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Original poster

Refusing to show me his phone

29 replies

Sesicilana · 19/02/2020 20:51

I saw picture of him and a woman (her kissing him on cheek) on the phone screen. I automatically assumed they sleep together - he told me he fucked up and went out with a woman on a date, but it didn’t go as far as sex. I told him I don’t believe him and if it’s true to show me his phone with messages from her, because otherwise I’m kicking him out. He said the conversation is private between them too and he is not going to show me, because he doesn’t want the message to go to third party. Am I being unreasonable ? I’m angry he would rather walk out than show me the messages (I told him I expect the worst-sexting and all so whatever he shows me can he only better or match my thought). He still refused ! What to do next Sad

OP posts:
Hooferdoofer37 · 19/02/2020 20:53

He's dating other women.

You either agree to be in a polyamorous relationship or you leave him.

Cantpickausername5 · 19/02/2020 20:57

You have your answer when he refused to show you the messages. His cheating on you but I think you already know this. I'm so sorry your going through this but it's time to move on.

inlectorecumbit · 19/02/2020 20:59

You have to follow through withyour threat
Throw him out.

BillywilliamV · 19/02/2020 21:00

You don’t need this drama, kick him out!

MsDogLady · 19/02/2020 21:06

He is lying and cheating. You must follow through with your ultimatum and kick him out.

Whereisthelaughter · 19/02/2020 21:07

He is banking on you not following through on that threat.

Whether you do or not is up to you. But you will NEVER get past it if he doesn't. You will always assume there was more and he will always deny it because he can, because he maintained the power by not showing you.

I know this sounds awful and isnt what you will want to hear but I imagine those messages show that they have slept together, or were at least intending on it.

In your position I'd call his bluff. "Ok, leave. This is a deal breaker. If you don't show me I don't know what I'm dealing with and what we have to work through so leave."

Missarad · 19/02/2020 21:10

Is he having sex with u aswel or isit a sexless marriage this will tell u all I need to know as well

mamato3lads · 19/02/2020 21:18

What a shit. Hes been shagging her it's fair to assume. Kissing on the cheek?? What the fuck? How.long have you been together ?

You have to follow through with your threat or he will do it again and again and again.

Lalala205 · 19/02/2020 21:24

Seriously? You're living together and he 'fucked up' and went on a date with another woman, but doesn't want to be disrespectful by showing you (a third party) what his conversations with her were? Umm, nope! Tell him to fuck off! Why would there even be a dilemma? 🙄

Original poster
Sesicilana · 19/02/2020 21:27

We have a great sex life! Almost daily! I kicked him out tonight to go sleep elsewhere

OP posts:
willowmelangell · 19/02/2020 21:31

He is putting himself and her before your peace of mind.
That is all you need to know.
Good on you for not backing down on your ultimatum.

onemorerose · 19/02/2020 21:33

I can’t believe he wouldn’t show you the messages unless they prove they slept together. Why is he expecting you to accept his loyalty to this ow by keeping the messages private. You need to keep to your ultimatum, I’m sorry! If you don’t do it now you’ll probably be doing it in the future anyway AngryFlowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/02/2020 21:35

So he can date other women just not sleep with them?

FetchezLaVache · 19/02/2020 21:36

What does it matter what the messages say? He went on a date with another woman - surely you don't need to know any more than that to realise you need this loser gone?

everybodyshowlove2020 · 19/02/2020 21:42

Sorry OP he knows tour either have him back or he will go to her or something else.

This isn't about you, or your sex he's just as arsehole.

You need to block him forever and move on for yourself. It will hurt and be tough but if you don't he will just mug you off

FlowerArranger · 19/02/2020 22:10

Why are you even asking this? Are you saying you'd let him stay if he didn't have sex with her? Why would you be okay with your partner dating other women?

Original poster
Sesicilana · 19/02/2020 22:12

We have a child together I wouldn’t let him stay but maybe give him chance to fix it at some point .... just hoped for a bit of hope - very much in love with him Sad

OP posts:
Happygirl79 · 19/02/2020 22:16

Don't put yourself through it
Move on
If you take him back he will do it again because he will think if you forgave him once so you will do it again

Careersytype · 19/02/2020 22:16

He's dating other women.

Surely it doesn't matter if he inserted any bit of himself into any bit of her?

And taking a pic of them kissing ( cheek or otherwise) is not a first date activity. Seriously, who would do that on a " first " date.

RLOU30 · 19/02/2020 22:20

He went on a first date- isn’t this as bad as it gets ?

Friendsofmine · 19/02/2020 22:20

OP have a look at Chump Lady.

Trickle truth

I bet you know the tip of the iceberg.

He is disgusting. STD tests tomorrow my lovely.

NorthEndGal · 19/02/2020 22:20

He needs to be put out with the rest of the garbage

Whatsnewpussyhat · 19/02/2020 22:23

He doesn't love you though. If he did he wouldn't have gone out dating and showing another woman more respect than you.

He is guilty as fuck. If you carry on as is it will show him you have zero boundaries and he can do whatever, and whoever, the fuck he likes because you will put up with it.

LovingLola · 19/02/2020 22:30

You posted a few days ago that you were sexting someone.
I think you both need to make the decision to split up once and for all.

Closetbeanmuncher · 19/02/2020 22:31

I guess the question you have to ask yourself is do you want to spend the rest of your life being cheated on?

Some people (women included) are just dogs. No matter how much sex and attention they're getting they will always want something more and someone different.

Don't waste your life trying to plug the void in this person, he will never be satisfied or loyal.

Aim higher.