Is this cheating?

[duke748]

Hi all,

I would appreciate a few people's input on this....

Would you consider this cheating?

3 year relationship. They live together. Person A says that they want to break up. They spend 2 weeks living in same house after this. Often end up in same bed, cuddling and kissing, but nothing more.

Person B kisses someone else on a night out and gets into bed with Person A that night for a kiss and cuddle.

Is this cheating then?

I'd appreciate you input, and I'll reveal more about the situation in a bit, I just don't want to influence people's opinions.

Thanks.

nope. person A made the decision that they want to break up.
breaking up normally entails the person you dump eventually getting with someone else. can't have your cake and eat it.

Sounds like person A is cheating - in that they want to break up but still have kiss and cuddle. If person A wants to break up they should do that and not allow the situation to continue.

If the break up was only said in anger and not real then again they need to clarify that to person B

Agree with whiskeyandbeer

no, not cheating, but sounds as though both need to talk about whether they actually are broken up. If so kissing and cuddling clearly not a good idea.

sounds like neither of them can let go of teh relationship, and want the best of both worlds

would not really consider a kiss cheating per se, especially when they are 'on a break' but why get physical with the person they are breaking up with?

sounds confusing, and frankly, immature

Did person B agree to breaking up but still sleeping in same bed and being intimate or did person A just express a want to break up but they didn't go with it?

Reading between the lines I'm assuming that person A is annoyed at person B doing the kissing. Am also assuming that person B is initiating the cuddling in bed thing.

Person A needs to make a clean break from person B so that both of them can decide what they really need and want. They are both probably very confused at the moment, lots of mixed signals.

Person B didn't cheat imo but bloody stupid behaviour if they are actually hoping to fix things with Person A.

No

Just to clarify....

Person B initiated all kissing and cuddling and sleeping in same bed.

Only lived together but not together for two weeks until Person a found somewhere to live.

I think person B did cheat but only to get some attention and make person A realise they were wrong to want to break up. So are they back together?

So what if PersonB initiated it? Person A was in the bed of his/her own free will.

If they were really so split up then why did they agree to get in the bed and canoodle at all?

person A could have told B to get out of the bed, sleep on the couch and not get physical

6 of one, half a dozen of the other

if person a is moving out then tbh it is all pretty academic and immaterial

unfortunately person b is going to be hurt by the sounds of it

I mean, I've lived in the same abode as ex's and we've shagged. And shagged other people, too.

Not cheating.

Snap, lulu.

Cuddling being initiated by person B is a red herring. Person A is fully responsible for their own behaviour and person B could be forgiven for thinking that this meant there was hope of reconciliation (or nice no-strings buddy sex because some people really do think that way).

great minds, expat

sounds like person b wanted to not lose person a but it doesn't work like that does it

Agree with Bookthief.

All a bit messy, anyway.

Person B acting understandably, and should not be blamed by person A for night-out-kissing...and person A should not use n-o-k as a reason to 'justify' thier break-up and force person b to take equal resaponsibility as a get-out for themselves, iyswim. But person B needs to face up to situation and not hope for get-back-together simply by acting like a sad puppy and wanting to cuddle at night.

But if person A fonds themselves succumbing to cuddling, and feels jealous about kissing, maybe they should have a long hard think.

Maybe person B just likes the canoodling. My ex H and I used to shag each other every now and again because it was fun and comfortable. He'd bring some dinner or take us out, stay over, we'd have breakfast the next day. Every now and again, there'd be a twinge, but as he never wanted any kids, we both knew there'd be no reconciliation.

Do we think the op is person A or B btw? I'm assuming A.

I think the question is it cheating is a red herring

Same here, zippi.

I mean, if you're broken up, that's it.

And if you get in bed with the ex and they allow it and participate in it, then it's shagging the ex, not cheating.

If you go out and hook up with someone else, then it's just that. Not cheating because you're broken up.

IF person A had initiated the break-up to a reluctant person B and then A initiated some cuddling and/or shagging-the-ex whilst also going out, snogging others and then returning for cuddle with recently-dumped-and-still-hopeful B, then that would be very very bad manners, imo.

But this isn't the case here, is it?

I am person A.

I'll put it not in code for you if you want!

I was with my ex for three years. In the end he was just taking me for granted and so, after lots of soul searching I decided to end it.

I started looking for somewhere else immediately and as I said I stayed in our home for two weeks until I found somewhere to go.

During those two weeks he very much wanted to act like a couple, cuddling up on the sofa and sleeping in the same bed. We both slept in seperate rooms, but he crept into my bed a few times. Yes, I should have said no, and I did mostly, but I loved him and so said yes a few times.

After I moved out we tried to be friends, but each time I saw him I found out something else that hurt me. First I found out that he had a new girlfriend a month after we split up, then I found out they were going out a week after we split up, then I find out that he kissed her one night and then begged to get back into my bed.

I feel incredibly hurt that he would treat me (and her!) like that. It doesn't seem the kind of way you would treat someone you cared about, let alone professed to love.

There is of course, a nagging doubt in my head that it all started before we broke up, hence he was acting like a prat at the end of the relationship.

He, of course, says he did not do anything wrong, but I can't help but feel very let down that a man who professed to love me so much could act as if he doesn't care about my feelings at all.

I understand that most people said he didn't do anything wrong, and maybe i just have to accept that the way I feel is not justified. Thank you all for your opinions.