What does having that special connection mean to you?

[AutumnAlready]

I'm really interested in hearing what to you is that special bond/ connection with your partner? What is it to you.

Long story but Dh and I are separating because we don't have that bond or at least I don't feel we have and I need more.

An example I heard last week was a lady saying her DH leaves little love notes in the fridge, saying things like you're a great wife, a great mum, I love you. Made me really sad that I've never had that.

I guess to me it's that special bond you have with your partner to get through life.

We pencil regular naked cuddles. It doesn't have to lead to sex but it's a lovely way to spend an hour or so. Sometimes we put our relationship to the back of priorities and the bond suffers.

Funnily enough my sister and I were discussing if we have ever felt a true connection with anyone and sadly our responses were no. Interested to hear everyone else’s connections but no doubt it will leave me feeling rather empty!

Google love languages.
Not everyone has the same ones, does he show you in different ways ?

DH can get right on my nerves at times bless him, but when he's there I feel safe, home and like everything is going to be OK. Nobody else has ever made me feel like that, 20 years this year.

I agree with the naked cuddles, just physical contact really, not necessarily sex.

DH and I will often know what the other is thinking. Sometimes I’m about to ask a question and he answers before I’ve asked.
We cross texts frequently at non specific times and with hours falling in between contact.

For me, a connection isn’t necessarily about the things we say and do.

I relax when I see him

You are totally yourself with each other & you feel safe, but still get excited/look forward to seeing them. And they are the first person you want to tell your news to.

When you feel secure and loved. When I know they are happy to see me. When I would stare at their eyes in silence for hours. When you want to get home at night to see them. When you know you are a team and not just individuals.

About details: I had a boyfriend who was amazing at details. Note in the fridge every morning. Eve of important exams/meetings I got home to a warm bath with candles and music while he cooked dinner. If we were away for more than a day he would send me flowers. He always opened the car door for me.

I notice you use the past tense about this paragon, @Lolailo?

It’s probably worth saying, OP, that one person’s ‘special bond’ is another’s ‘annoying as fuck’. If someone dashed about opening car doors and sent me flowers every time they went away for more than 24 hours, I’d be swatting him away in irritation.

2nd DH. It was like we were twins. We were so alike it was creepy. I never had so much fun doing anything and nothing at all in my life.

I agree with Muscatel - if someone was running about opening car doors and leaving notes in the fridge for me I'd probably think they'd list their marbles.

For me, it's conversation. I love talking to my DH. He's really chatty, which seems quite unusual for a man according to my friends anyway, and we are always talking and laughing together. Just about general stuff, not always deep and meaningful things or big issues of the day, but we never sit in silence over dinner or spend the evening separately staring at the tv. We've done some big road trips - driving ten hours at a time - and always had things to talk about,

This would probably get right on some people's nerves actually, but having had a previous marriage where I was given the silent treatment for days on end at the drop of a hat, this a a breath of fresh air to me.

Unpopular opinion but I think it’s best not to have too much of a special bond considering most marriages don’t last.

For me it would be the feeling of having found your twin, your other half. Someone who understands without having everything spelt out, who is always supportive and has your back.
Not interested in flowers, notes or opening doors.

I've had strong connections with a couple of men who were both very dramatic (I realised subsequently). It was the drama that created the connection and ultimately what made it unsustainable. I'm now with a man who is the opposite and I love it, it's what the middle aged me wants and needs, and I feel just as loved as when I was with the others.

My boyfriend told me after a week that he loves me, that it was love at first sight, that he loves my personality, that I’m the one, sex feels perfect etc etc. I think, essentially he just fancies me more than he’s ever fancies anyone else, men are visual after all. He’s interpreted that as a special connection and therefore goes over and above to prove he adores me every single day. It’s lovely, and I love him, but there are other people I could have this with if we broke up

He just gets me. He knows when something is wrong even when I think I've done a damn good job of hiding it. We make time for each other, even if it's just a quick kiss in passing. We talk and laugh a lot, and always cuddle up if we're watching tv or a film. I always kind of felt a bit tense in relationships before, like I was holding my breath. When I'm with him I feel like I can breathe. And sometimes I catch him looking at me like I'm the most amazing thing he's ever seen, there's such love in his eyes.

It’s an overall feeling of we’re in this together; when we argue we often remind each other that our relationship isn’t about fighting to get what we want from each other but working together to get what we want

I would say that the connection is that you make each other better. You behave better and feel better. Also you “get” each other and things don’t really need to be explained or asked for.

I believe it will not happen if you are never present mentally with each other. That’s spending time focusing on the other and not thinking about work, hobbies, children or others.

The gestures are ways to maintain that bond. Like cuddles for the sake of cuddles rather than foreplay. They allow you to relax and give you comfort. In those moments you get to talk openly and confidently. Long walks and hand holding do it too or even going for drives together.

The languages of love explain some things. But if the other person is present mentally with you , then they aren’t speaking to you in any language.

I feel very loved, I cam be thinking of something and he’ll start to talk about the same thing, I go to call/text and the phone rings and it’s him! I know, as long as he’s around, all is well with my world.....

Laughing at the same things, holding hands and sex. We have chemistry that I honestly didn’t think existed, I’ve found a different part of myself (not literally) that was hidden or didn’t exist before I met him. It’s otherworldly.

We can chat about anything. Literally every night we say "we should get an early night" and then we get chatting and almost an hour goes by. When I became a SAHM I was worried I'd become the most boring person on the planet - only able to talk about our child. The first few "date nights" we had once our baby was old enough, I was terrified at the thought of sitting across a table from him for two hours over dinner. But the conversation continued to flow.

We've also been through some hard times together, but it's always pushed us closer together instead of pulling us apart.

It just works

I've discussed this in counselling recently (depression).

It's the 'intention' behind actions that keeps us connected.

All those little things that make our existence nicer - without being asked. Defrosting the car, tea in bed etc. No massive gestures (can't remember the last time he bought me flowers).

We also had a long lunch on Sunday just us and played trivial pursuit. He's so clever and funny. That was a really refreshing day. We really 'know' each other. He is so kind and caring I'm very lucky.

Actually that didn't answer your question. Sorry.

Having that connection is so important. I've really jeopardised everything recently between us and I know I'd never have this again with anyone else.

We make each other ‘snort’ laugh to the point that we can’t breathe sometimes.

For me it's an unspoken connection meaning I know he loves me by the coffee he gets ready for me when he leaves for work really early every morning and I always wake up to a morning txt.
I always pick him up bits I know he likes or needs.
We work long and opposite hours so life's busy but we work as a team naturally.
When he's shattered after early starts I take over and vice versa.

From an emotional side we just know each other so well.
Finish each other's sentences,txt at the same time etc and have similar thought processes.

I'm peri at the moment so abit up an down and he's very patient at times aswel as just taking on the mental load when I need a break.
We share a great humour aswel which always helps