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Original poster

Dating a parent - left 10 y.o. home alone

32 replies

Lolailo · 15/02/2020 20:23

Hi! I wanted to ask your opinions in a situation that has me scratching my head.

I live in Canada. Border-hopping to the US to catch cheaper flights is common here.

I am dating a man who has a 10 years old, sole custody and they live with his parents. His parents bought a flight leaving from across the border, 106 miles/170km away to save $300. For those savings, they expected my date to drive them there and pick them up on their return.

If my parents expected me and the child to drive 424miles/680km, at night in the Canadian winter weather, with snowstorms, spending 8h without counting delay crossing the border or weather, in order to save $300 (without counting the cost of gas)... I would be shocked.

But that is very nice of him for doing it and not my business. Here is the part where it affects me, as the man I am dating. He realized last
minute that his son's passport was expired and decided to put him to bed and leave him home alone. When I asked him why he didn't call a neighbour/school friend, he told me that they live in a small town and "people is not so friendly". I know at least that the kid has friends and he goes for "playdates" to their houses.

So that happened, minimum 4h, if car doesn't break, road is not closed because of snow, there is no delay crossing the border twice, etc. The man I am dating also doesn't have a Canadian driving licence, so if he is stopped, he could be facing jail. So when I asked abour this, apparently they don't check at the border.

Well, all this was mind blowing for me. But mind you that he did the same the following week when they came back and he had had enough time to arrange a sleepover for the kid.

Not to dripfeed, mom is not in this country, but there are some cousins of his parents that they celebrate Christmas and holidays with and live about a 20 minutes drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lolailo · 15/02/2020 20:26

Dating - 3 months. He has said L word and wants to introduce to his son already and move cities to be closer to where I live. Me - I am ready to remain friends, if something (not only because of this) but I would like to gauge opinions about if I am overreacting or 10 years old is ok in this situation.

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 15/02/2020 20:27

At 10 the furthest I left ds was to hang washing out....

Mum4Fergus · 15/02/2020 20:28

No, no, no...totally irresponsible.

Dozer · 15/02/2020 20:29

Sounds irresponsible on his part, especially if he didn’t tell his DC or give them a plan just in case, and not being licensed to drive in one country.

His parents aren’t U for asking the favour, especially if they’re subsidising their son. They may have assumed their son would organise childcare.

Dozer · 15/02/2020 20:30

Him wanting to move his son so soon is a massive red flag. He sounds like a poor parent.

FlaskMaster · 15/02/2020 20:33

Absolutely fucking not. He's reckless, irresponsible and probably expects you will step in to do the parenting of both him and his kid once he leaves his parents' house. No no no, run for the hills.

OrchidJewel · 15/02/2020 20:34

Goodness no way, I've just started leaving my 10 year old for 50 mins max. Middle of the night what!, as you say anything could happen in that weather, what would the child do in the morning besides being scared out of his wits

pallisers · 15/02/2020 20:37

this would be a dealbreaker for me. I couldn't be with someone so reckless and uncaring for his child. to say nothing of driving without a license.

He wants to move closer to you so you can do the "woman's work" of minding his child - he certainly has no interest in it.

Lou898 · 15/02/2020 20:56

I wouldn’t leave my 15yo overnight ...the longest has been until 2am but he’s known how to contact me, what to do in an emergency etc. What if the child is ill or wakes up not knowing where anyone is? Totally irresponsible.
The wanting to move nearer etc sounds like he’s wanting someone to help him out.....run!

Maduixa · 15/02/2020 21:13

Too long to leave even a very mature 10 year old, IMO, especially after dark and when so much could go wrong.

The man I am dating also doesn't have a Canadian driving licence...

Am I missing something here - he lives in Canada, right? And is crossing the border to the US and then back? Maybe he's just come back from abroad and has a foreign or international driving license? If he's routinely driving without a license, that would be a deal breaker for me. (Also, minor point but - he should know whether the child's passport is expired or not.)

HollowTalk · 15/02/2020 21:16

He sounds as though he's the worst parent, and also that he has selfish tight parents himself. Quite a combination.

MethodToThisMadness · 15/02/2020 21:28

No, no no.
Leaving a 10 year old for a short time (not four hours!) is not, in itself, a huge issue but:
Going 4 hours away into another country, at night - just no.
I'd have been tempted to call the police and informed them of the child left alone while his parent was "abroad".

FlowerArranger · 15/02/2020 22:00

Totally irresponsible.

This would most definitely be a deal breaker for me.

Neverenoughcoffee · 15/02/2020 22:07

To pop to the supermarket for an hour should be fine art ten. To nip to another country for several hours, no way.

Mintjulia · 15/02/2020 22:16

I'd be horrified. At 10, I left my son for about an hour while I got my hair cut. He had a phone, could call me if he needed to, and I was never more than a mile away.

This man sounds like a bad parent looking for some free childcare help.

KTJean · 15/02/2020 22:23

That is irresponsible and dangerous.

PicsInRed · 15/02/2020 22:24

Toxic family of origin, which he seems beholden to, he's a neglectful father, he's a love bomber and he's somehow extracted the mother from her child's life I'd be very interested to know the truth of their relationship and how she came to be in a different country to her child.

Enough red flags for coronation bunting.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

MollyButton · 15/02/2020 22:29

I'd be firmly dumping and contacting the equivalent of children's services.

YouJustDoYou · 15/02/2020 22:34

That is just completely negligent! And, absolutely everything @PicsInRed said!

timetest · 15/02/2020 22:38

10 is far too young to be alone for such a long time. Massively irresponsible of him. If that’s how he treats his child, how do you think he’d treat a partner?
Red flags galore here.

Tiredtiredtired100 · 15/02/2020 22:41

What @PicsInRed said. Get out now.

CodenameVillanelle · 15/02/2020 22:43

I couldn't be with someone who was such an irresponsible parent. Don't stay friends with him; report him to children's services and delete his number.

UseBy2020 · 16/02/2020 04:50

Unacceptable to leave a 10yo in such a precarious situation and for such a length of time.

I used to leave my 10yo for around an hour to go to an exercise class 5 mins away. This was my maximum for being alone at that age.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2020 05:05

He leaves a 10 year old alone overnight and he drives without a license? Are you really so desperate for companionship that you date this fucking idiot?

ASimpleLampoon · 16/02/2020 06:48

Dump him and call CPS.