What would your expectation be about this day?

[Myhappydol]

First off, I’m not a huge valentines person and while I like a card and maybe some flowers at a push, I’m not all for the dinners out etc and silly expenditure.

Been dating someone six weeks and I’m pretty certain he won’t acknowledge valentines today. I don’t expect flowers or a card even but I thought a text would be nice! And I do realise many people would send a card at this stage too and I’m wondering if I’m being quite easy on him here (yes I know it’s his choice but are my expectations too low?)

I also know I could text him but that’s not my question

Just wondering really what your expectation would be?

I expect something and I give in return. I don't CARE if people think it's 'commercial' or whatever...I LIKE cards, plants, flowers...whatever.

And if my partner KNOWS I like these things then in my mind they should make an effort.

I'd like a homemade card...more than a bought one. I'd like one rose...one chocolate...it's only an acknowledgement. Tell the bugger!

Is it too soon though? He recently said he thinks this is the start of something special with us so I had kind of thought he saw us as almost an us...or at least on the way to that!

I have zero expectations and I couldn’t be with somebody who expected valentine’s day stuff. Birthday, sure. But for me personally, valentine’s day is a big fat no. But that’s me. This exactly shows the point that when you start dating somebody you should communicate your expectations and work out if you’re on the same page with things like celebrations. If not, then dump and move on. So many people drift into relationships with people who aren’t compatible then the whole thing is painful and disappointing. I spent most of my childhood watching my mother sob her heart out every valentine’s day because my father had forgotten to buy a card or flowers. It was excruciating and sad that her self worth/esteem was tied up in that. Don’t be that person. If it matters to you then find somebody who will honour your wishes.

I don’t think I will be unable to move past it if he’s not a valentines person. I’m not that petty.

I guess when you’re still getting to know someone as a bloke you might just send a text to be in the safe side, if you’ve not discussed it or he’s not made it clear he ‘doesn’t do’ valentines

Go to an online card supplier and screen shot 12 different cards, send them one an hour ! It will either make or break you !!

( by text )

I think six weeks is a really tricky time for this sort of thing.

Presumably you don't "love" each other and personally I would find the whole thing very awkward.

Had you not spoken about it before today? That might have helped .

But that’s the point. It’s not petty if it matters to you and self awareness is really important. It’s ok to want to celebrate valentine’s day and expect your partner to feel the same. Write a list of the top ten things that are deal breakers in a relationship and over dinner go through them with him. The most happily married people I know did this a few weeks in. It’s the right way to do it rather than flouncing around pretending to be perfect and amicable and agreeable. Be disagreeable. Be opinionated. Be “valentine’s day is important to me and I expected a token from you or a message. I’m disappointed you made no effort. Are you not into marking occasions because I am and this is a deal breaker for me” any bloke that is truly into you will answer that conversation maturely. It’s still early in the day though so I wouldn’t send it until tomorrow

I thought valentines was for the start of relationships.

The issue with not expecting much, men who can't be bothered use it, because other men who don't mind buying a token gift etc will still do it.

I think women are stuck when it comes to expressing their expectations. You want to be relaxed and not seem like one of those grabby women but still be show some romance.

Op have either of you spoke about it? Are you seeing each other at all for it?
Send him a text ' Hey Valentines' and see where that goes.

I don't do Valentines Day (usual reasons...it's tacky etc etc) and I'd be mortified if the man I'm dating even mentioned it to me. Luckily I think he would be even more horrified than me. Perhaps we're both just dysfunctional together.

As context, I've been dating someone for 4 weeks but we're taking it very very slow. We met in real life rather than OLD through a shared interest so there is too much to lose (mutual friends etc) if we screw this up. Definitely no mentioning Valentines. Although he has texted me this morning (which is unusual as he's not a big texter at all).

I'd at least expect a text in your situation OP. Maybe this will be when you find out if he's into Valentines or not.

It’s not a dealbreaker for me though, I think I just expected a text or a card perhaps. A text at the least.

If he’d said he doesn’t do it I would have said I liked an acknowledgment but I definitely wouldn’t end something over something like this...

I completely understand, I would feel the same, but just bear in mind you’ve set him a test that he doesn’t know he’s taking.

He might have completely missed the fact it’s V day, he might be agonising that he should do something but not be sure you’re into that stuff. You just don’t know.

I would send him a nice message. Don’t make yourself disappointed. Enjoy your new relationship.

Me and dh met in the November.. For Valentine's day I got a tin of Love Hearts, a pair of Where's Wally lounge pants and a card +flowers. Would have been gutted if he hadn't acknowledged the day. In a busy life a token gesture on the prompted days is huge to me!!

I am in a relationship. I loathe Valentine's Day. It has become a cynical venture that lines the pockets of businesses, and it suggests that there is one day per year when we should behave differently - and all due to societal pressure. Why?

I never used to be into Valentine's Day until I met my dh.

Tbh if you like it, then even if your dp doesn't I'd be disappointed if I didn't get anything off him. It's less about the actual day, and more about doing things you know will make your dp happy. A card and a box of chocolates isn't much effort in the grand scheme of things

At 6 weeks in id expect something , infact I would expect something until such times as we’d had a conversation about not doing gifts / cards for occasions .

I’d expect a card and a box of chocs or something. Nothing OTT, but if he didn’t want to make some kind of effort six weeks in I’d think he either didn’t care or couldn’t be bothered. And if he couldn’t bothered early on, it wouldn’t give me much hope for the future.

It’s different if you’ve been together a long time and both agree not to bother with Valentine’s Day.

New relationship here and we both admitted we don't do Valentine's Day. The pressure is off and we can just get on with our day. I hate the commercialism of it and how it can make other people feel lonely/unloved. I love him and he loves me, we don't need to buy random shit to acknowledge that.

Well it's different for every couple. Some people go all out with a weekend away, some people do nothing. Over the years we've settled on just flowers for me and a card each, and then a takeaway or m and s meal deal. That's what we like!

I think I just expected a text or a card perhaps. A text at the least

@Myhappydol The day isn't over yet :) It's not even 10.30.

I'm sure he'll send a text at least. xx

I'd send him a text, "Happy Valentine's Day!" And a so it can be taken any way.

Doing nothing wouldn't really be on for me.

Are you seeing him to night?

It's an awkward amount of time. It's not love yet, you're probably not official, you almost don't have any cringe pet names.

It sounds like you're leaving everything to him - he hasn't text, he hasn't mentioned it. I know you've acknowledged this yourself already but don't let him lead everything. You know what you want so be open about it.

We completely ignore it. I'd forgotten it was Valentine's Day until I came on here and saw multiple threads.

I'd much rather have a bunch of daffs on a random day for no reason at all, than a pointless gesture out of obligation on a fake commercial date. It's bollocks.

It's how you're treated every day that matters.

Don’t think it’s too soon at all. I met someone on an app and we had our first date a week ago. We’ve got a lovely day out planned today and dinner later. Also agreed to exchange cards. Yes Valentine’s is very commercial but it’s nice to have someone make a bit of a fuss over you. You don’t need to do anything over the top. Ask him about it. He might want to do something but he might be worried about scaring you off since it’s still a new thing