what do you wish you would've known about men before you started dating them?

[Youcanstay]

Just curious.

That all they really want to do is to get into your knickers...

Men are as likely to be as worth knowing as women.

One tactic that is meant to be effective for weeding out narcissists et al is to say 'no' early on to requests and observe the response. One of the reasons people get away with bad behaviour is because social etiquette can get in the way and people pleasers don't like saying 'no'. I guess it's a way to find out how much a person will respect your boundaries. How a person responds to difficult conversations is also telling. Does he ignore the elephant in the room or change the conversation? I realize that one of the things that irritated me most about ex was he lacked discrimination, especially with regards to people (with the exception of me, obviously!) But really is it realistic to expect to find one man who will tick every box? Perhaps idealizing monogamy is a silly idea?

That they are all different.

I used my first boyfriend as a blueprint for subsequent relationships for ages until I realised that each has his own specific psychological makeup and needs.

That what is important to men at the start of a relationship will continue to be so.

Namedchanged- this one is so true and it’s usually that they want their partner to stay the same all of their lives, be adoring, stay the same size and give them lots of sex!!

That a lot of men expect a vast amount of emotional labour from their female partners, and so him "confiding in you" about all his issues (especially early on) is not a sign that he loves you, or that this relationship is special or important to him. It just means he expects you to do all the emotional work for him.

That you never have to pretend that the sex is OK if it isn't.

That you don't have to put your energy into holding his attention - there will never be enough effort in the world to keep him at your side if he doesn't find you fundamentally interesting just in yourself.

If you think you have a spark with someone, then you probably do. It doesn't mean anything is going to happen, it doesn't mean it's fate, it doesn't mean anything apart from itself - that there is a spark between you. So don't second guess yourself.

Time spent agonising about "what he is thinking" is always wasted. Spend that time thinking about yourself and what you want.

That most men are incapable of putting anyone else's needs above their own.

That a lot of men think about sex most of the time and see it as a right. If so you're basically receptacle.

That their relationships with other females will be a barometer for their attitudes towards you.

That some men are asexual. But they'll lie and lie and lie and pretend otherwise.

That if they're separated/divorced from kids were young, it's often with good reason

That their sense of entitlement is generally inversely proportional to their character, values and attributes. Yes YOU exH.

Swear I'm not bitter...just disappointed I.wasted so much time and effort on him/our marriage at my expense.

Still believe there.are a lot of good men out there who have depth of character and decent morals.

That their relationships with other females will be a barometer for their attitudes towards you

This is a really good observation.

If he's never had any female friends, he won't ever be your friend.

If he calls another woman a slag, that's what he'll call you.

If he is dismissive/disrespectful/ patronising to women (especially older women) that's how he'll treat you.

Does he have any women (in his life or in the public eye) who he admires the work of? If not, he is unlikely to have much respect for the work you do.

That they are very selfish and will always choose the best option for them (prob applies to women too but this thread about men).

That how they behave sexually will reflect their general behaviour - lazy and selfish in bed, lazy and selfish in life. Considerate and giving in bed, likely kind and giving in life.

Men who happily receive but dont reciprocate oral sex are always very selfish and expect you to please them.

That it’s best to be single and just date. Keep your own house and career!

That you don’t need to get involve with EVERY SINGLE ONE that shows an interest in you just because you don’t feel you’re good enough to be the one who gets to make the choice.

That it’s actually really important to work out your own boundaries before you start dating and actively assess men by whether or not they meet them.

Don’t just go along with the relationship. Actively think about whether it works for you and if it doesn’t end it nicely and wish him well. Don’t think things will change because they won’t

To watch out for OTT displays of "affection" early on (presents, flowers, cards, jewellery, professing to love after a week, turning up unexpectedly etc). Usually quickly followed by crap to the same level of intensity. Run.

A good man is hard to find.

Most are selfish, lying dogs.

Assume that the default ''marital status'' is single, so get your own career and house.

My mum never told me anything useful. She got married v young and assumed the same would happen to me. I got no useful advice.

There are so many good clips on youtube, how to tell he's not serious about you etc... I wish I'd had that when I was young.

oh and to add to my PP ^^, the men who do the OTT present, jewellery and flower buying are usually crap with money - either they are maxed out on credit cards, or they earn it but spend it all on rubbish with nothing substantial to show for it.

Stands to reason really.

That they ALL watch porn. Every single one of them. Including the liberal, feminist ‘woke’ ones. Including those who claim they don’t. Including your husband. They all wank, and they all watch porn.

That their version of 7 inches is often an overestimate.

That wealthy men can be pure evil and that less well-off men can be lovely.

My ex earned in excess of £105k pa and was a narcissistic and abusive nightmare. My fiancé earns just under £20k pa but loves me without reserve and has time for me

That he was a liar about his status.

That left-wing men who say all the right things can be emotionally abusive.
That if a man is attracted to you when you are at your lowest after a traumatic bereavement, be very wary.

Also to be wary of men who do large public "romantic" gestures. What matters is the everyday things they do and whether they will help you with things that no-one else will ever know about.

That men don’t get broody. Broodiness is a female emotion, which men don’t and can’t feel.

Men might decide they want to have children, or might be happy to go along with their partners’ desire for children, but they don’t feel the same need to have babies and to nurture children that most (but not all, obv) women do.