Another cheating husband...please help

[FirstTimeMum1991]

Hi everyone,
Very new around here and just wanted to reach out for some help.
I am almost 5 months pregnant with my first baby and last week I found out my husband has cheated on me.
I knew something was wrong for around 2 weeks but any time I raised any suspicions etc it was turned back on me. I asked 3 times if he had met or was messaging somebody else and last week just before we were due to go for a valentines meal he finally came clean.
I am absolutely devastated and feel like my entire world has been ripped apart.
Believe it or not I am currently fighting for my marriage, he is very up and down, one minute wanting to fight to be a better husband and father and the next turning it all around on him saying he needs help and needs space.
Am I doing the right thing fighting for my marriage? Crazy I know but I just adore him and cannot imagine life without him. I never wanted to have a baby alone and the thought terrifies me.
I am not really sleeping or eating and also have awful thoughts that when the baby arrives later this year that I will not have a bond with it because of what I have been through.
I’m sorry for rambling on, I am just driving myself crazy. Checking my phone constantly for any little message of hope from him.
Thank you for listening everyone.

16 years ago I could have written your post - I was 18 weeks pregnant and tried to fight for my marriage but H wasn't fully invested.
I decided I needed a home for me and dc and so two weeks before I had dc bought my own house (having sold our marital home) and concentrated on dc. It meant I had to go back to work earlier than I'd have liked. However the bond was there from the early days, it hasn't always been easy and h chose not to see dc after 18 months (or pay maintenance for him) but dc and I are a strong team and although I'd not chosen single parenthood it worked out OK for us. There have been times when I've questioned my judgement on parenting and not had anyone to discuss it with or I've had to choose school or nursery, making big decisions about his health I wished I'd have had someone beside me but for these few occasions I couldn't have put up with a h that had cheated and was no longer invested in the marriage.
You can do it on your own, take it one day at a time, one descision at a time. I found being ultra organised helped, getting out of the house every day even just for a walk, and not comparing myself to two parent families (I had to do things differently on my own). Look into finances benefits you may be entitled to etc and get organised plan as if your going to be a single parent and you will get by.

Woken up after little sleep again.

Thank you everyone for your messages.
We were supposed to find out what we are having today, boy or girl.

Last night was terrible, he went out with friends because he “needed to take his mind off this”.
I just lost the plot. I went on and on and on and he didn’t let me know when he got home, probably angry at me after being bombarded with my messages telling him exactly what he has done.

I am going back to our flat today, he won’t be there. Stopping at Ikea to get bits to make it feel like a safe space for me again.

I just can’t get over how you have your life set up like this with someone you truly adore, I had this man on a pedastal. And through no fault of your own, your life, your self worth and just your general soul are ripped away from you.

OP, I feel for you so much but you will get through this. I'm pregnant too, six months in and I'm also looking at single motherhood for different reasons that I won't derail your thread with now.

My Dsis discovered her ex was cheating when she was pregnant, she decided to turn a blind eye. She was so shocked of the timing and paralysed by the fear. They ended up splitting when their DD was 18 months. It was tough, she'd endured PND (no doubt brought on by her twat of a husband) but ultimately she rocked single motherhood, and her career. Now? She and her daughter (9) are living with a her new partner, who adores them both, she's getting remarried and they are very much in love and she is so happy and so deserving of it.

Honestly, you will get over it.
I'm angry on your behalf reading about you H's complete selfishness. You deserve more, your baby deserves more.

I'm glad to read it sounds like you found your anger last night. Keep hold of it and channel it into making sure you accept nothing short of what you and your baby deserve. Your carrying his baby and he isn't even fighting for you both? What kind of a person does that make him?

Take all the support you can get. Can anyone stay with you? Great idea to go to IKEA and when you find out the sex of your baby, maybe buy some baby things to help your bond. Please also speak to your midwives about what is happening. Mine have been fantastic and supportive. There are anti depressants you can take during pregnancy should you need it and they will keep a particular eye on you and offer you more support.

For now you just need to take it a day at a time and try to eat.

He is a terrible person OP. Don't beat yourself up about finding your anger last night.
Start telling everyone including his friends and family that he has cheated on you whilst you are pregnant. Do not protect him. That will hopefully curtail his enjoyment of his freedom a bit.
The minute you stop begging him to come back and start getting your life back on track is the moment he will come crawling back. Hopefully you will be strong enough then to tell him yo fuck off with great satisfaction.

You will absolutely bond with your little one. You’re in this together. ♥️

OP I’m really sorry this has happened to you and I can completely understand the need to try and fix things and go back to the way it used to be, because those memories are safe and happy.

But he doesn’t even sound that remorseful. He cheated on his pregnant wife. He should be at your feet, begging for forgiveness moving heaven and earth to regain your trust. But he’s not is he? He’s out with the boys.

For me, I could never trust him again and the fact that he doesn’t even respect you enough to be working on your relationship with you would be the end for me.

I know it seems incredibly daunting to face having a baby on your own. But in the long run it will be easier to go now, get a fresh start on your own before the baby comes. You’ll be so overwhelmed being a new mum, you won’t want the stress of worry of dealing with trying to mend your marriage.

And honestly at the end of the day, why do you want to be with someone who clearly thinks so little of you. You deserve so much better than what he is offering you, which isn’t much