Don't worry about not bonding with your baby! This awful, heartbreaking thing he's done to you? He's done that to your unborn child as well. He's betrayed you both and made sex with someone else more important than his family.
And he's continuing to hurt you both with his wishy-washy behavior now that you know. Anyone who wanted to save his marriage, even someone with serious MH problems, would be thankful for the chance to fix things with his wife. Instead, your husband won't take responsibility or do anything to indicate he's serious about repairing your relationship.
The way he's treated you both will make a permanent bond between you and your child. My father walked out on my mother during an argument 3 weeks before I was born. And didn't come back. When he finally came around when I was several weeks old, he claimed he'd been in the hospital and then recuperating at his favorite aunt's who convinced him to go out with friends because he was so sad. When my mother was in labor he was out drinking and dancing with other women. And worse.
My mother said as he'd been too sad to come back for his baby's birth, he could turn right around and go back to his aunt's. That she and I were getting along fine without him and we didn't need him. And then she divorced him within the year. She got busy making a secure life for me and wouldn't let herself look back. She loved me so much that I didn't miss what I'd never had. Mama said every time she looked down at me sleeping she knew she had the best part of him right there. That for that first year I was her world. When I had my own children I realized how hard and scary that must have been for her; how easy it would've been to take him back. At 22, she understood that his priority was never going to be her or me, and didn't give him the chance to hurt us again.
Both you and that baby deserve so much better than you've gotten. As long as you try to hold onto the chance of "fixing" your marriage you're missing the opportunity to give yourself and your child a home filled with love and trust. A home without worry over what he's doing every time he's late, or whenever his mood changes. No more weird atmosphere where you know something's wrong and he won't admit it. You've had that. Give yourself a life free of panic attacks, stress, and ever-worsening self-esteem. You're carrying the best part of him. Make that child your world.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I wanted you to know that my mother is my hero. She's 82, I just turned 60, and there's still so much love between us. There will be between you and your child as well.Xxx