Dating a parent - left 10 y.o. home alone

[Lolailo]

Hi! I wanted to ask your opinions in a situation that has me scratching my head.

I live in Canada. Border-hopping to the US to catch cheaper flights is common here.

I am dating a man who has a 10 years old, sole custody and they live with his parents. His parents bought a flight leaving from across the border, 106 miles/170km away to save $300. For those savings, they expected my date to drive them there and pick them up on their return.

If my parents expected me and the child to drive 424miles/680km, at night in the Canadian winter weather, with snowstorms, spending 8h without counting delay crossing the border or weather, in order to save $300 (without counting the cost of gas)... I would be shocked.

But that is very nice of him for doing it and not my business. Here is the part where it affects me, as the man I am dating. He realized last
minute that his son's passport was expired and decided to put him to bed and leave him home alone. When I asked him why he didn't call a neighbour/school friend, he told me that they live in a small town and "people is not so friendly". I know at least that the kid has friends and he goes for "playdates" to their houses.

So that happened, minimum 4h, if car doesn't break, road is not closed because of snow, there is no delay crossing the border twice, etc. The man I am dating also doesn't have a Canadian driving licence, so if he is stopped, he could be facing jail. So when I asked abour this, apparently they don't check at the border.

Well, all this was mind blowing for me. But mind you that he did the same the following week when they came back and he had had enough time to arrange a sleepover for the kid.

Not to dripfeed, mom is not in this country, but there are some cousins of his parents that they celebrate Christmas and holidays with and live about a 20 minutes drive.

Agree with the poster above, I'd be dumping him and calling social services. Poor, poor child.

Questions. How did you meet him and do you both live in the same country?

Why doesn't he have a driver's license? What type of work does he do?

How is it he has sole custody?

I have to say this looks very suspicious with the possibility he actually abducted his DD and is hiding from his ex.

I couldn’t be with someone who behaved like this towards their 10 year old child.

Red flags with bells on!

How much do you know about the circumstances of the split with his ex?
Why is she in another country?
How is the relationship between him & his child?
How is the relationship between the dad & his parents?
How is the relationship between the son & the grandparents?

It’s made me feel uneasy, reading your post.

Maybe he's just come back from abroad and has a foreign or international driving license?
For residents, requirement is to obtain Canadian licence within 90 days of landing. It is just burocracy -he has a foreign licence and knows how to drive- but illegal regardless.

Regarding sole custody and how mother is in a different country: XW moved with a physically abusive man and that's how he got sole custody. He then decided to move to Canada because his parents lived here. Kid visits mom during holidays, etc.

We met OLD. And obviously the things above didn't come up the first week... Shy of three months I don't have details about familial relationships Maybe I move too slow or I am missing must dos of OLD, but for the first months or so I can hardly see/read more than what I am told. It is about this mark generally that I start seeing things.

I ended it already. As I said, best or worst father, this person was not for me for many more reasons. But I wanted to know if I was overreacting about this one. Thank you for all the responses and reassurance.

I think that a couple of hours’ solitude maximum is ok at age ten, and that’s assuming the parent stays local and it’s not the middle of the night.

This scenario is alarming for more than one reason.

Good call OP

He sounds like a mess. Good job ending it.