What sacrifices/changes did your DH/DP make when you had children?

[Catsandbag]

I know that my DP has made a few sacrifices since having children, but nowhere near as many as I have. One thing he refuses to sacrifice is spending the closest weekend to my birthday and sometimes on my birthday to go away for the weekend for the annual final of his hobby.
This has devastated me every year to the point I dread my birthday as he lumps me with the children and let's face it, my birthday is atleast the one day of the year it should be about me!
I recently confided in his sister about how this makes me feel during a heart to heart and she said she feels he has "sacrificed enough already."
Yet, we're still not even married as DP doesn't see the point, yet did before children. We fell pregnant unexpectedly with twins, hence no marriage beforehand. He is now quite content to not bother.
Despite him making many sacrifices and reducing his social time considerably, I am still not convinced that he has sacrificed enough.
I'm interested in hearing about what your husbands/partners have sacrificed when children have come along?

I know very few men who gave sacrificed half as much as women, if you're talking about the woman's opinion!
I gave up smoking, drinking, put my career on hold, ruined my body, almost died in childbirth, go out alone about twice a year, rarely even go to the toilet or shower by myself, I could go on and on.
My dh goes to the pub far less and has been told to be nice to me and dd. He thinks life is hard now we're parents.
I know countless couples exactly the same.

Agree with pp. my dp sacrifices his mid week pub visits but he had given this up prior to our son being born as he was starting to get a bit of a problem. Probably the only thing he has sacrificed.

Nothing
His life after kids was exactly the same as before
Apparently all things to do with house and kids is ‘womens work’

I divorced him. The lazy so and so

My ex narcissistic husband gave up nothing for me and the children, he continued to do what he liked, when he liked.

As previous poster said he saw it as women's work looking after children.

That's partly why he's my ex and the other part was because he was abusive.

He'll be around in the afternoon for DD coming home from school if I have to pick DS2 up at the same time. He doesn't go out nearly as much as he used to.

XH dropped time at work/changed his schedule to ensure he had plenty of time with DC.

TBH he is a good Dad, always put DDs needs above his own and was as happy for me to see my friends as I was for him to see his.
We had quite similar attitudes towards our respective jobs though so shared everything pretty much. And we had 'our nights' in the week to go to the gym/meet friends or whatever.
He also did more cooking (too many complaints about my meals) and we paid for a cleaner but I sorted all the washing/bedding etc.

Mine gave up playing for a cricket team, I didn’t ask he just did this as it could be an all day affair plus travel time. He now does park run on a Saturday and has some gym equipment at home.

Mine gave up his Saturday football team. He still plays occasIonally if they're desperate and we've got no firm plans with the kids / the weather is nice so me and the kids can come watch. Usually followed by a cheeky lunch out somewhere as a family so I rather enjoy it.

He's super flexible with working hours to make sure he's available to help with school runs and childcare if needed.

Neither of us go out often we're both homey people but if he does have plans he's happy to cancel them if he feels he's needed more at home (came back from a stag do abroad once because DS1 has a sickness bug, DS2 and ear infection and he was concerned by how knackered I sounded when he called)

Mine gave up work to look after them pee school and now works part time hours. He's our sons carer as he has a disability and does most doctor and school appointments while I'm at work. He makes sure they do all their school work, runs the house (although we have a cleaner to help). His world are the dc.

Nothing. He expected life to carry on exactly as it had been before, changed about four nappies in total, continued going to the pub, playing sport, doing hobby etc. Once ds was born he thought he had a full time unpaid housekeeper and gardener for life. I left when ds was 3.

We had always split cooking and housework equally before children, so that hasn’t changed (though I probably did a few more things while st home on maternity leave).

He changed his working hours to do compressed hours so he has a day off every fortnight, which reduced the nursery bill. Now DD is at school he does the school run and volunteers in school on that day.

Reduced his evening of gaming with friends sessions to once a fortnight (friends are also dads to small children, so sometimes they don’t even manage this).

Doesn’t play computer games anymore because he doesn’t have a few spare hours at the weekend like we used to!

We didn’t have a big social life before we became parents (last in our friendship group so everyone else had stopped going out before us), so that hasn’t changed. Wish we could get a babysitter and go out more!

We each have our own nights out (book club for me/ gaming session for him), and as things are fairly equal I’m happy for him to go out occasionally (and he’s happy for me to go out too).

I find this quite a hard question - I'm struggling to think of much but then I can't for me either? We both took parental leave (I took six months, he took four). We both currently work full-time, though he's going down to four days a week in September and I'm hoping to do the same later in the year. We both have to juggle our working hours and do some mad dashes across town to do drop off or pick up to make that happen. We can't both go out in the evening at the same time but we do both go out fairly regularly - usually one of us goes out one night of the weekend.

