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Original poster

To throw an engagement party?

37 replies

ScarJo · 21/02/2020 21:38

Asking on behalf of a friend.

Friend got engaged June 29th 2019. Her fiance is from Wales so all his family are there. They got engaged in June, had a holiday booked in July, he had an event abroad booked in October then Christmas came around so they didn't have the expense to spare for a party until now.

She is now upset that she is not having an engagement party like all of her other friends did (myself included) but when she brought it up to her fiancé just before Christmas he said MIL said it was too late to have one and nobody from his side would bother coming this far after the fact.

She is such a dear friend to me and so so so kind I really want her to enjoy her engagement and have all the experiences that go along with it. Will she be unreasonable to throw a party now? Will it just be shit?

Throw me some opinions or maybe some ideas of what I can do for an alternative?

OP posts:
Original poster
ScarJo · 21/02/2020 21:39

Woops! Thought this was in AIBU!

OP posts:
ThirtyAndASmidgen · 21/02/2020 21:43

That’s a lovely idea. I’m sure her true friends will try their best to come and she’ll be really touched 😊

Barkley34 · 21/02/2020 21:50

A party for becoming engaged?!

Literally never heard or been to one. Weird.

Rojelio · 21/02/2020 21:52

Not something I did or anyone I know has ever done, seems like an added expense when you have a wedding to save for, I'd tell her to move on and be glad of the extra money

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 21/02/2020 21:55

Never been to an engagement party either!

Original poster
ScarJo · 21/02/2020 21:57

Really shocked by the replies, literally everyone I know has had one! We are 23 and above so don't know if maybe it's a new thing? Like proms weren't a thing when I was at school but they sure are now

OP posts:
Dollywilde · 21/02/2020 22:03

Our friends threw us an engagement party as a surprise six months after we’d got engaged! I’d heard of them but not been to one before but it was so thoughtful and lovely. Smile I’d say go for it!

MuscatelGrapes · 21/02/2020 22:11

If she’s this tiresome and melodramatic about no engagement party, I dread to think of her mood if the pre-hen weekend gets cancelled. Or the hen do, or eve-of-the-wedding rehearsal dinner, or the back-from-honeymoon party, let alone the various housewarmings, sex reveal parties, baby showers, christenings, birthdays, anniversaries etc.

Original poster
ScarJo · 21/02/2020 22:16

@MuscatelGrapes you really don't know my friend. She has a 1 year old and didn't have a gender reveal or anything like that😂

It's more that she got caught up in the excitement and wanted to celebrate with her friends and family. I don't see anything wrong with that?

OP posts:
mypoorfurbaby · 21/02/2020 22:17

Is an engagement party not really old fashion now?
It seems like something I remember happening when I was little but not now a days.

Wasn't it a thing because weddings were smaller so you'd invite everyone and the dog to the engagement party and have a small wedding?

I agree with the sentiment that if she's this much of a drama queen over an engagement party then she will be a complete Bridezilla.

notthisshitagain · 21/02/2020 22:19

Engagement parties are an extremely common occurrence where I'm from. Really surprised at some of these responses.

But I think if I was your friend, I'd maybe just throw a house party at this stage.

Nightsofthunder · 21/02/2020 22:20

Well I'm mid 30's and had a prom when at school but none of my friends had an engagement party. I've never been to one and I probably wouldn't go to one if I was invited. Its a bit naff. They are presumably going to have a wedding at some point so can have a party then. It's also 9 months after they got engaged. It's a bit weird to throw a party now.

Hercwasonaroll · 21/02/2020 22:21

Isn't an engagement party a wedding?

StormDenise · 21/02/2020 22:24

I don't know anyone who's had an engagement party either? They just get engaged then the wedding is the 'party'!

florababy84 · 21/02/2020 22:24

Very common in my circles at the time we got engaged which was 20 years ago. Not sure about now.

Spied · 21/02/2020 22:25

I thought engagement parties were left in 1991

Original poster
ScarJo · 21/02/2020 22:28

@spied

Obviously not lol

OP posts:
NewNameChange2020 · 21/02/2020 22:38

I didn't have a school prom, but did have an engagement party, this was about 12 years ago. Is it old fashioned now?! I'm surprised seeing these replies.

We found a small bar that had a free room so the only cost was a buffet. It was so much fun, and the first time lots of our family and friends had a chance to meet and mingle. If your friend wants one where's the harm. Unless the wedding is just a few months away, in which case it might just mean extra expense, then why not?

PsychoWiener · 21/02/2020 22:43

I didn't have an engagement party but they are quite a big thing nowadays. Nothing wrong with that at all! I say have it and if anyone questions it, they can just say they waited due to money and finding a suitable date. I think it's a nice way for the guests to meet before the wedding if they haven't already Smile

mrbob · 21/02/2020 22:48

I have never been to an engagement party (and have been to bloody millions of weddings so it is not that I don’t know anyone who gets married)
It would seem daft 6 months later when surely they will be already getting the wedding planned?
I am quite old too though and a bit over parties and photo shoots and presents for everything someone does

RandomAmanda · 21/02/2020 22:56

How soon is the wedding?

Redwinestillfine · 21/02/2020 22:59

Isn't the wedding the party? I don't understand engagement parties. Getting engaged is just saying you're getting married. If you're not getting married soon, don't get engaged.

We3kingsoforientareandabump · 21/02/2020 23:03

The only engagement parties I've been to are people who didn't actually make it to the marriage part

DBML · 22/02/2020 00:15

Engagement parties have been around forever. Some people have them and others don’t.

Personally, we didn’t see the point in wasting money on an engagement party, when we so needed it for our wedding and home, but I can see why others want to celebrate, especially if there’s a long wait until the wedding.

Life is short and any reason for a celebration is fine by me. I think it’s probably rubbish that none of his family would go, they’d probably feel ashamed not to go to be honest...but she will know at the back of her mind that they resent being there.

What about a nice meal out for all of the friends. You could take balloons to decorate the table with. Everyone could get their own meals and you could club together for theirs (don’t have to be expensive). You could bake a cake and just generally give her a reason to get dressed up and receive well wishes and a few bottles of wine.

HeddaGarbled · 22/02/2020 00:26

I don’t really think it’s reasonable to expect people who live a way away to travel for an engagement party as well as the wedding. Maybe just do something for people who live locally, unless the wedding is soon, in which case, it really is too late.

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