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Original poster

What would your expectation be about this day?

47 replies

Myhappydol · 14/02/2020 09:14

First off, I’m not a huge valentines person and while I like a card and maybe some flowers at a push, I’m not all for the dinners out etc and silly expenditure.

Been dating someone six weeks and I’m pretty certain he won’t acknowledge valentines today. I don’t expect flowers or a card even but I thought a text would be nice! And I do realise many people would send a card at this stage too and I’m wondering if I’m being quite easy on him here (yes I know it’s his choice but are my expectations too low?)

I also know I could text him but that’s not my question

Just wondering really what your expectation would be?

OP posts:

poopbear · 14/02/2020 10:59

It’s not a test though and I think you need to listen to your gut actually OP. You’re giving mixed messages. You say it’s not a deal breaker. Ok, but you’re bothered enough to be posting on here about it? You’re either lying to us or lying to yourself. It does bother you or you wouldn’t have even thought about it. I have American friends and I really think women on here need to take a leaf out of their book. 3rd date, expectations are laid on the table. Marriage (if yes or no) proposal expectations, number of children, where will we live, SAHM yes or no etc etc. If the man bolts then they’re not the right one or a keeper (words from my friends mouth). They are balsy, self assured, family oriented, not afraid to dump if something seems off and they know what they want. If you want a valentine’s acknowledgement then own it. In this country we aren’t brought up properly. Taught to be agreeable and kind all the time to the detriment of our own needs and wants. Stiff upper lip and don’t be too needy. Fuck that. Start owning your own needs and stating them and if the guy doesn’t measure up then in the bin because there will be one along soon who will measure up.

TheDeadLadyOfClownTown · 14/02/2020 11:02

Agree with HalfBiscuit

It's how you're treated every day that matters

Shoxfordian · 14/02/2020 11:06

I would think a man who didn't send me flowers or a card on valentine's day after 6 weeks of dating was not that interested in me. Sorry op

EmmiJay · 14/02/2020 11:10

I'm two months in this new situationship (I'm calling it this because there no titles yet) and I've been told we're getting a take away and watching a film. Fine by me. No gifts no pressure. Do you think he might suggest something like that later or not at all? (Sorry if you've been asked that already)

Sadolmeee · 14/02/2020 11:13

My husband left 3 months ago after cheating so nothing shall be coming my way but to be honest it was never a big deal for him in the past. I’d get a Card, Chocolates and maybe some wine and that’d be it!

My ideal Valentines would be a Card, Flowers arriving at my work, then coming home to some beautiful Jewellery and a surprise date night.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 14/02/2020 11:15

I think I'm in the minority here I bloody hate valentine's day. I find it so cringey it embarrasses me. I'm not on any kind of SM now but when I was I used to notice that the people that put up the 'I've been spoiled rotten' posts were the ones that were in the unhappiest relationships lol. However...presumably valentine's day is for people who love eachother. I'm assuming , after 6 weeks, you are nowhere near the love stage yet and therefore I wouldnt really even expect the date to be acknowledged.

Froq · 14/02/2020 11:16

Why not just text: Happy Valentine’s Day, fancy going for a drink/dinner/coffee/walk later?

Why do you have to wait to see what he does? Hoping for a card or flowers instead of just arranging to see him if you want to?

Toria70 · 14/02/2020 11:18

6 weeks in? I'd be really disappointed if it wasn't acknowledged.

I'd think they weren't that into me.

Pilot12 · 14/02/2020 11:21

Are you seeing him today? If yes, have you got him something? I would get him a light hearted funny card and something small like chocolates if he likes them.

Pilot12 · 14/02/2020 11:22

I would be expecting to be taken out for a meal and a rose/flowers. I wouldn't expect a card though.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/02/2020 11:26

None whatsoever.

Double3xposure · 14/02/2020 11:28

I would think a man who didn't send me flowers or a card on valentine's day after 6 weeks of dating was not that interested in me. Sorry op

I’m a bit confused about modern dating. How come it’s serious enough to have sex with someone 6 weeks in but too much ( and probably grabby and materialistic ) to expect him to fork out a tenner on a card and box of choice/ flowers ?

Caramel78 · 14/02/2020 11:31

If it were me I would send a Happy Valentines giff type text and hope for one in return. I would maybe buy a card to give him too but would wait to see if he gave me one first. If not then I would save it for next year. Some people just aren’t bothered at all about valentines and don’t give it a second thought. My DP was one of them but he learnt after a few months of dating that I like it so he makes an effort every year to give me a nice card and flowers etc

poopbear · 14/02/2020 11:43

@Double3xposure
Agreed!

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2020 11:44

I would think a man who didn't send me flowers or a card on valentine's day after 6 weeks of dating was not that interested in me. Sorry op

I think if he doesn’t get you anything then it tells you precisely nothing about how he feels about you. V-Day is awkward and contentious, sone people think it’s romantic and others think it’s cringe, and after six weeks he doesn’t know which of these you are yet. He has no idea whether you’d run a mile at a card and flowers which suggest this shit is getting serious and think he was moving too quickly. He has no idea whether you’d be disappointed at red roses because you think they’re too commercial; or disappointed at NOT red roses because you think red roses are the most romantic.

Send him a text and make sure that “celebrations of key dates and what we each expect” is a topic of conversation for the very near future so that you’re not disappointed again.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/02/2020 11:49

And whilst I think V-Day is lovely to celebrate if you like it and think acknowledging it is important, I think it only means something if your partner makes some effort and manages to find a non-V-Day card and a random something gift they had to actively look for. Any wazzock can wander into a supermarket on February 13th and grab a card with a heart on it and some flowers, it doesn’t mean they care for you or think you’re special, quite the opposite in fact.

Original poster

Myhappydol · 14/02/2020 11:50

Well I’ve not heard from him yet but there’s still time I suppose!

No plans with him tonight as I already had plans. Seeing him tomorrow and going to a concert in the evening.

OP posts:

Foreverlexicon · 14/02/2020 11:54

I’d expect something small. A little non mushy card and a little box of chocolates of something.

I’ve been with my gf 6 months and she is very anti-valentines day but she knows it matters to me - she gave me a rose Bush, daffodils and chocolate last time I saw her and sent a very funny, highly unromantic card and socks in the post as shifts mean I won’t see her today. (it’s my kind of humour though and the message inside is sweet)

I’d of been pretty upset if she’d just ignored it even after 6 weeks

Bluntness100 · 14/02/2020 11:56

Am I right in saying you are not exclusive, just dating, and you've not wished him a happy Valentine's Day or contacted him either?

Nowayorhighway · 14/02/2020 12:02

DH and I had been dating about six weeks on our first Valentines. We didn’t buy each other gifts but did go out for a lovely meal and cocktails which was nice.

I wouldn’t expect anything fancy but a date would be nice.

YasssKween · 14/02/2020 12:21

Have you got him anything or mentioned it to him?

iamthrough · 14/02/2020 12:42

@Myhappydol, I think you should message him and wish him Happy Valentines day - I'm not sure I understand why you're waiting for him? Like others have said he has no idea what your expectations are. I've had 3 dates with a guy - we're getting on really well but obviously its very early days and we don't yet know each other that well. I sent him a card to his work (as I don't know his home address) he text me first thing this morning with a sweet happy Valentines message. We hadn't discussed anything in advance we both just did what we thought. This is the important thing - I didn't send him a card wondering if he'd send me one back - I just did what I wanted to do. Try not to overthink everything - if you want to acknowledge V-day - do so! You don't have to wait for him - or worry if your gesture will be reciprocated.

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