But I don't know if I'd consider any of that a sacrifice? Life is really different for us both after having DS, but it doesn't feel to me like we've given lots up, and I think (and hope!) it doesn't to DH either.

Definitely not as much as me in my opinion; I guess he’s sacrificed free time and money and probably the biggest thing for him is that I’ve spent 2 years making it clear that if he wants to do something he needs to run it past me first rather than just assume I’ll stay at home with our DD; he really struggles with feeling he has to be accountable to someone and it’s still a cause of tension but I’m in the exact same situation so I’m not overly sympathetic

He has sacrificed enough? Why does that mean you have to sacrifice your birthday? Book a weekend away and get him to sort childcare.

As for marriage, he might not see the point, but if it is important to you that is the point!

My DH gave up:
His sport
His city (moved closer to my family - his parents didn't live in the city we met)
His nights out (admittedly all his friends are in another city)
His lie ins
Most of his money (but also most of mine).

Apart from the bits he couldn't share, he is an equal partner in our children's upbringing. We also split housework and cooking.

I don’t think he’s sacrificed anything except his future Porsche
He works hard, takes the kids out at times, does some chores, stays in with them if I want to go out.
I don’t think he’s sacrificed anything to do that?
He still gets to do his hobbies and has downtime like I do.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me who can’t to the bare minimum. It’s actually not a lot.
If some of these men just took 1 hr out of their day and 2 on the weekend to play with dcs and do chores, so many families would be better off.

OP, I think the birthday thing could be addressed by booking out the weekend closest to your birthday (which isn't the one his hobby takes up) and making it very clear to him that this is your birthday weekend to be spent exactly how YOU would like to spend it.

Op I'm sure you've posted about your dp not caring about your birthday or giving up the day before. If it is him, he's a massive twat and the birthday thing is not the only reason.

DH did sacrifice quite a lot. He did equal childcare from the beginning (we worked part time around each other) and childcare is not something that comes naturally to him.
He had to devote less time to hobbies and social activities. The stuff he did keep up he sometimes had to do with kids in tow.
He doesn't do the mental load. I still plan playdates and birthday parties. I still notice when they've grown out of clothes. I still deal with teachers and medical stuff.
Also worth mentioning: the "equality" (such as it is) is not a result of DH's shinning feminist credentials. It came about because he was chronically underemployed at the time the kids came along. Which in turn was due to his rather childlike insistance on his "dream" career instead of just getting a bloody job and paying some bills!
Nonetheless- credit where its due. He did a great deal of childcare and his life changed enormously in ways he found difficult.
The happy ending is he did break into the line of work he wanted in the end and is now in full time employment just in time for the kids to be in school so its worked out pretty well for us in the end!
OP: I don't think your friend is right that he's "sacrificed enough". I also think he should be about for your birthday as he knows its important to you. I would also feel undervalued by that.

DH has probably given up as much as I have. He no longer plays cricket (used to play Saturday and Sunday), does all the childcare in the holidays (teacher) when he used to swan around enjoying life, we each have lost a weekend lie in.

The whole idea that he feels he has ‘sacrificed’ his life shows you something.

We ‘prioritised’ and feel we ‘invest’ in family time.

Both dropped a day at work to do a weekday childcare day, plan all birthdays etc as family events. Communicate about social events.

Parenting / running a family needs to be a team thing, with compromises, but the outcome is happy children, happy adults so no ‘sacrifice’.

It is hard if the hobby thing is a grand finale. But he needs to be aware of your birthday and pro actively make plans to celebrate and make you feel special. His DSis’s input is interesting: she clearly thinks hard-fine by men ‘sacrifice’ their lives for women and children too. Did they get this from their parents?

However. Have you sacrificed your security? Are you now a SAHM with no income and pension etc and without the financial protection of marriage? Because that is what I would call a sacrifice.

I think you've posted on this before? I think you're being a bit unreasonable about his once-a-year final. The celebration of your birthday can be rescheduled, his final cannot.

DH gave up hobbies, social life, unbroken sleep, free time, lie ins. Same as me really.

The big difference is career. He’s always refused to compromise his demanding career. Which eventually meant I gave up mine.

Everything. As much as me if not more.

we're still not even married as DP doesn't see the point, yet did before children

Oops. So, you'll be on one of those, 'he won't propose marriage to me' threads shortly. He's got kids now so he won't propose to you. He's got no motivation to now he's a Dad.

He's still got the option of marriage (so do you) should he wish to propose to some one.

It's 29th February next Saturday. Propose marriage to him just to see how he reacts.

You've posted before.

OP your in a vulnerable position not being married, if he no longer wants the wedding ask for a civil partnership and see what his response is.