. I hope you can move forward with this.

I didn't think you were allowed to change the locks at this stage, I thought both parties were entitled to the same access to the home.
Sounds like she's not happy about something , possibly not happy you have moved on and her new relationship hasn't worked out?
Regardless of that though she isn't helping herself or anyone behaving this way

I see a lot of posters are questioning why you are paying half the mortgage. If it's in joint names then you should and I know my ex was advised to continue to do so until the house was sold or an agreement reached. I think if you don't, it's not going to do you any favours. At the end of the day, she could pay just her half and let it default - an even worse outcome.

if she won’t play ball then I’ll get solicitor properly involved and do mediation

She isn't playing ball!

So get the solicitor properly involved - why would you not, when there are children and property to deal with?

Don't worry about who she's getting legal advice from, just get your own - they can then contact your wife and find out who she's represented by.

Having the lawyers talk will also take some of the heat out of the situation and keep everything focussed on the important points instead of mudslinging.

LonginesPrime I see what your saying but I tried to be amicable and just sort it between us without all that fees etc. I’m going to upgrade my solicitors package tomorrow to a solicitor managed consent order and let them sort it

Good luck pj722. Getting divorced takes time and it will often feel like wading through wet cement. I know till its complete it will be a monkey on your back but the solicitor can now take some of the heat.

Don't give too much away. Bear in mind your pension assets will also need to be assessed alongside all the shared assets, the house, car etc and the debts. There's no reason why she cant work full time and start supporting herself and her son more fully - she will have to face working how how to pay for their housing.

I suspect that she's turned because she thought her new relationship would tide her over into a positive future (and maybe improve her financial position if she could share a house with them). Now thats failed and you have moved on she's bitter. and facing reality. She's realised she's going to have to rely on herself for support.

Thank Everyone on here, I’m shocked by the full response.

Bouledeneige That’s a great reply and I see 100% where your coming from

OP have a look at the Form E. It's the form used to declare assets and liabilities. Both parties complete it and the judge uses these to make a decision. If you go down the mediation route you have to fill in their own forms which require more or less the same information and you can clearly see how the financials balance out once everything is declared.