Would you keep accepting this?

[Lostsoul62]

He is a great guy, been with him 3 years however he continuously checks my phone when he can, sometimes he gets caught because he acts so shady and asks too many questions which make me know he has checked my phone or i get the old iphone is disabled for 5 minutes message but a promise from him he never touched my phone.
Makes me feel so on edge and wary of him. We do not have a open phone policy in any way, i have never gone through his phone and he is quite private with his takes to the bathroom but leaves it in the car at times. Reads messages away from me but denies doing it or says i do similar but i only do this i feel to show him how it feels and he never likes that but doesnt change.

Sorry its been long my question would be would you dump a guy for repeatedly going throughout your stuff or accept it because you have nothing to hide and he is a great guy?

It sounds like he is judging you by his standards, ie he wouldn’t be happy for you to see his phone history - porn? or whatever? - and because he behaves that way, he feels the need to check that you aren’t.
I wouldn’t put up with that. He’s rude and intrusive and disrespectful. And I have nothing to hide !

Put a pin lock on your phone.

I’d be worried that he was up to something and projecting on to you. Being so secretive with his own phone, furtively checking yours, then lying about it is a huge red flag.

You know there’s something wrong or you wouldn’t be posting about it.

Meant to say, I couldn’t be with someone I knew was lying to me.

Why are you putting up with this? You are in an utterly shit relationship.

That must be horrible to live with OP.

Is he controlling in other ways?

I wouldn't stay in a relationship like yours because I couldn't stand the feeling of not being trusted and because I would assume his controlling behaviour would get worse over time.

Hmm. Open phone policy. I had that. I didnt care if he accessed my phone because I have zero to hide.

He used to leave his around though. I only ever accessed it once but then chickened out as I knew it was wrong.

We split. Because very important emails had been deleted but were present on my laptop. Occams razor. He had the opportunity. The simplest solution. Now, hes refusing to talk or pay me back the hundreds he owes.

Phones eh? No one will ever get near mine again.

Sounds like he has a guilty conscience and thinks little of you. I wouldnt accept this.

A great guy wouldn't invade your privacy like that.

I wouldn't put up with it. I've been with DP 7 years and have never checked his phone and I don't think he's checked mine.

He's either projecting his own behaviour on you or he's controlling, or both. It's not OK. It'll get worse the more he thinks he's "got" you (pregnancy etc).

Ditch.

Absolutely not. I had this happen to me, my ex would question messages in my inbox, a year later I found messages in his that were completely inappropriate.

He is up to no good himself...judging you by his own standards

Incidentally, why haven't you put a lock on your phone. Are you frightened if his reaction ?

This is not a trusting respectful relationship OP. He is NOT a great guy.

I wouldn't put up with that. Sounds like he has a guilty conscience.

That is controlling behaviour and he does not respect your privacy. It makes you feel on edge. This is not the behaviour of a great guy.

He's not a great guy at all
I'd dump someone for this the first time they did it

He is a great guy

He really isn't. He's more than likely up to no good himself and checking you're not doing the same.

I’d be worried that he was up to something and projecting on to you

this ^ wot @teafortara said

Depends... If the rest of the relationship was incredibly good I'd give him the chance to seek professional help for his anxiety and trust issues. If the relationship is not generally great, then no reason for you to stay.

I wouldn't accept this, no. It would be over before it started.

Absolutely no way I would put up with this. It's such a violation of your privacy and it's clear that he distrusts you.
He's flat out gaslighting you by lying straight to your face, saying he hasn't touched your phone when it's clear he has.
I would think nothing of binning someone like this.

Thank you for your opinions ladies, I really do appreciate it. He is my first relationship since I left my abusive (as in horrendous) ex husband whom I left 4 years ago.

AnyFucker... I do have a password and change it regularly which is how I know he has been snooping.

I have told him I do not want to continue this, I hate having to be on guard in my own home, especially after finding such peace when I managed to get my ex husband out. However I am so disappointed that I have such low self esteem to keep forgiving this, I thought I had grown so much from those days.

Boyfriend promised to give me some space after hearing how I felt and within the night has sent me 3 very long winded I am sorry messages, a missed facetime call and phone call this morning, and then turned up at my house at 9am this morning. He is absolutely suffocating me.

He isn't a great guy is he then...

Oh no, poor you. That is not giving you space at all.