So if I say I need to hear that more, I'm struggling just now, it feels so lonely for me when you are ill.... He can jump to.. This is yoo much too heavy... He wants understanding... Wants our relationship to feel free and easy... There's too much pressure etc...
OP it sounds as though he wants this to be all one way. Is that what the counsellor said?
You say that you need some support and he backs away from the relationship at the speed of light. He seems fine with everyone else and likes you supporting him and being there for him.
However, you ask for something in return, some understanding and empathy, he doesn't want 'that kind of relationship.'
Does he also threaten suicide when you question him or argue? Do you tiptoe around him because you don't want to trigger his anxiety? Being a kind and gentle parent also demands 'presence' or is he a parent to them via Skype?
You're not getting your needs met here OP.
Sometimes, people with entrenched mental health issues, can rely on other people who eventually become their enablers. Just like isolating yourself and refusing to go out makes social anxiety worse, becoming a crutch for someone, means they never have to learn coping strategies.
These kinds of people leap frog from one person to the next and never learn the skills they need to be fully functional adults because there's always someone there to carry them.
In the meantime, you're sucked off all energy. You have your own life, your own children, your own social life and every ounce of energy is going towards this man and his needs.