Long post alert.
I’m really struggling with home life. We have been married for 17 years and have 2 teenage sons. All of a sudden DH is out most nights. He also works full time Tuesday to Saturday 9-5.
On a Monday evening he has started to work as a ski instructor from 2-9pm (believe me it is not for money, the pay is rubbish and he’d need to work for a few years to pay off how much it cost him to qualify).
Tuesday - DS no1 does hockey training, DH has now taken it up as well. I have to take DS to his training as starts earlier then DH goes to his and they both come home together at aporox 8.45 and expect dinner to be ready
Wednesday - he stays in
Thursday - DS no2 has hockey training which I take him to, have to get back to make dinner as DH has tennis and doesn’t get back till 10.30pm
Friday - DH goes straight to skiing from work and gets home at 10.45pm
Saturday - DH does paid job 9-5 but now goes out during day to play a hockey match. He has always refused in the past to take time off on a Saturday and I’ve spent every Sat looking after boys since they were born. I’ve found it very difficult esp when they were young as I don’t have family nearby and all friends were busy with their families on a Saturday.
Sunday - DH often goes to the dry ski slope to teach
I tried to do something once a week for me but DS no2 was home alone from when he got back from school until 8.30pm and unfortunately he suffers with low mood and really struggled without someone there.
In January DH went on a skiing holiday and took boys only because the people he was going with refused to take him unless the boys went as well. He also went alone skiing with my bother and his family last year. I’ve not had a foreign holiday for years.
Writing this down is making me realise I’m either stupid or selfish.
I got the guts to talk about it with him this morning as we’d taken half term off only for me to find out he had made plans all week. it is my Birthday tomorrow and he said he’d book a table at 9pm when he gets back from hockey training - how thoughtful. He also said he had to do the ski instructing as he needs the money. He does about 9shifts a month and brings home £200 in total but has spent approx £3.5k qualifying. He also said why would he stay at home in the evening as he has nothing to do. Then he turned everything around to be about him and helpfully finished off by saying he would walk into the sea.
I work Monday-fri 9-5 and have an hour commute home so I am the last back. I am also responsible for all the shopping, cleaning and cooking etc.
To cut a very long story short I am unhappy and lonely. I know I should leave but have no money to do so and wouldn’t be able to take the boys because I couldn’t put a roof over their heads. We don’t even have a spare bedroom for me to move into.
I’d be so grateful of some advice or even a way I could understand it from his point of view.