Would you keep accepting this?

[Lostsoul62]

He is a great guy, been with him 3 years however he continuously checks my phone when he can, sometimes he gets caught because he acts so shady and asks too many questions which make me know he has checked my phone or i get the old iphone is disabled for 5 minutes message but a promise from him he never touched my phone.
Makes me feel so on edge and wary of him. We do not have a open phone policy in any way, i have never gone through his phone and he is quite private with his takes to the bathroom but leaves it in the car at times. Reads messages away from me but denies doing it or says i do similar but i only do this i feel to show him how it feels and he never likes that but doesnt change.

Sorry its been long my question would be would you dump a guy for repeatedly going throughout your stuff or accept it because you have nothing to hide and he is a great guy?

Yeah, you found yourself Abuser mark II.

Try doing the Freedom Programme and working on your boundaries before you consider dating again.

The thing is I have been a visitor here for at least 6 years, I realised and gained advice from trawling mumsnet boards and eventually got out and away from my horrible ex husband. That's why I am so disappointed that I have kept on forgiving this.

My family do not like him because of his intrusiveness with me as I am open with them because I have worked hard to get to this point with my relationship with them all, which means so much to me after having to hide so much with ex husband.

My question now is ladies in his messages he has refused to be finished, he just "loves me too much, I am his world" yet he doesn't want to acknowledge how his behaviour impacts on me and triggers me.

Do you mean when you say he refuses to be finished, that he will not allow you to end the relationship?
If that is the case, you need to tell him that the relationship is over and you will report him to the police for harrassment if he contacts you again. Then follow through.

Exactly what @KatySun said!

Block his number, seriously.

Tell all your family and friends what he’s doing, and make sure you’re safe.

He doesn't get to decide the relationship isn't finished. Only one person in a relationship needs to want it to be over, for it to be over.

That's how it works, it doesn't need mutual agreement.

And the "I love you too much" is classic abuser's bullshit. Love doesn't suffocate.

Huge red flags, end it block him and if necessary report him for stalking.

Any chance he has installed a key logger or spyware on your phone?

Red flags all over this

I think you are a much stronger & wiser lady than you realise
You had the strength to leave an abusive relationship - not easy
And move oN
Then you have the inner intuition to listen to your spider sense when you recognise old relationship abusive patterns of control emerging in this relationship
It might be sad that this is not the man you thought, but you’ve not fallen into repeating past mistakes
I think you need to celebrate that x x

He's trying to manipulate your thoughts.

Please finish the relationship. Tell him it's over. Do not enter into conversation with him.

Then block him and don't open the door to him.

Be strong.

It's not up to him

You can finish it any time you want

Don't wait for him to "understand" just end it then stop engaging

"Please don't contact me again. I don't want to have to involve the police but I will if you continue to harass me."

Oh wow, he is NOT a great guy.

He has absolutely no right to be going through your phone. He has no rights over you at all.

If you want to split up with him you can. That is your choice which you are free to make, no matter what he says.

Honestly , he’s not a great guy . I guarantee you this , the longer you stay with him, the worse it will get .
That feeling that you are being spied on , that he is forever trying to catch you out . It’s exhausting. Why put yourself through it. If you stay together , esp if you go into have children , his paranoia will intensify 1000% and him checking your phone will be the least of your problems